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Posted by: javamol 2nd Jan 2007, 08:57pm

Dear Diary,

Well'that's it aw by wi' Tae be honest, diary, if ah see another sprout ah'll poke ma eyes oot wi a mint matchmaker'..ma resolution no tae put things off isny workin oot too well since ah shoulda startit this yesterday. It's aw ma son's fault'.he said he wis givin me a Lazy Boy fur ma Christmas'ah thought he meant the chair but oh naw, no him, he's jist point blank refusing tae do anything'ah said he's been givin me that same present aw his life, but he says that's cos he knows how much ah like it...

Ah've lotsa lovely jumpers mind ye'.and none o' yer yodelling up a mountain type this year'.nice wans'.wans wi slipper socks '.oh, except wan o' them'it's a polo neck, but it's sleeveless'whits that aw aboot?...whits the point o' yer neck bein warm if yer airms are frozen?....ah'll hufty see if a kin get matchin wool an knit the rest o' it masel'.

Ah've took aw the decorations doon, place disny half look bare noo'. Only half mind ye cos ah made a mortal mistake -ah got glittery ornaments, and the glitter's a law untae itsel'.ah've hud glittery tea wi the last glittery mince pies the night'..ah think Oxfam's due a wee visit the morra'.

Here, ah wunner if onybuddy else is startin a diary?....

Posted by: lindamac 3rd Jan 2007, 04:04am

biggrin.gif couldn`t we awe jist use your diary seein as it`s startit anawethings? urr dwee hufty hae oor ain wan? rolleyes.gif





dear javas diary ave been haein a tongue dragging time o it furr sumitt diffrent tae eat,am ferr scunnert wi christmas food anawe, best a could dae was ave made a massive LASAGNE.........................noo ave aweways wunnert witt makes me dae this but the dish is bigger than me yit wurr only 4 o us in the faimly . ns likely weel eat it till wurr jist aboot dunn in and turnt tae LASAGNE thus defeating ma original purpose, tae stoap awe this tonguedragging eatin o same stuff awe the time ,results are , snae differnt frae christmas when ave said awe n dunnit again ye know made too much o the same grubb yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! think am still cooking furr 7 when a cooked furr ma mammy hahaha jings a hope this habit stoaps soon.

Posted by: javamol 3rd Jan 2007, 07:28am

Dear 'Open' Diary,

Resolution number two has gone furra burton...resolved no tae get frustratit when hair dis candy floss thing....got frustratit and hair is now fallin oot at alarmin rate....wunner how much a wig costs.....

Sick tae the back teeth of wind an rain....wunner how much a ticket tae somewhere warm is.....also sick tae back teeth of bein back at work....wunner how much ah've goat in ma pension fund...scratch that, diary, ah've no goat a pension fund....wunner how ah'll survive in auld age....

Phoned mammy and she is fine...has startit wi next years presents awreddy and is waitin fur easter eggs tae appear in shoaps....wunner where ah wis when the organised gene wis bein passed doon the line....probly tryin tae fix hair....

Only wan thing furrit, diary...back tae bed...

Posted by: lindamac 3rd Jan 2007, 11:17am

laugh.gif laugh.gif

FRAID yer mammy passed it oan tae me as ave goat 5 christmas presents and 3 burfdy gifts aweready.hahaha lollol o & thur wisney ony snaw in the envelope or cerd she sent me it in hahaha

dear open diary cin ye no jist keep the name Javas Diary kinda like in the papers or the magazines ye know like dear Doactar or dear (whits yon wan thits inna sunday papers???) ...........AYE thats it .............................DEAR FRANCIS WHITING OANLY WULL USE JAVAMOL stead???witt dyee hink Dear Javamol?

Dear Javamol gonna save up and come see me in Australia furr a hoaladay seeing as its so easy tae make hoals in yer stoakins here,Lets see noo a hoal a day furr 21 days costs ????????????
Dear Javamol how much diz it cost furr 21 pairs o stoakins ? cos weel if ye jist dinny buy any thurrs nane tae get hoals in and thats a cash saving tae go towards yer we stint abroad tae Australia tae stay wi me hahaha

Posted by: jaybee 3rd Jan 2007, 11:26am

Dear Diary, I hope you are a big one because there are an awful lot of chatty people in this group.... anyway, thought you would want to know that I broke more balls taking doon the tree than whit a did puttin up the tree. Ah really should stop putting brandy in my morning coffee...lol, Jaybee

Posted by: Geezabrek 3rd Jan 2007, 07:28pm

Dear (Java's Open) Diary. I am gonna cut doon on the drink and food and sweeties - efter I get through aw the stuff I bot for the guests and aw that my girls bot and my mates bot and wot peepol bot me as pressies and wot I wun in the wurks draw...Or mibby i will start a wee shop?? Hmmm: wink.gif

Posted by: georgia 3rd Jan 2007, 09:06pm

Dear Diary,
Ah'm gonnie be honest wi' ye.....how cin a possibly cut doon oan the drink and sweeties when ah've goet a hooseful o' the stuff? Ah booght loads in an' it's a' gone but ev'rybudy that's visited brooght me mair! So ah've goet tae dae the decent thing and polish it aff...huvn't ah? Ah don't want tae offend anybudy...know whit ah mean? huh.gif

This year ah plan tae plan, tae plan, tae plan tae go roon' the world an' visit Lindyloo.....we're gonnie go surfin' the-gether oan the big waves....that's efter we dae oor parachute jump! Then ah'll go and see a' my other GG pals in OZ, Canada, USA, Scotland and England...so if a' ma plans, tae plan, tae plan, tae plan come tae fruition ah should huv realised a' ma plans, tae plan, tae plan by 2020......ah cannae wait! laugh.gif

Ah'm gonnie bounce oan ma trampoline everyday tae lose a' ma 'puppy fat' then ah'm gonnie buy a rid swimming costume an' see if ah cin get a part in Baywatch while ah'm visiting Tarheels!

Then ah'm gonnie dae a course as a lumberjack (Ye never know when ye'll need these skills) while ah'm visitin' ah' ma GG pals in Canada

Efter a' that ah plan tae come tae Glesga oan ma wey back hame fae ma roon' the world trip, ah'll want tae relax a bit efter a' the excitement so ah'm planning a nice quiet night at the Karaoke in The Horseshoe Bar wi' a' ma GG pals.

Ah'm away tae start ma plans, tae plan, tae plan noo!
If any o' yeez think ah might huv missed sumfin' then let me know please cause ah' want this tae be the trip o' a lifetime!

Posted by: maggies 3rd Jan 2007, 09:42pm

QUOTE (javamol @ 2nd Jan 2007, 10:14 PM)
Dear Diary,

Wellthats it aw by wi Tae be honest, diary, if ah see another sprout ahll poke ma eyes oot wi a mint matchmaker..ma resolution no tae put things off isny workin oot too well since ah shoulda startit this yesterday. Its aw ma sons fault.he said he wis givin me a Lazy Boy fur ma Christmasah thought he meant the chair but oh naw, no him, hes jist point blank refusing tae do anythingah said he's been givin me that same present aw his life, but he says that's cos he knows how much ah like it...

Ahve lotsa lovely jumpers mind ye.and none o yer yodelling up a mountain type this year.nice wans.wans wi slipper socks .oh, except wan o themits a polo neck, but its sleevelesswhits that aw aboot?...whits the point o yer neck bein warm if yer airms are frozen?....ahll hufty see if a kin get matchin wool an knit the rest o it masel.

Ahve took aw the decorations doon, place disny half look bare noo. Only half mind ye cos ah made a mortal mistake -ah got glittery ornaments, and the glitters a law untae itsel.ahve hud glittery tea wi the last glittery mince pies the night..ah think Oxfams due a wee visit the morra.

Here, ah wunner if onybuddy else is startin a diary?....

Dear diary,cos am very new here ,i keep getting lost,so forgive me if i dont get back for a while,cos i forget were i found u,lol wacko.gif

Posted by: jakka13 4th Jan 2007, 03:09am

Hi Maggies ,welcome to the board .We all go round in circles sometimes ,That's what makes these boards fun .
Hope you find your feet soon and get to know us all .
cheers Jakka wink.gif

Posted by: lindamac 4th Jan 2007, 04:24am

DEAR JAVAS OPEN DIARY

AM SEEK O LASAGNE NOO GONNA GEEZ A BREK AND DRAP ME SOME IDEAS FURR DINNER THANKS rolleyes.gif

OH HEAR NOO THANKS FURR THE MORRAS MORN COS WEEL MA HACKET FEET NEED A SEEING TAE YON CURLY NAILS SEEM SET APATRT FRAE SOCIETYS NORM HAHAHALOL................A GOT MASELL A WEE GIFT CERD TAE HAE A FEET MASSAGE AN AWE THE BUNFF THIT GOES WI IT .DYEES THINK THULL HAE SHEERS THERE FUR MA FEET??????? MIBEES A N A WEE RASP FILE FURR MA THICK HORD SKIN O MA FEET HAHAHA NEIL SAYS THEEL NEED A GRINDER FURR MA HACKET FEET THANK GAWD HE`S NO A FEET MAN EH laugh.gif

JINGS AM THAT WAPPIT OOT WI HAEIN TAE USE THE LAWNMOWER FURR TAE SHAVE MA LEGS THE SEFTERNIN

Posted by: javamol 4th Jan 2007, 07:00am

Dear Diary,

Apologies diary, am scribblin very hard this mornin so page underneath will probly have imprints...Am right up tae high doh cos have already spillt tea aw doon me...am sure there is song in there somewhere...

