21st Mar 2008, 11:29am
I was looking at some on line news this morning , saw this and my blood ran cold, I know it may be something that someone thinks it is a good idea, but not for me ! I find this just a wee bit creepy. Now as I do live far away I know the feeling of not being able to go home when someone passes away, but
to watch it( their funeral service) on line....don't think so , that would just increase my grief I think.
Any other views?
Funerals to be shown live on the web
Barbara Scruby and Tracy Spaxman of the bereavement services
GRIEVING relatives will be able to watch their loved one's funeral via the internet as a crematorium goes hi-tech.
Services at Cambridge Crematorium can be webcast so mourners thousands of miles away can feel they are part of the service.
The crematorium was opened in 1938 as a private concern before being taken over in 1950 by Cambridge City Council.
The peaceful site, situated off the busy A14 at Girton, has beautiful gardens, natural woodland and tranquil water areas.
It is looking to expand the 21st Century choices open to the bereaved, and the webcast facility is just one of those steps.
Barbara Scruby, bereavement services coordinator, said: "The camera is fixed and it is focused on the coffin and the person conducting the service.
On the webcast it runs with a 12-second real time delay.
"The funeral applicant gets a user ID and password and can give these to as many people as they like.
"It is kept on the system for seven days so people can watch it later. People can also get the service as a DVD."
She said the recently launched webcast service should prove popular and would offer a link to people overseas or elderly family members who may not be able to travel to the funeral service.
Mrs Scruby said: "People can feel part of the service even though they can't be there in person."
The crematorium has an organist for those choosing a traditional service but increasing use is being made of the Wesley Computerised Music System.
Mrs Scruby said: "We started with a library of 300 hymns, but in the first year we had 1,400 additional requests - these can be anything from a TV theme tune to a song for a football team."
If a family wishes to use a piece of music they have recorded themselves, this can also be incorporated into the service. And when there is a particularly large crowd, an outside broadcast system relays the service to those who can not be accommodated in the chapel.
Along with the use of new technology, other changes are planned for memorials at the crematorium.
Mrs Scruby said: "We have also installed a family garden. That gives the opportunity for up to eight sets of remains to be interred. They could have a dwarf tree or shrub.
"One of the next ventures is the book of remembrance. Once the calligrapher has done the work it's there forever.
"But we also will have a digitised book - the order has gone in for the work to be done - so people can access it whenever they want."
Miniature graves are proposed for the interment of cremated remains. Another proposal is for a separate book of remembrance for children, babies and non-viable foetuses.
At its peak, the crematorium can facilitate 22 services a day in its two chapels and carries out around 2,700 cremations a year.
22nd Mar 2008, 03:43pm
it might give people closure seeing the funeral service
22nd Mar 2008, 07:41pm
It might Stuarty, but what if the person is watching this alone , the greif is awful any way , no one should be alone at a funeral for a loved one...
22nd Mar 2008, 08:32pm
This is a tricky one! Three of my brothers have died in Australia, I never made their funerals.
Don't know if I'd want to watch the final curtain. They are in my heart and mind, I don't feel they
are dead. Perhaps it's better that way???
22nd Mar 2008, 09:02pm
Totally agree there Stratson. A tricky one indeed.
For some it conjures up emotions they would not rather have and for others a feeling of being at the service - which would suit them?
Memories are certainly fine for a lot of folks, but for some others I'd guess they would be kicking themselves for not being able to attend for whatever reason? Perhaps too auld and frail? or whatever! We are all different in these things.
For me it 'offers' a chance of being there at the end. But that's my thoughts. Choice.
Certainly won't suit everyone for sure!
And I am glad you can only 'apparently' access the service via a user password and id - as I am sure it could be abused, which would be terrible.
22nd Mar 2008, 09:17pm
QUOTE (stratson @ 22nd Mar 2008, 08:31 PM)
Don't know if I'd want to watch the final curtain.
