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Last 10 Posts [ In reverse order ]
sumac Posted 20th Oct 2020, 08:45am
  You just reminded me of my sister’s old granny-in-law.

My sister’s mum-in-law had bought a set of expensive non-stick pots, back when they first came in. She went out to the shops, leaving Granny-In-Law to clean up the breakfast things, including the new pot she’d made scrambled eggs in.

When she returned, G-I-L was still working away at the sink. G-I-L said, over her shoulder, “My, you really burned that pot good! But I’m nearly there!”

She thought the pot was burnt and had taken a Brillo pad to it. She was right. The non-stick was almost all gone, the pot was ruined and G-I-L was absolutely kna****ed!

sumac Posted 17th Oct 2020, 05:46pm
taurus Posted 16th Oct 2020, 11:41pm
  don`t know how much truth there is in this,someone we knew bought their old mammy a wee freezer. When they were asking how she was getting on with it,she said,och I flung that mince oot,it was aw hard.
bilbo.s Posted 16th Oct 2020, 09:18pm
QUOTE (wombat @ 16th Oct 2020, 08:57pm) *
tongue.gif who ?randolph scott rolleyes.gif

Naw, Scott of the Antarctic ! tongue.gif
wombat Posted 16th Oct 2020, 07:57pm
  tongue.gif who ?randolph scott rolleyes.gif
sumac Posted 16th Oct 2020, 11:42am
  Another teaching memory.

We had just returned to the class from a sweltering Sports Day. As ever, the local Tally (sorry, but that was what he was called) came to the school with big vats of ice cream. Each child got a big cone. All was quiet in the class as we all, me too, got stuck in. All of a sudden there was a yell.
“Jeezis, this is m-a-w-k-I-t!”
Scott obviously didn’t like the ice cream.

wombat Posted 8th Sep 2020, 10:55pm
  tongue.gif told my wifie to "STEREOLISE"the mop bucket ,huh?"wash it twice"ok ? smartass.gif smartass.gif
sumac Posted 7th Sep 2020, 08:50am
  You just reminded me of my mum’s wee “foxes paws”.

Coming from a really poor area of Glasgow (the Toonheid then Garthamlock), Mum was a bit flummoxed when my sister had a party, with their permission, of course. She and Dad were going away for the night. When they returned in the morning, it was to a house with several students left.

Mum, always the joker but trying to be a bit more upper class, said to the posh boys, “Do youse boys know any more illegible bachelors? I have 5 girls here.”

Another of hers - “And she had the adossity to say to me - - - - “

An old auntie loved watching Bozanza and that nice boy, Horse. For those too young to remember, the programme was Bonanza and the man was Hoss.

She also used to go on about my Granpa frequenting the Dalderialdery pub in the Edinburgh Road (from Cranhill).
taurus Posted 6th Sep 2020, 08:43pm
  another nice Malapropism there Sumac. just a few weeks ago I was talking to my much loved SIL on the phone,and she was telling me of her family in England who could tell some 'antidotes' from the war years.
sumac Posted 6th Sep 2020, 07:49pm
  Ah, the good old sheuch (spelling?).. That was a builder’s crack where I came from.

When looking at new cars, one young car salesman was reading out all the extras you got with one car, a Kia. He told us it had this and that, and “fox leather”. I don’t know what he said after that because I was busy thinking how I had never heard of leather from foxes. It was only later that I realised he meant FAUX leather. I thought that was funny.
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