Tripped over dog who am sure lies in wait to see tea in hand then positions itself accordingly...am pretty sure it was grinning as it went under table...

Must go to supermarket today...will take oil can as am bound to get squeaky wheel trolley which also lies in wait grinning and plotting to take me straight to cream cake aisle and then to checkout with longest queue...will get nowhere near the shoe polish I need...

Wunner if ah could live off the land...wunner if dog makes good meat....ah'm kiddin, diary, s'probly way too chewy....wunner how long a person could live oan pine cones....if no entry the morra, diary, question answered....

Posted by: Geezabrek 4th Jan 2007, 06:23pm

Hey Lindamac... whit have I got to do with lasagne ?? Huv you been peekin in my windy the morning efter the night before .. when i daren't look in the mirror? If yer efter tips fur dinner, how about Java's dug... seems it might be on the menu if it keeps trippin her up?
Hey maggie.... very big welcums. wub.gif
Dear Diary... I didny want to go to wurk today, but forced myself and wiz ok when I goat there as i remembered where the kettle wiz. Mibby I can find it again the morra. Anyway, I probably actually like it a bit as I canny forget whit to do when I get there (yet). tongue.gif

Posted by: maggies 4th Jan 2007, 08:56pm

thx u for the welcome Geezabrek,, wub.gif and to u too Jakka 13 tongue.gif ive found my feet with the help of Lindamac,lol,cheers linda lol cheers everyone xxx

Posted by: lindamac 4th Jan 2007, 09:40pm

biggrin.gif HERE NOO A RESEMBLE THAT REMARK rolleyes.gif

Posted by: lindamac 4th Jan 2007, 09:45pm

tongue.gif tHATS A RERR IDEA THANKS FURR THE BREK GEEZA AL HAE A CRACK AT RABBIT STEW HAHAHA OR MIBEES AL HAE SOME ROASTED PIG FRAE SEEING JAVAS WEE PIGGY HAHA THEMS GOTTA BE BETTER THAN JAVAS DUGG AND ANY WAYS SHES GOAT 2 DUGGS SO THE ITHER WAN WULL GET JEALOUS AND WELL THEN AL END UP WI SAME AUL SAME AUL .......TO MUCH O THE SAME FING HAHAHA rolleyes.gif CHEERS JAVAS DIARY....................OINK OINK

Posted by: georgia 4th Jan 2007, 09:48pm

Hey maggies, welcome hen..noo that ye've found yer feet ye'll huv tae come in tae the cyber bar and dae a bit o' pole dancing, me an' Linda will show ye how it's done, nae bother! cool.gif

Dear Diary
Must get that pole back fae oor firemen frien's!!! rolleyes.gif

Posted by: maggies 4th Jan 2007, 09:56pm

Evening Georgia,,thx u for the welcome,,now bout this cyber cafe,,,my feet cant find it,,,am up for a bit of pole dancing,,might get some of the weight off ive gained over xmas,lol hope ur well laugh.gif

Posted by: georgia 4th Jan 2007, 10:22pm

Maggies, Come alang tae ma hoose an' huv a wee bounce oan ma trampoline, it's only a wee indoors wan but ye'll be daein' somersaults an ' tum'lin' o'er yer wilkies in nae time.....ah cin bounce fae ma trampoline ontae the tap o' ma fireman's pole.... laugh.gif

Dear Diary,

This year, ah'm workin' oan a new cabaret act fur the cyber pub. Ah'm gonnie add the trampoline tae ma pole dancin' routine biggrin.gif

Posted by: maggies 4th Jan 2007, 10:27pm

hi georgia,,,put kettle on henam on me way,,,is ur house the one with the fire engine outside,lol,amno that far away am on the south coast biggrin.gif

Posted by: georgia 4th Jan 2007, 10:34pm

maggies, jist follow the blue flashin' lights an' listen fur the sirens hen, ye'll find me at the end o' them!


Dear Diary,

Must remember tae replace that blue light bulb in 2007!

Posted by: maggies 4th Jan 2007, 10:40pm

cooeeeeeee georgia am shouting fru ur letter box but u canny hear me fur the blooming sirens lol tongue.gif

Posted by: stuarty 4th Jan 2007, 11:39pm

java a found where the deer was hidin out soo clever so he is and no ideer laugh.gif


 

Posted by: Anne1 5th Jan 2007, 08:23am

Hi Stuarty, that is a very very clever deer nae wonder java cannae find it, where do you find all these things
Cheers laugh.gif l:

Posted by: javamol 5th Jan 2007, 04:49pm

Dear Diary,

Have spent the day visitin poorly sick person in hospital. Spent half of visitin time in emergency as collapsed at prices charged in car park. Tis no wonder people are sick. Nurse left trolley at bedside of sick person, so bandaged sick person head to toe in order to get moneys worth. Also put plasters on car park attendants peeces will not be able to visit sick person again in near future.

Tried to do 7500 piece jigsaw.was too hard so glued all pieces together and cut into easier shapes.picture is now rubbish but have put lid of box in bin so no-one will know.

Posted by: Lennox 5th Jan 2007, 05:15pm

QUOTE (javamol @ 5th Jan 2007, 12:06 PM)
Dear Diary,

  Spent half of visitin time in emergency as collapsed at prices charged in car park.  Tis no wonder people are sick. 

Dear, Java's Diary
If I had to pay to park at a hospital I would collapse as well, why do you have to pay to go to the hospital? Do they not get enough of your money, oops scratch that diary I forgot you don't pay when you go into the hospital, you have the national health..... I am probaly gonna get in trouble now, oh that is the story of my life so far this year, so I'll just quit while I am a head.

Posted by: lindamac 5th Jan 2007, 06:27pm

rolleyes.gif dear diary am jist wunnerring witt actually becomes o awe the dough ray me that is earned via a hospitals car park? and would be gledd furra a itemised paperchase ..................oh and eventualy get nae whurr fast and weel mays well gie up the noo seeing as a huv a ferr idea o witts ahead o me

dear javas diary oan second thought al jist mind ma ain beeswax cos its as slippery as the governments lengthy unreasonable way to reason wi the people and well being as a aweready know n that al gie it a bi.......................so anyways diary thats ma claw feet awe tidy n paitit up they didny bother wi the file .........cos neils predictions wurr right a had to get grindit wi the grinder as the pototti peeler n cheese peelers broke n thurr wisny any merr blades strong enuff laugh.gif

Posted by: maggies 5th Jan 2007, 06:27pm

evening diary,,,how the devil are u biggrin.gif

Posted by: Geezabrek 5th Jan 2007, 06:42pm

Dear ja-di ... today I succumb-ded and ate another chocolate.. only another 6,003 to ignore then it's easter innit ? biggrin.gif (Hey Stuarty.... that guy is gonna get a heck'ova surprise when nature calls in on that deer) .. blink.gif

Posted by: Geezabrek 5th Jan 2007, 06:43pm

Anybuddy else agree this is gonna be up there wi the pinned wans soon ?

Posted by: javamol 6th Jan 2007, 06:58am

Dear Diary,

Went to local pub last night for change of scene. Sat next to farmers synchronising watches for daily tractor run. Were drowning sorrows as apparently only managed to hold up forty seven cars yesterday. Record is ninety three by four tractors working as team.

Had shot at darts and thought about joining teamcaptain said no as cost of parking at hospital is too high. Had shot at dominoes and thought about joining teamcaptain also said no as joining dots on dominoes is not allowed.

Asked for cherry and umbrella in drink. Pub does not do cocktails so ended up with tomato crisp and dart in half pint of shandy. Was surprisingly good so had two more.now have full set of darts but am still not allowed on team.

Lovely night so decided to walk home. Lovely night lasted exactly seven minits then not so lovely night. Much wind and rain so put hood up. Hood hampers vision so strayed into ditch was filthy and lost shoe in mud but passing polis kindly gave me lift to station. Am now charged with being hoodie and carrying offensive weapons. Pub denies giving me darts. Have sat in cell for eleven hours as husband is stuck in traffic due to tractors. Wunner if polis need new member of gun club.....

Posted by: javamol 7th Jan 2007, 06:01am

Dear Diary,

Tried to make up for being arrested by making lovely meal. Was complete disaster. Seems sweet potatoes are not ordinary potatoes with sugar on top. Have ruined best pan but have new recipe for toffeewill contact McCowans later in day to see if they are intrestit

Found carrot shaped like crossed fingers so bought lottery ticketwas all excited and dancing around with husband as had six numbers up but was checking draw from three weeks ago. Husband has gone for refund on bail money.

Is blowing gale outside but dog wants walk and keeps making bolt for door. Have put toffee on paws but dog is smart and has licked some offcannot open mouth and has only unglued two legs but is still trying for door.

Wunner if approaching policemen like toffee..

Posted by: Rab 7th Jan 2007, 10:22am

Java - laugh.gif Thanks! Better than the Herald Diary.

Posted by: lindamac 7th Jan 2007, 11:09am

Dear Javas Diary
I have jist read awe Javas posts intae her diary and am sure ave made the right decision when a say....."this lassie needs tae be having her ain comic strip cos shes funny hahaha and very much the unconcieous( and am no meaning the oot cauld type hahaha)imagine her oan a stage wi this stuff witta comedienne she would be,better than Billy Conolly nae probs haha.