Stratson, I have said before many times I was 15 when I lost my dad, at his service I never knew what to except and allof a sudden these curtains opened and away he went it was awful, and I had a chapel full of family there with me , I had to be held back as I wanted to pull him off the rollers that were taking him away from me ..
Geeza, I am not sure that it is a good thing , I find it all very creepy and sad that someone's death is coming down to watching it on line , I mean family's can use a video if they want ..
Just my thoughts
23rd Mar 2008, 10:38am
Surely we realise it's just a corpse that's left at a funeral, we want to remember the person we loved as they were in life. I think the whole idea is peculiar myself. How intrusive and disrespectful to the recently deceased person it is.
24th Mar 2008, 02:30am
I remember getting pictures from the funeral director after my mothers funeral. I opened up the file and as i was not expecting them I got quite a shock.They were put away and I never looked at them again for many years.However now when I look at them I do find them very comforting.The flowers are plentiful, and so beautiful.So who knows how you might feel about the web camera being present. It may in time give people some comfort.I think I am fine with it.
24th Mar 2008, 11:17pm
Don't think this one is for me, I also don't think that funerals should be filmed.I can understand that people who cannot actually go to the service may want to see how proceedings went, but it's not something I would want to see , or relive at any time.Being there stays with you forever , you dont need a reminder.No Thank you!
26th Mar 2008, 09:02pm
It's the end bit of my thoughts above that give me most concern here...
There are just too many 'sad gits' about that if they could somehow access such a thing, then it would be broadcast on some website with no doubt very distasteful additions..
That for me would be bloody awful..
They already exist in other issues!
27th Mar 2008, 06:30am
Just another oppertunity to turn something dear to people into a circus on the internet.You know the net it a great tool when used correctly , but wide open to missuse by sicko's
29th Mar 2008, 04:19pm
QUOTE (penny dainty @ 27th Mar 2008, 06:29 AM)
Just another oppertunity to turn something dear to people into a circus on the internet.You know the net it a great tool when used correctly , but wide open to missuse by sicko's
See Penny & Geeza, these are the issues that I have as well, ... It really is sad don't you think
30th Mar 2008, 06:23am
certainly do lennox
31st Mar 2008, 08:49pm
Quite agree Lennox. But I still go for choice here. What's fine by some won't be for others - life eh??
I'd certainly hate to see it abused and would guess even with the so-called ID and password facility / systems they would likely need, it could still be abused. But like so many other things eh?
Mibby time will tell if people want or don't want to use this
31st Mar 2008, 10:18pm
I think this is a personal issue between , family members of the deceased. I know that a decision to make a video of my mother in laws service and funeral , to send to relatives overseas wasn't carried through . It really should be up to the individual families , and video's should be sent directly to family that want this done , and not via the internet . I think internet viewing of such a private , grief stricken time to be a bit disrespectful to the deceased and immediate family
31st Mar 2008, 10:39pm
recording is one thing , puting it on the internet is something else.
1st Apr 2008, 05:35pm
As you know my brother Kenny passed away at easter ,,and a wish his funeral had been videoed as it was very homourous,,,,, because that was the way he wanted it,,,,,,,, and he had I want to break free by Queen ,I was crying my eyes at the begining of the song but by the end of it everyone in the crematorium was singing it he would have loved it . SO NOT ALL FUNERALS ARE SOMBRE ITS A CEIBRATION OF A LIFE .
after the cremation he loved a bargain just like me he said to Ireme his wife have it in the masonic hall they have the cheapest drink . and after that i went back to my hotel but the rest of the family went back to my brother house and he would have loved that to be videoed also as my son told me that his uncle William played the spoons and his pal gus played the giutar and everybody took a turn at singing the night away as my strange family traditions always had a party after a funeral .
some might find this distastful but my family are like that they bring happiness even in the saddest of situations and a would have liked to have seen it as a was too breathless to go back to the house ,,,but hey you win some things ang you lose somthings and memories cant be stolen so in a way I have happy memories of Kenny sorry if off topic but it is helping me deal with the recent loss
1st Apr 2008, 09:27pm
stuarty, that was a great celebration of Kenny's life, and "I want to break free, was a fab choice of song>>>>Kenny is free>>>no more pain. R.I.P.
