'I'm in a terrible fix,' moaned Raymond. 'I'm in love with two girls and I don't know which one to marry.'

'No problem,' said Sean to the Englishman. 'I know you're not a Catholic but I think the church could help you. Call in tomorrow morning, kneel down and try a sincere prayer to God - that should do the trick.'

Next morning Sean arrived to find Raymond with a beaming smile.

'It worked. It's a miracle,' Raymond enthused. 'I walked in, knelt down and there it was written in red across the altar cloth: AVE MARIA!'