I love the whole concept of Java dain merr n merr funny comical posts shes pure dead brulliant and her sense o humours marvellously broad and appealing and am nae critic but a hope some day she and her wee funny bits are discovered by professional comedy scouts and earn her mullions cos well she`d ne kind wi that kinda earnings tae and well............mibees al get ma trip hame paid furr hahahaha laugh.gif Don`t panick diary a was oanly joking well a thoat it wis funny..........och well thurrs only wan Java & I raise my hat off tae her hilarity & fun nature yer magic Java dolls.........can a be yer roady? hahaha tongue.gif

Posted by: Geezabrek 7th Jan 2007, 07:38pm

C'mon Java.. Let the diary ken with yer oan hen! ... A know we had loadsa mines here'n cumbria and wi you are living oan the land anat, yu'v probabley got a 'secret' mine with aload-0 lead or "summat else" eh? - jist like that wummin in the movie aboot the lakes eh?? (she had a secret for a hunnert years - called 'The lake district"... rolleyes.gif PS. Wiz that wanny your dugs that left a wee 'deposit' oan my gardin last night? At first I thoght it wiz a mole til i tried to move it... grrrrrr. Jist wait .... tongue.gif

Posted by: javamol 8th Jan 2007, 07:12am

Dear Diary,

Policemen very understanding. Have agreed to drop charges if I volunteer for community service. Have joined group of ten and am only one without asbo so am clearly inadequate.

Have been assigned to help frail old lady. Have actually been assigned to help sixty three cats who let frail old lady live in house. Sixty three cats can sense am dog person. Many claws and much hissing. Will bring dog tomorrow.

Tried to clean house but cats get in way. Threw bit of fish out back door but all cats went for cat flap at same time. Now only sixty one cats. May achieve asbo status sooner than expected.

Frail old lady is keen on sewing. Is making cushion for each cat. Ran out of cats at sixty one cushions so had to create diversion by sewing fingers together. Frail old lady is not very good nurse. Was happy to let me bleed to death while she looked for missing cats. Caused further diversion by hiding cushions but frail old lady followed trail of blood and found them in cistern. Now have stitches in arms and legs as well as fingersold lady is not as frail as she looks.

Was not allowed on bus to get home and husband is still in huff over lottery so had to walk. Was followed by thirty seven cats. Have no fish to throw so may have to use dog.will have cup of tea and see if dog grins.


PS. Cheers all.....but this is gonna get very borin if we dont get everybody tae join in....give us yer daily read.... biggrin.gif

Posted by: lindamac 8th Jan 2007, 07:35am

biggrin.gif Dear Javas Diary Boring witt this here Diary nae wayes wull it get boring sos weel .........am oan it hahaha,,,,witt?..........am kiddin!

Its 11am monday mornin........I have tae get oota ma jamjams
1130am scootit aroon shout box then the boards


1.30pm awe ma Gawd a better move it n get the washing in.then a cin hae anither wee go at boards,mibees type a few answerposts.

2.30pm awe Jings ave no dunn the brekky dishes yit? better move.................................3.30pm phew am rid hoat runnin roon here sweat gushin oota me here ..Oh ehm Neil....xxx hiya hows yer day doll hope ye wurrney working as hard as me the day doll? soooo hot ave no even had time tae git dressed am that Puggelt ...................3.40 Neils in shower am Blue n the face n ers n graces as a dust dry dishes spray airfreshner n make a cuppa tea n ask ma son tae cook the tBones furr tea the nicht cos well he cooks thum better than me.....................well he does!.........4pm Neils clean a gave him his cuppa & telt him thurrs emails furr him & ave set up the Pooter aweready furrum haha.............. phew am aff furra shower Steaks furr tea the nicht oor Steven wull cook um whilst am showering al be back in 10 mins 5pm Lindas clean but jist pit oan clean jamjams cos well its night timish int it & wurr no gawn oot hahaha 5.15pm Dinners polished aff and we 3 are blethering efter oor eats (Heathers away oan her holidays).....6.50 Neil stevens asleep am back oan the boards and made anither shout read a pm and replyed tae a topic ..........awe naw Neils shouting a best get these dishes washed afore a totaly pee him aff............Jings am a lucky lassie the day ave managed tae get away wi murder polis haha laugh.gif Its only 6.52 pm hahaha

Posted by: Geezabrek 8th Jan 2007, 07:20pm

Dear JD. A think a found wan o them bloomin cats - I went tae a retirement home doon the coast today and nearly tripped over a resident cat ... but in 'suddenly' dodging it I caught my foot on a zimmer and landed in a heap on the carpet ... Didny think anywan had seen my acrobatics but on looking up saw a wee group of oldies sat smiling silently at me ... Musta thought the Christmas entertainment had arrived late? grrrrr blink.gif

Posted by: javamol 9th Jan 2007, 08:13am

laugh.gif Geeza....ye probly made their day.... biggrin.gif ...

Dear Diary,

Went back to old lady. Only thirty six cats followed so had to hide one more cushion. Old lady wanted to sort out attic so phoned Sothebys in advance. Lady is old so figured stuff must be old. Was wrong. Old lady is hoarder of empty tins and bottles. Have packed eighty one boxes of empty tins and bottles, one dead mouse and two stuffed cats. Snooty man from Sothebys came. Did not want stuffed cats but had suggestion for where I could put them. Am pretty sure snooty man failed biology O level.

Went to supermarket to get trolley for moving boxes to recycling point. Was followed by only sixteen cats so rest must be in cream puff. Discarded fourteen trolleys but still managed to get wobbly wheel. Trolley only holds six boxes so made many trips. Put green glass in clear glass bin by mistake. Jobsworth watching so had to retrieve green glass. Have many cuts and bruises. Sixteen cats spied two stuffed cats and wanted reunion so have many scratches also. On way back saw many small children running scared to mummies. Big Issue seller gave me free copy. Think am now official mad bag lady of town.

Got home and went for lovely bubble bath. Must remember in future bubble bath is very nippy when person has many cuts and scratches. Slipped in panic to get out of bath so now have head split open but cannot get stitches as am still banned from hospital. Am staying in bed for rest of week. Cannot possibly come to any harm there.

Posted by: Geezabrek 9th Jan 2007, 09:42pm

Java... pop an auld deed fish in the cardboard recycle unit ... they'l aw follow the smell and then enjoy the lovely wee hoos they've found and likely stay (mibby). PS Run like hell when you see them go in otherwise they mite see ya and follow ya bak hame??

Dear JD.. Went tae wurk today and parked like everybuddy else in the street near the building (nae car park fur us pal) and went back to car about 45 minutes later and bless them, I got a parking ticket fur not displaying wan of them 'parking discs' (forgoat) .... grrrr.... doubt if I can get aff it, but have submitted a challenge / response to say they only popped their initialls on the document when it says 'signature' .. I will challenge it as far / often as possible just to make them wurk and will feel better knowing they have had to earn my 30 (if paid within 14 days - 60 if not). mad.gif

Posted by: javamol 10th Jan 2007, 08:10pm

Mair power tae ye Geeza...make them dae somethin fur wur money... biggrin.gif

Dear Diary,

Am poorly sick. Cuts and scratches are awfy sore. Good news is found missing cat this morning. Bad news is missing cat was in bed so have now spilt porridge all over sheets and duvet. Am too poorly sick to change bedding. Have thrown cat out of bed and thrown sheets and duvet on top so am having good laugh watching cat trying to get out. Am too poorly sick to laugh but am struggling on. Am bit lonely....wunner where all pals are.... sad.gif

Posted by: Geezabrek 10th Jan 2007, 08:49pm

Dear JDiary. Still nae response from the mad mullahs. Have made a mental note to reply to whitever they say with another email, then mibby wan or two phone calls, then if I 'must' pay it, I reckon on 30 individual 1 cheques as I'll have lawfully paid but 'they' will have to pay a business charge on each cheque so won't be getting all the dosh. Have asked Bank for new cheque book.
Made another mental note to growl at the mullahs when they come in the same lift as me (or mibbi I should just do a silent wheeeesht ?? Not sure.
Made another mental note to do something else but canny remember whit !!
New bathroom being installed. Looking forward to washing in bowl in kitchen tomorra dry.gif

Posted by: lindamac 11th Jan 2007, 06:49am

unsure.gif Dear Diary am that hoat the noo please remind me tae make a mental note to shut front door when am gone roon the hoose in nuffin but ma drawers & spaggetti strapped top cos the thoat o the mailman or anywan else seeing ma bitz o this n bitza that is quite unnerving tae me. A hink am merr upset at the heat the noo than witt the heck the postie sees haha och weel hes used tae ducking under the trees when they stick thurr bitts oat in front o um. oan secint thoats am no botherin mibees al keep door open tae get merr breeze in.

Ave had a tiring coupla days so am dain nae merr furra coupla days merr haha well it looks like am dain summitt dint it ? och noo the day a was oan GG catching up oan posts & replys etc when I saw a few wee familiar paths appearing & so anyways even though ma mind says noo Linda dinny eat the hook the line nor the sinker jist pass it by say nuffin but strictly speaking it`s no exactly in a wummins nature tae dae nor say nuffin so .....................Aye a did I ate the whole hook line and near choked oan the sinker of a few posts that aggravatit me so ave got ma feet waiting cooling in a bucket o watter tae keep me fresh furr being hooked lined & sunk yet again when that poster fishes again haha. while I wait for the opposing poster tae come fishing furr me I will sit aroon dae merr o nuffin & well soak haha cheery bye Diary see ye ron as in Later eh.haha laugh.gif

Posted by: rdem 11th Jan 2007, 08:04am

Dear jd, ah've jist scooted in, ah hope ah don't get caught , ah hink java's away see'intae the cats. This seemed the perfect venue 'cause ah jist wanted tae say java, linda, georgia, sumac, catherine, jist tae name a few huv a very nice turn wi' words. Ah'm stoapped bein' amazed at the literary ramblin's that they manage tae post oan an on goin' basis. The imaginative pieces whether fiction or jist succinct factual retellin's are worth the trip tae GG every chance ah get. Anywey, ah'm oot o' here afore ah get caught. !!!!!!