2nd Apr 2008, 03:18am
How many of you watched the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales ?
I think it's a good idea as long as funeral directors don't exploit it with extortionate charges (some hopes, eh ? )
2nd Apr 2008, 06:59am
2nd Apr 2008, 07:55am
sorry , not me
2nd Apr 2008, 05:35pm
this sounded a bit tacky to me to, but then i started thinking what if something happened to my dad who is in new zealand now and what if i didnt have enough money to get over there, im sure it said that you could view it for upto 2 weeks after the event and i dont think this is a good idea and its very expensive as well, but then i thought i dont really think i would want to be on show when i was at a loved ones funeral grieving
2nd Apr 2008, 07:13pm
Just heard it on the 680 Radio here guys whilst I was out driving. A bit Macarbe was the word used by the DJ.
Then again, Stuarty I loved your post about your Brother, and Stratsons reply. God Bless.
At 75 pounds, or 150 dollars roughly equivelant, this Service is a helluva lot cheaper than any Air Fare for people say like yourself Marina who mentions having close family so far away.
Like has been said here, I think if it's used appropriately then it's not a bad idea really.
I'd imagine the Fee to view would keep the Scum away.
Cripes to think how far Technology's came, we didnae have a phone till I was eight ...an ahm only jist ower nearly like say... twenty somethin
2nd Apr 2008, 07:15pm
2nd Apr 2008, 07:44pm
somethin - Whit??
I am 29 9/10ths somthin too!!
2nd Apr 2008, 09:51pm
What a coincidence Geeza........................me too.........
2nd Apr 2008, 10:32pm
2nd Apr 2008, 10:49pm
2nd Apr 2008, 11:45pm
People who don't feel they want to watch could simply not watch, I suppose.
Whether or not a funeral should be broadcast on the net is another thing. Every funeral I've ever attended has been in a church or a crematorium and none of them were 'private'. That is, anyone passing the church while they were in progress could have come in and watched the proceedings if they'd wanted to.
I'm sure these webcasts are at the discretion of the family of the deceased and the funeral director.
I watched Nick Berg and Ken Bigley being beheaded on the internet. I didn't have to, I chose to. I'd much rather they hadn't been beheaded at all, but I'm almost certain if there had been no such thing as the internet they would still have died.
Like I say, if it's not what you want to look at, don't look.
But remember, it's still there.
3rd Apr 2008, 01:03pm
your braver than me noonan i would have been up all night every night after watching that
3rd Apr 2008, 06:05pm
No there's no way I could watch that , noonan, Mariana I know what you mean about family being so far away but I still find it a bit Creepy , I know its not for every one .
4th Apr 2008, 03:13am
Getting back to the funerals on the Internet, remember -
"The funeral applicant gets a user ID and password and can give these to as many people as they like."
I read this as the person who is organising the funeral - next of kin probably - gives out the password to whomever they see fit. So access to the internet "service" is restricted and NOT open to casual voyeurs.
I really can't see anything creepy about that except that the people actually at the funeral will probably be waving at the camera hoping that Auntie Jeannie in Woolawoola is watching.
6th Apr 2008, 09:17am
I'm pretty sure I read that the camera was said to be 'fixed' on the coffin and person reading the service?
Also agree with the 'security' aspect in that it is password protected, so it is up to those arranging the funeral (family?) to give that info out?
5th Jul 2008, 02:51am
Going back to this topic I have changed my opinion greatly.
My dearest friend died very suddenly in Glasgow last week and it has totally devastated me.Her funeral was at the Linn last Thursday and I would really have liked to see her service.I feel it would have given me a little bit of closure on it somehow.
Her husband was wonderful and in his grief told me he carried me in his heart during the service knowing how much I loved her.
Perhaps if you could only view it with a password , it might not be such a bad thing after all.
7th Jul 2008, 05:56pm
Your right Lennox, it is creepy.
