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Patient to psychiatrist ' Doctor, please help me. I think I am a pair of curtains'
Psychiatrist to patient - 'Don't be silly, pull youself together!'

Whats YOUR favourite?
Archie Millar
Did you hear the wan aboot the fairy that swaaled the tinsel??
--She suffered frum "tinselitise" --lol (bloody pathetic)
Archie - I agree! HAHA - buts thats just what we want!.
Did ye hear aboot the deef Pirate?
He'd nae buckaneers laugh.gif
huh.gif Catherine - Ah didnae get it. Would you please explain this joke in significant and minutely clear detail fur us dummies. Ta hen.
Patient to psychiatrist - 'Doctor help me, I think I am a pack of cards'
Doctor - 'Come back and I'll deal with you later'.
Certainly Rabbie...
The common Pirate's "general" atire can {not always, but has been known} to consist therin wae everythin else..cripes ah cannae move fur laughin Rabbie, ahv furgoat whit bucaneers ur.. laugh.gif
wee sammy
there is anew type of aids out now
its called hearing aids
you get it from listening to ass holes ohmy.gif
Catherine. I heard that one about the buccaneers about 40 years ago from my Dad - he could hardly tell it for laughing so much!. Are your weans in bed yet?.
sad.gif Sorry, forgot about the 5hrs difference!
"the only thing that looks good on me"...
Waiting is
....Anither wurd fur "the toilet" in a family a ten laugh.gif
Ah thought it wis 'anxiety'! sad.gif
ah think ye'll find it's too late!
I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".
The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
just a joke!!!!
chust a choke?

very good one too:)
Scotslad,loved that one
Reminds me of how Jesus got his name.
Joseph was walking into the stable,and tripped over a lamb.
"Oh Jesus Christ said Joseph"!!!
Mary ,said "Oh thats ,a nice name ,I was going to call him ,Fred!!" biggrin.gif
Guy goes tae the doacter ," Doacter , Doacter,Ah hiv five wullies!!"
Doctor says "How do your pants fit?"
"Oh just like a glove " !!!! biggrin.gif
At Christmas dinner from a godson!
'Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers'.
I will have to pass that one on Jimmy ,its brilliant.
wee sammy
why cant elephant ride a bicycle
because it hasnt a thumb to ring the bell
david lowson
Hear aboot the siamese twins that have written a new book?
Its called Our Wullie.
Hear aboot the homosexual ghosts?
Gave each other the willies
Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' "
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

then there were the ***IGNORED WORDS*** ones that popped up wae the advent of the drug:

Did ye hear about the truckload of ***IGNORED WORDS*** that got hijacked?

Aye, thur lookin for a pair of hardened criminals!
Some of these answers to the perennial ..."why did the chicken cross the road?" are a bit longer than one liners but it's an interesting site:)
Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus."
(It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.)
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
laugh.gif , Happy New Year Rabbie!!
An aw ra very best tae you hen! XX
My wife will buy anything marked down. Last year she bought an escalator.
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