Posted by: javamol 11th Jan 2007, 09:57am

S'onybuddy's diary, Ron.....all contributions very welcome.... biggrin.gif

Dear Diary,

Am no longer poorly sick. Covered self in calamine lotion and germoline. Husband came into room in dark and thought ghost of granny was in bed so is in huff again. Am not sure why pink and white dotty person reminds him of granny, must look into family tree.

Had visit from few friends, but have noted missing names and will save for emotional blackmail later.

Went to butchers to get stuff for second attempt at lovely meal. Butcher is very nice manwill mince anything. Except dog. Enquired at inopportune moment and butcher is now very nice man with three fingers. Did not charge for extra bits. Decided to try spaghetti bolognaise. Was not sure which wine is good with spaghetti so bought four different bottles. Was very proud of self. Made trial batches of spaghetti and tried with each wine. Woke up thinking husband had forgiven all, but was dog licking sauce from face. Could not remember which combination was best, but immaterial since no wine or spaghetti left. Am looking particularly sexy with mixture of sauce, calamine and germoline so am thinking of bringing out own range of skin products. Will phone Avon as soon as dog gets off me.

Posted by: georgia 11th Jan 2007, 10:11am

Dear Diary,

Ah'm sitting' in ma lounge ferr scunnered because ah've temporarily loast ma independence. sad.gif Ah've goet tae say though that ma man huz been great, he's plonked me oan the sofa wi' ma laptoap an' everythin' ah need fur the day oan the coaffee table, ie. files, paperwork, accounts, mornin' post, weetabix fur breakfast, sandwiches fur lunch, bottled water, tissues, baby wipes, 3 telephones, phone charger, remote controls, vitamin tablets, medication, diary, notepad, pens, handbag, magazines, oh and a big puffed-up pillow and blanket! Trouble is ah don't know whether ah should be daein' accounts/paperwork, making phone calls, eating/drinkin', blawin' ma nose, watchin' tele or courrieing into ma pillow and blanket. Ah cin jist aboot get up oan crutches noo, so hopefully ah should be runnin' ma ain life again soon! Ah cannae complain though cause ma man's been great, he's seein' tae me afore he' goes tae work, workin' a' day, gaun shoppin, makin' dinner, daeing the washin', hooverin' etc., ok it's no' how a' wid dae things, there seems tae be a never-ending supply of beer comin' fae the fridge an ah' cin see things a wid luv tae get up an' dae masel properly but ah cannae so ah wull jist huv tae be patient an' wait tae ah'm able an' be grateful that ah've goet such a carin' man in the furst place.

Hopefully ah'll be a wee bit mair active tamorra!!!! smile.gif

Posted by: stratson 11th Jan 2007, 11:14am

Dear Diary, this is a message fur java, as a wance conneusseur o wines,(maistly drinkin' them) may I suggest java next time yer makin' a Bolognese the best red wine tae compliment it is a "Cheeky wee Beaujolais". tongue.gif

Posted by: georgia 11th Jan 2007, 11:36am

Aye Java, try a cheeky wee Beaujolais Nouveau 1999 laugh.gif wink.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 11th Jan 2007, 11:40am

Dear Diary, am fair fed up been no well since xmas never even got oot at the bells tae ma hogmanay bash its no fair sad.gif a was nursing ma man and lassie the 1st week of xmas, but me being a woman i jist could nae lie doon tae it.

Hid tae crawl tae the cooker and make soup for the invalids, well we aw no that men dont take the flu its life threatning wae the men folk laugh.gif

Well am gonny brave the elements the day cos a hiv got hoose syndrome and get blew away wae a gust a wind known ma luck ha ha.

Posted by: rdem 11th Jan 2007, 01:10pm

Dear Dairy, It's awfu' aboot a' these wummin being sick, it's no right, ah hope they feel better soon. That reminds me that ah huvnae hud a sniffle in five years, nae cauld, nae flu (knock oan wid) coincidentally the same time that ah huv been a vegan. Ah put it doon tae no takin' any dairy (awright so a wee bit o' milk chocolate noo and then,mostly noo!!!) Ah no preachin'mind ye, jist tellin' how it is wi' me. A' the best and hope tae see yeez up an' at it.!!

Posted by: georgia 11th Jan 2007, 01:25pm

Up an' at whit rdem???? rolleyes.gif wink.gif

Posted by: javamol 11th Jan 2007, 05:59pm

QUOTE (rdem @ 11th Jan 2007, 09:21 AM)
The imaginative pieces whether fiction or jist succinct factual retellin's .....

Ye know Ron, ah'm happy tae admit that ma ramblins are fictional. Ah hope ah raise a wee smile noo and again....however, ah think the scary part is that every wan o' Catherine's is true... laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: stuarty 11th Jan 2007, 06:24pm

a think the wee bojangles way the blognasi would be viniger by noo whit aboot a wee ros'e as its bucket would be better laugh.gif

 

Posted by: Lennox 11th Jan 2007, 06:34pm

Dear Diary, I am going back a few posts, but just wonder did new toffee Java was tring to make look any thing like this...., as far as wine goes I'll take any kind of sweet german wine anytime.
Hope you all are OK....

Posted by: javamol 13th Jan 2007, 12:40pm

Dear Diary,

Have been in state of panic .could not find diarywas not where I left ithave informed police who do not appear to be least bit intrestit but say they have made notes..asked if I could borrow notes till I find diary but notes are top secrethave chewed tops off three pens and have blue lips and tongue..have had forty seven cups of teadog appears to have sixth sense and has stayed under table.have taken twenty two kinds of calm pills and am yellow..or mellow.one or other.will look for diary again when big white rabbit goes home..

Posted by: javamol 14th Jan 2007, 11:24am

Dear Diary,

Am black affrontit....am never listening to wise mammy again....wise mammy says never let good drying day go to waste...is open to interpretation but think windy day is good drying day. Best nix are now in farmers field. Sheep are also in farmers field. If sheep end up wearing best nix, wise mammy will be poked in eye with last of mint matchmakers...

Posted by: lindamac 14th Jan 2007, 11:49am

rolleyes.gif Dear Diary........................next time ye decide tae run away n leave me .......................Flamin TELL ME !!!!!!!!.........................ave been looking awe wheres furr ye dear diary an here ye urr entertainin awe GG cept .....MOI!!!!!...........................Noo thats goat many kinds o maddenin factos in it Diary.

Jist as well a had ma man tae talk tae so he widd listen tae me only fing aboot using a real live fella is they turn tae stone & yeev goat tae keep chippin away at thum tae make sure thurr actualy listening,Neils endit up looking like the side o Hollywoods mountains where awe them presidents faces urr ye know wans am meanin? hey dyee fink America loast there Diary tae???? hmmm,Jings !!!

Neil is starin intae space n sfunny glakit look soart o widden mixed wi stoney face peerin intae space look if ye know witt a mean thurrs this hissin sound coming oota him am urny sure witt ends fae but sounds like HelpmyGGcomebackawesfurrgied oanly its gita Gassy leekin oot soarta sound ..............A wish a cood intrepadate cos a canny tok stoneage Lingo.......................................................Aye so anyways efter witt felta lifetime o boredom alang ye come ya big Diary tease & tempt me back only tae dissapear oan me again and again!!!! Diary urr ye there? ye listenin?

Dear Diary Neils awe tirt & away tae bed yeed think he wizz sick o talkin and well a couldney get a wurd in the whole entire time Neil wiz dain the stoneage look ye know so am lookin tae tell ye diary...................................................................???Where on earth ye been cos a was stuck in cyberspace n ye wurrny therr????? Diary??????????????????????? rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Geezabrek 14th Jan 2007, 07:31pm

Dear diary. Kept looking on the email fur a reply fae the mad-mullah-traffic-wallahs and nothing there - wundered whit the letter in post wiz aboot when I saw their 'name / heading' - Open'd it and it's fae them!! Agggh!! Quick skan and there is nuthing about a fine, so read it again (slower) and they are only telling me they got problems with their pooters and they are sorry but will get back to me later? Is it an omen or whit? Time will tell - at least that auld shilling is still in my bank account. dry.gif . Went fur a ride yisterday and saw a blawn over lorry and a guy stood talking to the polis. Didny look too happy? Loasa wind here and s'no aw mine. rolleyes.gif

Posted by: lindamac 15th Jan 2007, 05:05am

laugh.gif aye a know Geeza it`s likely the wind o the polis pal winding up the sails o anither poor fella eh? sno richt awe these fines n watching folk int it no?
seems yer ok furra wee 5 mintys then yeel get that ither yin ye dinny want pal am no wishin it oan ye mind am jist sympathetic furr yer wee problem wi the traffic state o things etc. Dear diary it happent tae ma son wance he thoat the polis furrgoat him cos well he was right enough to be in a transit lane fur only wan person cosefter a certain time of day anywan cin use this wee transit lane so ma son was driving & heading towards it to drive oantae next portion of lane knowing it was efter 7pm at night & this lane was usable tae anywan efter 6pm noo bare in mind noo he hadnt yet reached the sign tae state the entry point of lane yet polis pult him up & widdney let the boy tok they telt him tae shutup & take it like a man dain wrang should dae.