Three years ago my brother who lived in Australia died. A few months later I got a video from his wife and not realizing what it was I put it on, it was a video of William's funeral. I was taken totally unprepared and sat there frozen to the chair and my husband said, " what the hell's this, is this William's funeral, " I couldn't answer him, he walked out the house and went a walk, he couldn't watch it.
I watched it right through as I felt it would be disrespectful to my brother to switch it off. I know that sounds silly, but that was how I felt. I have never watched it again, although I still have it.
Another silly thing that annoyed me was, they kept referring to William as 'Bill'. At home among everyone who ever knew him he was always called William.
7th Jul 2008, 06:30pm
I have not changed my mind I don't like the idea at all. I remember getting all the paperwork back from the funeral home after my mother died, inside there were three pictures of the casket and the flower's. Now I just about died. Fortunately the casket for mom was a closed one if it had been open I think I would have fainted. Not the sort of thing one wants to keep. However like you Heather I cant bring myself to throw them out. I don't need things like that to remind me of her.To me thats just morbid.
7th Jul 2008, 11:13pm
In grief , each to their own.
24th Jul 2008, 08:12pm
I agree Penny each to their own when in grief who knows pal,I suffered the dreadfull loss of my sister on xmas day in South Africa 19yrs ago there were no flights available due to the time of year nor could we get any one of us there any other way. I wouldve gave my right arm to have been able to see her funeral service as in some way it wouldve helped me grieve, I never have gotten over the fact that none of us buried her. we sometimes find it hard to believe she is gone ,sometimes it just feels oddly enough that she is too far away & too busy to catch up with us,she still at times seems alive in our hearts because we had no service for her.
If my mum or sibblings died & I didn't have the thousands of dollars to go to their funerals I would want to see their funeral service not necessarily them in their coffin but yes I would want to see my mums sercice for sure via a pin or password I see no harm in viewing a service lets face it celebrities funerals are always filmed & put onto the news all the time these days.
I don't care if others think it is creepy when my mum goes & if I cannot get there I would want to see the funeral service at all costs.
mary the cloggy jock
3rd Aug 2008, 12:35am
ma mammy died a wee while back we just recorderd the music and the speaches on audio to send to my kin in canada and of course the uk it gied them great comfort cause the cudnie be wae us at that time. a good mate of mine also passed away not to long ago his kin put it on dvd and sent it to the family. they where so glad to see it cause they could not make the funeral
31st Aug 2011, 04:47pm
My Cousin and I were talking this morning and some of you know he lost his dad and me a uncle of the 20th of this month in the UK as I am here and not able to get to the funeral I had mentioned that if there was a link I may have watched it on the web, after much thought I have to say no I would not , cos if I am going to be a blubbering fool then I want someone there with me .
RIP Uncle Jim
31st Aug 2011, 05:33pm
Having spent the largest part of my working life with 'death, dying and living' and having read through many of these posts, I feel a tinge of sadness at some of the points of view. Now don't get all hostile, I totally 'get it' I understand the 'creepy, sicko' notions that come to fore and there are some out there who would relish in being ghouls....
However, it is our attitude to something different - out of the usual, away from tradition and the whole attitude to death that saddens me. We will happily watch a wedding video some twenty years on and count who is 'now gone' from the picture. We'll watch our graduation, birthday, baptism and party videos but we can't watch the other part of life - death!
I sometimes wonder when are we going to include death as part of our life and not always look at something out of the usual and a departure from tradition, but as something that we should celebrate the life of the person. If we can capture that celebration then even better.
Final word, as always when it comes down to the nitty gritty - the choice should be offered, never denied. You can't give enough in the way of choices and the more that people have the better, even in difficult and distressing times and unfortunately, I once again enforce - death is part of my daily work...
31st Aug 2011, 10:05pm
QUOTE (penny dainty @ 7th Jul 2008, 11:51pm)
In grief , each to their own.
I agree PD.
A common sense statement.
31st Aug 2011, 10:29pm
Wow ... what a topic!