Sure enuff they wurr wrang he heard nowt then 3mths later they pit oot a warrant furr his arrest as he had an unpaid 75 dollar fine which they selt oer to a debt collecter who by the time telt ma son that they now were owed 300bucks by my son & his licence blocked indefinitely as well as a warrent furr his arrest .

Ma poor law abiding son was devastatit as he had cash he`d never owed anywan any time a single thing in his life & noo it was up tae 300 he asked why the debt collector said it`s cos of interest & time to place warrent & cancel licence which he also had to pay to get reinstatit tae as well as the 3 hunner. mad.gif

The stinkinn pigs took it & they knew he was right & they were wrong but they recomendit he sue thum which would cost merr than worth yes he would win it but thats awe it does intae bargain of paying all court fees etc furr Lawyers who telt ma son jist shake it aff as bad experience costs will be too high too prove yer point noo Diary I ask ye how sad dog is that????The boy was mortifyed so he was as he truly is law abiding tae.a cin oanly shake ma heid & hope yer gonna be awericht Geezabrek & same will not happen tae ye pal.The wee man in the streets gotta get a break soon.

Posted by: Geezabrek 16th Jan 2007, 04:12pm

Am sure yer right lindamac, there must be a limit that folks can put up with before they snap en-masse... We used to laugh and say that 'they wid tax us fur breathin if they could' and now they do and call it 'green taxes'.... Sorry fur yer lad = unlikely to ever forget that eh? mad.gif Dear Diary - Well, as for myself, I am sure that they will gie me a fine soon enough (but still - not yet), but I am certain that I've got the bill down by making them work for it ... just a few more 'enquiries' to do with them, then I'lll pay up = never just 'give in'... a few phone calls /letters
means they are using up their resourses to just talk / write back to you, so you are eating into their profit. (widny mind so much if the profit wiz used for something 1/2 sensible - please don't tell me it keeps the rates doon) .. dry.gif Got a man in to fit a new bathroom... didny realize how nice it is to wash in the kitchen sink and wee in the @*^$es .... Still, nearly done noo. :-)

Posted by: javamol 16th Jan 2007, 09:19pm

Dear Diary,

Ahm ina big cream puff.dearly beloved has decided tae go findeeself in the jungle. He jist came back frae the jungle enda November, so how loast kin he be? The case is jam packed saw fishin stuff an oinkmentsno a bitta room left fur me No that ah want tae go tae the jungle.ah dontbut it widda been nice tae be asked, ye know.ah think he thinks ah couldny hack ma wey through itah tellt him, ah kin yase a machete, ah kin eat a monkey, ah kin haud a snake.ah know ah canny, but thats no the point is itah've tellt him if there's no sumthin green an sparkly in the case when he gets back machete an snake'll feature heavily in his future....that's no unreasonable is it?

Posted by: javamol 17th Jan 2007, 10:15am

Dear Diary,

Have found wee pheasant hiding in barn. Tis still open season, so will hide it. Wee pheasant has made lovely nest but isnt very good housekeeper. Have tried making conversation but wee pheasant not very talkative. Have tried usual small talk, hows the family, horrible weather and so on, but no responsewell, no verbal response, is giving me weird look thats the thanks I get for letting it live rent freewill be leaving fridge door open, wet towels on floor and inviting all friends round for party next

Posted by: stuarty 17th Jan 2007, 09:58pm

oh java a got a wee phesant and hen phesant plate aff the back of a lorry soto speak a just had to have it its old but its lovery and no worth a sausage ..........im not the phesant plucker am the phesant pluckers son and a'll be pluckin phesants till the phesant plucker comes do you know that yin

 

Posted by: lindamac 18th Jan 2007, 01:29am

Dear Javas Diary..............................Diary am oot & aboot looking furr explainations or if anywan else has to put up wi this Aye so Diary cin ye tell me why ...Noo Even if a get the big black Inky oot & scroll awe oer it, ma name MAMMIES DON`T TOUCH!!!!!!.........so how come when am at the shoaps & a ask ma man witt kind he wants? or phone hame tae the weans via mobile witt kinds urr yees wantin cos well this hoose everywan wants thurr ain as if that`s no bad enuff combined wi haein ma name oan mines & asked thum awe witt kind thurr wantin tae thumsells etc efter awe That............................................................Still Yitt a go tae the fridge every mornin tae find that ma Brekki Juice namely Brekki Juice wi Mammies don`t touch oan it & it has extra fibre vitamins abc& folate .......Hows it every Flaming mornin a go it`s a 3rd full(am sain that cos ma man says dinny talk negative hen we awe know thurrs some left so say a 3rd full rether than empty) So am trying oot tae be posative so if it isney 3rd full it`s 10th full or jist clear enough tae see a wee line o bloomin JUICE!!!!!!! YET NOO A mean YITT! thurrs faithers Pineapple full Ma lassies Apple Juice Full Ma sons Orange Juice full........wait tae ye funn oot where they urr?...........................In the flaming Pantry!!!!!!!!! awe hoat warm & Yukki according tae them!!!!! So Diary witt else am I tae dae when ma names oan it Their ain wans urr in pantry so mines even wi ma name oan it warnings in Inky Block capitals anawe then .................WHY Dae They Huvty Drink Mines????????..........................They telt me cos mines is cauld n yummy huh!..................Atween you & me Diary A oanly buy this juice cos a thoat they widdney like awe the fibre etc.Turns oot am enjoying the last Laff cos thurr awe wunnerring how come thurr runnin tae BOGG awe day snawe like they used tae dae that???..........Wull a tell thum it`s the extra fibre in Juice Diary?.................Och heck NAWE!!!!!!!!! They cin fight furr the Bogg whilst ave put awe thurr Juices in the fridge furr thum AGAIN!!!!!!!.............Oh Aye & ave draint thum awe tae Hauf Full atween thum awe they cin fight it oot meanwjile back at ma ranch in ma wee room fridge ave hidden a 3litre juice mixture of awe thurr haufs hahahahahaha laugh.gif laugh.gif They cin steal ma juice anytime cos am wan laffin cos they`ve Nae clue it`s ma Juice that gies thum the runs hahahahaha & they awe blame each other furr Nockin thurr Juices hahaha a jist say............HAWE! dinny be lookin at me cos well yees awe know whurr ma Juice is ...In YER FAT GREEDY FEEVIN BELLIES!!!!! hahahahahahahahahaha Dear Diary fanks furr cheerin me up & seeing a git last laff hahaha & aweboady fights oer the juice a stole which I enjoy not being part of , hahahaha & they run awe day tae bogg wi mines hahaha am never telling hahahaha sposing thurr it crapper awe day am sain Nuthin! haha AM I Bad? hahaha am no caring hahahaha Beware the Mammys Glare In Her Ultimate Revenge o the Juice Feevs hahahahahahahaha

Posted by: javamol 18th Jan 2007, 06:44am

Let loose wi the juice...

 

Posted by: keelie gal 18th Jan 2007, 09:10am

laugh.gif Lindamac thats so funny

Posted by: lindamac 19th Jan 2007, 02:21am

sad as it may sound dear wee diary,ma entry above was a true & accurate response tae ma exasperating situations ,jings ave many merr a cin share but shoulda? if yees want some merr o ma mammy tricks of the trade then am willing tae spill em hahahaha Dear Diary a cin be such a cacklin witch Ma faimly only like the best brands as they call thum,.........Ye know witta mean only Heinz tomatoe or masterfoods bbq sauces well as yees know oftentimes a mammys budget disney aweways streetch tae best brands. Ah Came up wi a solution a learnt it frae a ministers wife tae oooooooooooooooooowahhhhhhhhhh aye so any ways ye huvty initialy splash oot & buy the better brands but when thurr awe away tae work wash oot the boatles then refill with shoaps ain brand o sauces haha laugh.gif Ye know witt folks a mibees appear a dirty wee cheat etc but witta they awe dain they think thuv been taking best brands furr years yet it is shoaps hame brand hahahahaha laugh.gif Dear Diary who`s fooling whom??? I ask ye?

Posted by: javamol 19th Jan 2007, 07:47pm

Dear Diary,

Am giving blood today….

TAX RETURN

Gross Income: Not nearly enough

Dependant Deductions:

1 Husband plus additional jungle life insurance
27 children – 3 of own and associated best pals
86 Dogs – 2 of own and all associated males when said dogs are in season
1 pheasant plus bag of replacement feathers – tis shooting season, pheasant is very stressed
2 goats plus beard trimming machine
1 reindeer plus polish for nose..reindeer has self esteem issues
893 birds when feeders are full

Allowable Expenses

Internet connection for life support machine
Christmas cards to counsellors via aforementioned internet connection
Transport to cyber pub plus pink lady uniform
Oil for swingy seat
Bail money for unfortunate incident with hood and darts
Replacement sheets for unfortunate incident with germoline and calamine lotion
Replacement cats for unfortunate incident with old lady
Insurance against all future unfortunate incidents

Net Income: Nada.. nowt… zero… zilch…

Tax Due: Two pints

Posted by: Geezabrek 19th Jan 2007, 09:07pm

Dear diary. I heard somewhere that lindamac has a problem with her fridge and the juice gone walkabout when it shouldny, so... Well, this kept happening at my wurk when I wiz wurking for a lassie who is blind and has a guide dog.. Her milk bottle kept going walkabout.. One day, I decided to pop a lable onto the milk which said it wiz 'dog milk' and guess what? Naebuddy touched it! dry.gif .. Now then - the same wiz still happening to others but no longer us? As I moved to another job and actually have my coffee black, it wizny bothering me any mer, but I listened to the grumbles of the others = same stuff still going on!!.... *Noo a lassie who wiz aff on maternity leave has recently came back and brings her coffee/tea milk in wan of her wee wains bottles (like a photy in a sense I guess) and funnily enough, again - naebuddy steals her milk?? dry.gif Whits going on?? Is the answer to put stuff into odd recepticles lindamac??

Posted by: lindamac 20th Jan 2007, 06:20am

Dear Diary & Geeza, Aye that is exactly witt tae dae haha Noo when a furr instance wrap up ma left oer cadbury choccie intae tin foil then rewarap agian intae clingwrap & post a white sticky label oan it saying in giant thick Inky....................Mum`s Laxachoc don`t be daft yeel run tae bogg awe day if ye steel this.................they never touch it haha cos weel thurr no Game if ye know witt am saying. ................Aye & when a get an odd day of getting up tae mischief & just huvty get thum back a mean,well a wrap up ma exlax choccie frae ma bedside cabinet mibees 4 squares sferr size enuff bait.....a simply wrap that in cadbury packet then cling film & post a white sticker oan it saying touch this choccy & yeel regret it they never ..............a mean never fail tae faw furrit haha again mammy smiles quietly saying tae thum witts wae ye ? yer never oota the bogg the night ? hahahaha.they aweways say aye a know musta been summitt ave eaten hahaha a fink tae massell aye a know fine witt yeev eaten ya mungrels yees haha Och the sweet delight of...........Mammy paying back the fevvin gits that munch & drink oer aweboadys stuff but thurr ain hahahaha,,,,,I even nock bites oota there chocolate anawe they aweways blame wan anither teehee am I bad och jist wance in a while hahaha lol laugh.gif

Posted by: stuarty 20th Jan 2007, 05:30pm

where the hell has my two bits of writing that a know a put up and so does that yon java a bet they goats ate them dint they comon tell the truth a want my renditions to this diary back camon who took them a gutted pure gutted am offski sad.gif

Posted by: javamol 20th Jan 2007, 05:43pm

Dear Diary,

If the poster above is referring to the post in which she tried to make me cop furra tinna poalish she happent to lend me for my reindeer's nose, might I suggest that the above mentioned poster looks in her ain cupboard whereupon she will find the said tinna poalish has been pit back in.... biggrin.gif

Posted by: Geezabrek 21st Jan 2007, 09:06pm

Dear diary. Had a new shower installed and had to leave aw the sealant etc., to harden before I could use it... left it for over the time span I wiz told (24-36hrs) and then used the new shower - wiz great until the wife said it wiz cummin through the kitchen ceiling !! no happy the noo. Gonna have wurds with the installers the morra. Grrrrrr... mad.gif Am Gonna huv tae use the garden hose again tomorra morning.. dry.gif

Posted by: javamol 22nd Jan 2007, 10:49am

Geeza, we had similar thing....huge sign on new shower saying apply sealant to outside, so where did they apply it?....

Dear Diary,

Have had very exhausting day. Took son to play in football match. Tis stupid game at this level. Can only assume referee had domestic before match. Did not give penalty for son getting mud on strip. Has obviously never had to wash strips. Tried to tell son that strip needs washed before mud sets in but ref sent me off pitch and carried on with game. Ran up and down side lines throwing water on son to rinse strip. Tried to clean ball when game stopped for minute but was told to replace on penalty spot and go home. Am being blamed for team losing. Tis last time I will supply oranges.

Had lovely bath and applied Oil of Ugly Seven Signs of Ageing…am currently showing nine signs of ageing so am not sure how to treat other two. Was very tired after all running around so lay down in darkened room. Tis very relaxing to hear only sound of own heartbeat. Tis very stressful when sound of own heartbeat stops. Turns out was not heartbeat….was bass from son playing music. Have put all cds through dishwasher.

Posted by: stuarty 22nd Jan 2007, 03:48pm

dear diary that polish a will us to polish........it....behind,,,the door and a know that javas in choots way sumbody sumwhere and am gon mad as a got her 3 extra pints fae the taxi man and a extra few bobbys back so she can re feather the baldy cooted phesant thats she got and they yon feathers she was wearn a posh hat with these big huge feathers with phesant plucker on them so whos takin the polish oot o hoooo nooo and its no me so a would like tay know just where the topics went probably doon her neck with the snickers a suppose laugh.gif

Posted by: Geezabrek 22nd Jan 2007, 07:38pm

Dear Diary.. left big boss to deal with workmen today while I slithered aff to wurk oot the way. Seems the guy 'believes' it is to do with the sealant at the base, so he's slapped mer goo doon there! dry.gif I phoned the fitters shop and said I 'believe' it might be something else, so I'm hoddin oan tae the balance of the money for noo - till I've been in it again and had a good splash about. *Honestly, they've no sense of humour.. wanted the dosh noo (huh)!!
Didn'y seem too happy when I said if it creates another shower in the kitchen that I'll need that dosh to pay for someone to re-paint in there? Oh the joys of employing someone eh?? dry.gif (and the mad-mullah-traffic-folks huvny sorted oot my 'fine' yet either).

Posted by: Geezabrek 22nd Jan 2007, 07:39pm

Oh. Couldn'y have shower wi garden hose this morning. Forgot I wiz over here and not over there (Aussie) and it wiz dead frozen this morning.... :-)

Posted by: Catherine 24th Jan 2007, 01:41am

Dear Diary......Ahm wae you Geezabrek, minus 9 the day, wae the windchill minus 14 an hot tae trot NOT!! laugh.gif

The last week has seen me realise it's time fur the eye test, when ye buy a new Toothpaste cos ye read it's for for wine an tea....an then find oot in a group a wummen it says WEAR an TEAR then aye......{if ye'll pardon the pun laugh.gif } it's definately time.

Posted by: javamol 24th Jan 2007, 04:42pm

Dear Diary,

Am with child. Have jist eaten five cadbury mini rolls so am either 'with child' and having cravings or 'very greedy'. Am going with cravings.....or perhaps have Catherine syndrome and have actually jist eaten five carrots....

Posted by: Catherine 24th Jan 2007, 05:08pm

Dear Diary..orangey glad ah didnae say broccolli Java laugh.gif
When you think it's butter, but it snot laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 24th Jan 2007, 05:13pm

Oh I cant believe it snot butter.... laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Catherine 24th Jan 2007, 05:44pm

..nobutsit'sgottobebutternobutsit'sgottobebutter laugh.gif
Dear Diary, ah loved that ad , mind when aw the drawers an doors an plates an cutlery start bangin away in the wummins kitchen laugh.gif

Posted by: Rab 24th Jan 2007, 06:39pm

Dear Dairy. Today.
Brushed snow off car bonnet. Drove up road. Opened car window to help demisting. Snow from roof blew inside car blinding me. Scary braking to a halt. Removed snow from roof. Drove to supermarket with frozen hands. Car park nearly full. Had to park 200 yards from store. At store entrance, only clapped out trolleys left. Selected 'best' one with both front wheels jammed facing inwards. Pushing trolley akin to pushing a car with brakes on. Sweat pouring before entering store. Store heating out of order. Good job as body heat rising fast. Discovered that moving trolley was easier in reverse. Discovered that trolley wanted to go to the right. Discovered that when turning a left-hand corner I had to make a 360 degree turn to the right, catching trolley before having to do another 360. Discovered that by lifting and carrying the front of the trolley and pushing it backwards, no 360 turn was neccessary. Nearest and dearest meanwhile is piling groceries etc in trolley which is becoming quite heavy. Discover that a heavy trolley pushed backwards with wheels raised from floor weighs a ton and wants to go where IT wants to go. Discover how quickly people will get out of the way of a maniacal trolley- pusher screaming down aisles out of control. Discover that floor by fish display is WET when traversing it at 20 MPH. Discover how easy it is to remove a chunk of metal from fish display counter with trolley. Discover how painful a jagged bit of sheet metal can be to my kneecap. Discover that nearest and dearest is nowhere to be seen. Discover nearest and dearest hiding by dairy counter as I flash by her trying to avoid staff and customers who were trying to grab me before I did any more damage. Discover how dangerous wet shoes are in my predicament. Discover very large security guard blocking my progress. Brave man pushes front of trolley into wall. Discover how painful it is to smash my face against a steel mesh trolley. Lady at check-out says 'Would you like any help with packing Sir?'.
Night-night, dairy.

Posted by: lindamac 25th Jan 2007, 06:26am

huh.gif Och yer a poor soul Rab thats a cracker furr the diary richt enuff hahahaha sorry am laffin hahahaha laugh.gif well the way yeev telt the story Rab ye see a visualised it & ended up an onlooker at baith you & yer nearest & dearest disowning ye hahahahaha

Dear Diary cin ye help me oot here how come when a man namely My Husband Neil so anyways how is it when they give ye cash to pay a bill such as Neil did with me 20 bucks to pay furr ma 2 duggs tae be washed so then how come when the dogwasher man gets here washes the duggs & their runnin aroon like an advert furr sunsilk herrspray or the luckydog food advert like two happy wee wallyduggs in pedigree chum so bloomin chuncky ye cin carve it!!! Jings wish a could carve up the dugg washer & ma man the way am feelin the noo Huh. So thurr awe cleant & runin aroon & roon happy larrys.