But one that needed to be aired.
I've never given the subject much thought although I have heard of it.
I reckon if it was kept within the family/friends circle there wouldn't be anything ghoulish about it.
It's common among Europeans to take photographs of the Dear departed before the lid goes down; I'm not really intae that but ... if you need it - who am I to say?
If my older brother died and I was sent a dvd of the burial I'd probably watch it once and think Well, there he goes ... at least he had a good send off, then I'd put it away and probably forget it.
Being in central Europe I'm only about an hour and a half away from anywhere else in Europe so it probably wouldn't come to that but I can appreciate how some of you folks in far flung places might see this as not such a bad thing ... and that's ok ... as the man said, Each to his own.
31st Aug 2011, 11:39pm
Well, no kidding when I was a wean, my lot had relatives laid out in the back rooms, nea heating, just candles and loads of booze on the chill. That just may be the Irish connection!
Thats where the wake started before the funeral, family feuds to be resolved after the commital. The lid would be propped open in grand piano fashion and the dear departed would be getting toasted and the odd whisky spilt on them.
Me an my pal Duggie Melville used to dog school and jump the wall into the Gravvie to watch funerals, well it was more interesting than 3 part harmony singing lessons with Mr Frederic. The admission price, paid in retrospect was 3 licks o' the Lochgelly. Pit me aff funerals, especially me ain for life.
Funerals are personal, unless yer Royality or similiar riff raff. In general, I feel that they are really not for public consumption on the web unless the deceased can be contacted to approve or yer a sick puppy. Wit next 10 bob in the web meter and order a designer funeral to watch and greet alang with. Bring back the White Heather Club that will have the same effect.
Mind ye I would have paid that to watch MJ going in the oven, but hell that was the only freebie that Wacko gave adults.
The first funeral I remember well was that of my GG Dad, it was the same day that Winston Crutchhill got planted. The hiedstane was going to cost 10 quid, so the idea was kicked into touch, he lies beside my GG Maw in an unmarked grave somewhere in St Kentigerns.
He is better aff there, when I last seen him in Woodilee in 63 with nea teeth eating marshmallows my grannie made he was a pale shade of himself, I felt the passing of a soul.
He was kind man and always made me laugh when playing cards and draughts with him. Cheating auld sod, he always won!
1st Sep 2011, 07:57am
I would hate the thought of people staring at me when I'm dead.
I can understand that it may give a kind of closure to the living but what would it give as regards to respect for the dead?
1st Sep 2011, 11:26am
Rabbie the first "Death & Funeral" I remember was my gg granda anwa never will forget it he seemed fine one week and the following he was in my granda's livingroom in a "box " I was not very old and rushed out of the room, I think now it was as kids we were not supposed to know about death as my granny would say often in the years that followed , in fact I was not allowed to go to a funeral till I was 15yrs and that was the one on my own father.
Death is part of life and a sad one, yes it each their own but wathching a family funeral while I am so far away is not for me , I would be afraid who else would be able to "view " I will keep my memories and show some respect .. Just like Melody says
1st Sep 2011, 11:35am
I don't want to be viewed when I'm dead except maybe if my son wants to have a last look.
My husband does not like viewing dead people and won't look at a dead person not even his own parents, brothers and sister when they died. He said it goes back to when he was young and was forced to view a dead relation because it was called, ' paying respects to the dead'. It frightened the wits out of him and he never forgot it.
The DVD I got about my brother's Funeral did not show him it was just the Service and the Eulogy it showed. But as I did not know what was on the DVD to start with, it just said William on the front, it was a bit of a shock when I saw it was his Funeral Service
1st Sep 2011, 06:01pm
I believe that basically funerals are for the living and not for the dead. If we've ever looked at a dead friend or relative then sadly that is the last memory we have of them. They really aren't there any more in the form that we knew them. I've always regretted doing so and found that that last image has stayed with me for a long time and makes it more difficult to remember the person that they were. The spirit has gone and we are left with an empty shell.
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