How come when Neil was left tae pay oor Dugg washer the same cash amoont last time .....how is it then that a get lumbert wi the bonus charge of twinty merr bucks cos ma man furrgoat tae pay him last month cos the two o thum wurr bletherrin like a coupla wimmen at the washin line!

So how flamin come avety use anither 20 dollars o ma ain cash tae pay the dugg washer when Neil had the cash furr tae gie um it then hows he no goat it the day? & hows he no here untill jist efter a pay the extra 20 bucks from ma ain money may I add did a say that it was frae ma ain purse swagg,so then how flaming come Neil jist saunters in the gate which is broke a secint time as broke last time the dugg man wis here.

how flaming come when a ask furr ma 20 bucks back how ..... come he`s got nae chinge he cannae brek a fifty & the bloomin duggwasher adds fuel tae ma fire by sayn he`s nae chinge either?suss flamin suss!!!!..............So then how ...... seriously noo how come every time he says al gie ye it later when a brek up the fifty so then how jolly well flamin thumpin come .........................LATER never a mean NEVER COMES!!!!

soo richt noo am oot an extra twinty & he`s up flamin 40 buckaroonies whurrs the ferrness in that how come later never arrives yet when a tel him al get him a cuppa or rub his feet later then suddenly the rotten toad thit he is remembers thurrs a LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That`s what am wantin tae know & how come if the gate was fixed a month ago how come it breks in same place by same dugg washer as always how flamin come you men get away wi so flamin much!!!!!The only wans happy here are the 2 duggs walkin aroon shakin thurr shimmy The dugg washer cos he goat witt neil furgoat tae gie um last time & Neils fine cos wurr no goin oot the nicht so heel furrget Later by the nicht never mind the morra! & well thurrs auld saft touch me payed the mans debt kept the duggs chipper The washerman s purse full & mines is bloomin lighter summitts up sum wherr thats awe a cin say!

Posted by: javamol 27th Jan 2007, 10:58am

Dear Diary,

Am not with child. Am just greedy. Was made to face facts when confronted by son about story involving bar of Galaxy and ingenious swan who stole it. Have looked on internet for self help group but cannot find one dealing exclusively with Galaxy, Hershey kisses and mini rolls so have applied for lottery grant to set up own. Am calling it Gherkins Anon.

Held first meetings in village hall. Was huge test of willpower as village hall is next to village shop and shopkeeper refused to clear shelves of offending items. Hid behind beer display and pounced on four customers. All refused to join as name badges were made from galaxy foil. Tis not my fault each badge needed whole foil. Am going to find secret stash of mini rolls.

Posted by: javamol 28th Jan 2007, 03:07pm

Dear Diary,

Was feeling bit wabbit so had morning of beautification. Threw children and animals out of house and got set with all newly purchased potions, creams and accoutrements. I have shimmer of silk falling down back…I have let the best of me shine through…I am like a new woman…I am free of fine lines and wrinkles…..I am ten years younger….I have skin like newborn baby….I have eyes that sparkle….I have…..just looked in the mirror and they are all *$%$$% LIARS......I want my money back!

Posted by: Geezabrek 29th Jan 2007, 09:07pm

Dear diary. <Chocaholics Anonymous banner says> We know how to prevent sagging - Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. wub.gif
I got my parking fine sorted at long last!! They want the money - saying I ain't got an excuse!! I still reckon they should employ someone who can write + sign a document properly.. but that's mibby asking too much eh? Am left with last option now as I sign (properly) 30 x one pound cheques for them .... (Wish I had £30 of pennies) .... tongue.gif

Posted by: lindamac 30th Jan 2007, 10:46am

laugh.gif Love it Geeza haha lol ,Dear Diary how is it everything goes pearshaped & am the wan stressed & greetin at the end of weekly shopping days. Nae matter witt a dae tae remind masell I forget something major,I buy something a don`t need am starving by the time am hauf way aroon yet cannae eat anything when a get hame? go figure eh efter gawn aroon the different shoaps (price a pay fur bargain hunting) a rue the day ma mammy taught me tae shoap cos a cin never get oota her habitts of triapsin awe oer the place cos well ats a roon trip anyhoo I Curse the day so a flamin dae!

Ma daughter asks me as she points tae the phoaty in the wee shopper brochure that comes in the mail, she says a want this mum gonna (seems tae be a regular blastin word in her vocalbury Gonna get me! aye so anyhoo a looks at phoaty sayin aye hen a wull,thinks am dain braw getting the 18pack of mixed yoghurt at a reduced price so buys 2 lots cos nae doubts like ma juice it will likely grow horns & feet & jump doon the neck o wanna the feevs in this hoose named Mr Nobody!!!!!

Runin aroon a say right tae Neil & tell him you stay here n pay for that n load up the car & al away doon stairs tae woolies tae get that other wee thing for Heathe okydoaky he says al come doon & meet ye ootside it then. Am bloomin roon like a whippet och well a fat oota breath retired whippett haha then Neil shows up & a say is that what oor lassie was askin furr? aye says he wanderin away,nae man tae be found up & doon the flamin aisles awe there ye urr says he am rid in the face champin at the bit hoat hungry wild nakert ready tae snap. when a get hame thurr awe fightin whos cerryin whit whos dain witt when oota the carnage ma lassie yells at me sain ah don`t want the Yoghurt a wantit the chocolate puddins snuffin oot ma wee excitement light cos a got the last 2 in the shoap.

Chocolate puddin a say,ye never said that tae me ye pointit at the picture sain a want that she grabs it sain aye & this is chocolate puddin no yoghurt...............yoghurt a says a flakin whack ye oer the heid wi thum ya ungratefull wee.... it will be your hurt steeda bloomin choccy puden,then wars declared Dad runs for cover son sneeks oot & me n ma lassie are havin hormonal mish mash yellin n screamin doors bangin the works Dad Gets his dinner we girls clang bang dae anythin but talk tae each other.

Noo as if it wasn`t hard enuff losing the man gettin the wrang stuff getting stuck wi bloo.. 2 lots of 18 yoghurts naewan wants a had the crappy checkoot no wance but twice ye know the wan where the woman in front thought she had enuff money but didnt then the nextyin rocks up & she wants tae fumble for her bankcerd as if she couldn`t have flamin done that when she watched the other wummin , she had a flamin cheek leanin back tae talk tae me aboot the wan that hadnt enuff money!!!!jings a coulda jist kilt the perr o thum. Then thurrs the slow hello how ye dain checkoot lassie who wants ye tae know how sore her feet urr when ye feel ferr n square like whackin her & tellin her thats life grow up n get oan wi it yer not ALONE!!!!! so Diary where was ah? och aye hows it always me feels like tripe,gets nae dinner,fought wi ma lassie,am awe shattert & stressed oot,shes away oot hes in watchin tv am done in upset filt wi regret forgot the bloomin Milk & have 36 yoghurts naebody wants ...............................I HATE SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!! EVERY BLINKIN WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! rolleyes.gif

Posted by: lindamac 31st Jan 2007, 08:30am

dry.gif Dear Diary am done wi shoppin for grubb each week noo cos efter awe ma trauma a showert went tae ma bed wi nae supper hatit the world then went tae sleep. felt ok by time I climbed ma weary bones intae bed so hadn`t expectit tae get ravaged oota ma sleep choking hissin spittin & fawn oota the bed in a massive asthma attack the duggs barkin baith o thum clawin at the door ma man flying oer frae his side tae mine tae look at me oan the flerr God only knows why he jumped awe oer me tae go oota the room leevin me lying there strugglin fur air hence how come the 2 duggs come oer the tap o ma back wan lickin ma face the other sniffin ma heid.

Neil returns says a dont know witt am tae dae here witt dyee want me tae dae he yells a cannae talk cos by this time a had chucked up talkin tae God oan the flerr the bedside table on tapp o me as wells the duggs,so off he runs gets a bucket ma 2 puffers & starts the clean up ,nae I love ye dolls or am sad that happent tae ye hen oh naw no frae ma man................He turns tae me sain awe a wish yeed a waitit tae anither 45 minutes cos then ma alarm widdve gone aff a widd be awake & coulda dealt wi awe this better...............Bloomin cheek o him eh! cin ye imagine witt it wouldve been like as fors a cin see adve jist had a cloak dringin intae the massacre aswell al flamin wish ad waitit 45mins a couldve beltit um but had nae energy Hows that for sympathy Diary NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! rolleyes.gif

Posted by: keelie gal 31st Jan 2007, 09:08am

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: georgia 31st Jan 2007, 11:40am

Whit a nightmair oor Lindyloo hud!! Ah hope she's better noo? Wiznae her fault that she wiz sick at the wrang time...is there a right time? huh.gif Mibee she could set the alarm fur when she's gonnie be sick in future then Neil wullnae complain laugh.gif Ur mibee she could just gie Neil a big clout oan the lug!! Won'er if she's thooght that hur asthma might be brooght oan by hur dugs, ah know it's an awfu' thooght, ah wiz gutted when ah developed an allergy tae dugs, ah cannae even go near a dug ur intae anybudy's hoose that huz a dug, (even if they pit the dug oot the room) 'cause ah get a bad asthma attack. Huz Neil recovered fae huvin' his beauty sleep disturbed ah won'er?

Ma man's finishin' early the day an' takin me intae toon, ah cannae wait tae get oot fae these 4 walls. Ah'm gonnie hire a wee power scooter again an' scoot roon' the shoaps, great fun watchin' folk jump oot the wey when ah go at top speed......Look oot here comes Supergran!!Wonder if ah'll manage tae reorganise M&S ur mibee ah'll try BHS the day!!!

Posted by: Catherine 31st Jan 2007, 03:02pm

Ah cannae move fur laughin at some of these posts here laugh.gif

Mine's tame in comparison...
Dear Diary,
Went up therr tae make the beds, decided tae check on Max's drawers as ah remembert he'd came doon last night to tell us he'd 'folded' them. [this is whit he calls fixin anythin...he folds his bed in the mornin....get the drift?}

Anyway, wee sowel had split up aw his socks, rolled EACH one up the way ye roll two the gither, aw shoved up in the wan corner, wae his wee knicknackpaddywacks in the middle, the other side completely empty. {in other words he yased hauf a drawer.}

Middle drawer no too shabby, good job there, though ahm ignorin the sweetie papers that mysteriously seem tae have goat therr when he swore he hudnae eaten them.

Boatum drawer.....aw his claes he's worn the last three days aw FOLDED neatly....an trust me Max kin chinje three times a day nae probs...an which now explains why ahm runnin oot his claes an couldnae understaun wherr the hell they werr laugh.gif

Oh ye could jist pit them oan a plate an eat them up sometimes sure ye could, wee darlin.

Posted by: lindamac 1st Feb 2007, 12:50am

laugh.gif laugh.gif Catherine am kilin masell here ave a son &thurr lovely wee yins eh, sounds like a nice wee boy thing tae me,mind ye am sure your son didn`t hide hauf eaten lunches unner ees bed Oh here Diary am wunnerin if thats how come he gies me gyp Nooadays hes 21 next week hahaha .I loved yer wee diary logu hen.

NawNaw oor Georgia a got Asthma from having had double phneumonia on 2 seperate occasions & it left ma lungs permanantly scarred hen. Took awe this stuff cos a have zero immune system due tae the malaria thing that happened,nae much white cells hen.Here Noo does this mean yer no gonna come tae ma hoose tae see me? Oh Ma Gawd Dear Diary am dumped cos o ma duggs hahaha

jist kiddin hen gues yeel need tae go to a hotel hen & we will visit you then haha,here I was gonna let ye stay wi me Georgia hahaMind you when ye come see me Georgia al book intae a hotel & mibees get ye a room there tae its the perfect place we`ve been gawn fur5yrs runnin noo am gone there fur ma burfdy tae in April.So nae worries hen weel soart ye oot hen.

Oh aye dinny worry aboot Neil cos well he said awe that efter hed cleant the mess chucked oot the duggs & helped me so of course he helped me haha he`s no a bad ladd in fact he`s a doll n am lucky tae huv um jist he`s so untimely wi some o the stuff he says & hes no the type tae be lovy dovy tells me every night & every mornin afore he goes tae work a jist wantit telt straight away alang wi sympathy but typycal male dealt wi awe the problemed bits n left me tae wait untill he was aff tae work afore sain the 3 words a wantit hahaha

Posted by: javamol 1st Feb 2007, 09:10am

Dear Diary,

Ah’m pugglt. Noawinkasleep….well, mibbee a wink…well, mibbee a few winks….well awright, a wee while, but jist cos ma eyes are shut an ah’m no answerin disny mean ah’m restit….

Nummer two son hus decided tae ‘take a year oot’ afore university….he wants tae travel the world….he wants tae go tae Japan….this is a laddie that dis the teenage mumble and hus trouble bein understood in England never mind Japan. He’s tae be remindit tae brush his hair in the morning…. but he wants tae travel the world.

Noo ah’ve no exactly travelled the world masel….but ah know it’s no as easy as he seems tae think it is….wisny so long ago he wis fightin evil wi’ the mutant turtles, an ah’m pretty sure he’s sortin them oot tae put in his rucksack….he’s come a long wey since thinking the chairman o’ Newcastle United wis the man that fixes the seats, but still ah’m no sure he’s worldy wise enuff tae be let loose ….he loses his busfare oan a regular basis….he faws asleep oan the bus hame an ends up twinty mile further up the road….whit’ll he dae when he canny jist phone his mammy tae come get him? Ah wunner if it’s jist cos he’s ma baby ah don’t want him tae go…ah wunner if it’ll be the makin o’ him…..ah wunner how much an emergency flight tae Japan is….

Posted by: georgia 1st Feb 2007, 10:31am

Dear Diary,

Ah hear thit Java's wee boy wants tae go travellin' an' she's worried sick. Ah huv tae tell hur that it's somethin' that happens tae a' us mammy's. Ah think it's us mammy's that don't realise jist how grown up oor weans really ur, We imagine that they wullnae be able tae cope..... but efter experiencin' this wi' ma wean's a few years ago, (ah made all sort o' excuses an' wid hae done anythin' tae stop thim fae gaun), ah realised jist how grown up they wur. They came back fae their travels much mair mature fur their experiences. Ah used tae take ma youngest tae school and college in the car, it wiz purely ma fault that she didnae know her way aroon' ur whit bus tae get when she phoned me up tae come an' get her 'cause she wiz loast...how wiz she gonnie find her wey roon' Thailand an' Indonesia????? But she did an' also spent time in Australia and New Zealand. It's awfu' hard but us mammy's huv goet to learn tae let go of the apron strings 'cause we don't want oor we'ans saying' later in life that we stopped thim. If ye want me tae be honest ah'm gled that mine ur past that stage an' a' settled doon and merried because it is a worrying time but then intit great that they ur gettin' the chance tae see the world?...something we could only dream aboot!

Ah hear that Lindyloo is much better noo, thank goodness! An 'her man is a gem!......so's mine ah'd be loast withoot him at the moment, he's runnin' efter me somethin' rotten!!! He wiz really runnin' efter me yesterday as ah scooted roon' the toon in ma wee power scooter, poor sowell hud trouble keepin' up wi' me. Ah hud so much shoappin', ye couldnae see me fur boxes and carrier bags sittin' oan ma scooter....when we goet back tae the car, ma purchases filled the boot! Mind ye ah'm a bit worried that he's daein' too much, he's lookin awfu' tired but he never complains! When ma leg's mended ah'll huv think o' somethin' tae make it a' up to him! rolleyes.gif

Awe bless wee Max Catherine, foldin' a' his durty claes, how could ye possibly be angry wi' the wee darlin'....just show him how tae work the washing machine an' the iron, then he'll dae it properly next time laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 1st Feb 2007, 10:58am

laugh.gif laugh.gif Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha lollollollollollol, Och noo Java jist make sure he cin hae an emergency drap aff an aeroplane intae ma back yard n al help um till ye get here hen. aye Georgia ye cin bring yer man here furra swim in the sea hen wull dae that hotel a telt ye aboot hahahahalollol

Posted by: javamol 2nd Feb 2007, 02:07pm

Dear Diary,

Tossdanturnt aw night again….nummer two son hus decided he wants tae spend his gap year in Japan…..ah knew they ninja turtles wur a big mistake, damn you purple donatello……aye, an you annaw Splinter....

Ah’ve tellt him he’ll no suit a kimono anna ponytail but his ears are jist paintit oan at the minit..

Ah'm worried he husny thoat through the practicalities, ye know… … like how he disny like rice and boaks at the thoata raw fish…. …an the only foldin paper he knows aboot is the kind that comes oot ma purse so a life oan the road dain’ the origami’s oot…

He says he wants tae be ‘alone wi’ his thoughts’….an ah sympathise, cos ma thoughts are never alone, thur ay interuptit wi sumdy sayin ‘it’s a well known fact its mair hygienic tae leave them tae drip’ or ‘ah know ah left it there..’

Ah’ll gie him a wee taster by booking him intae the Sammy Ling Temple….thirty quid a night fur a beansprout anna mattress oan the flair….disny even include the orange dress….still, cheaper than a flight tae Japan an it is a lovely place…

Posted by: lindamac 3rd Feb 2007, 01:58am

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 3rd Feb 2007, 08:44am

Dear Diary,

It’s new phone time….ah don’t know if ah kin face another battle…ah’m still getting ower ma cauld so they have me at a disadvantage….they’ll wear me doon….ah think they have a big eye in the sky that warns them when ah’m no in ma usual mind an they pounce…whit kinda phone wid ah like?…

Do you need MP3?....depens, whit wis mp wan and two?
Do you need GPS MMS GSM PDA?....depens, dis James Bond huv aw that?
Do you need TV and video output?....depens, ah’m a gonny get stung furra licence fee?
Do you need expandable memory?...depens, dis it involve surgery?
How about web capability?....depens, how often wull a spider be yasin ma phone?
You can have all this for only £499 pounds, but if you sign up for 23 years, it’s free….shall I put the forms in the post?....depens, are ye fond o’ yer kidneys?

Ah jist want an ordinary phone….ah don’t need onythin fancy, although the ability tae screen calls frae weans askin fur money or a lift wid be nice….ah wunner if sumdy’s workin oan that wan….could be ma next money spinner……

Posted by: lindamac 3rd Feb 2007, 08:59am

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 3rd Feb 2007, 09:32am

Oh Java ye've geid me a sore heid this mornin', how kin we no jist speak properly, ye no jist like me. laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 3rd Feb 2007, 10:38am

It's a minefield Melody, intit...ah'm feart tae write ma name anywhere these days incase ah've signt up fur the foreign legion or Sydney Devine's fan club.... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 3rd Feb 2007, 05:29pm

Ther ye've gave another sore heid Java ah'm tryin' tae figure oot whit wid be worse Sydney Devine, Foreign Legion, Sydney Devine, Foreign Legion, ah still don't know, Sydney Devine Foreign Legion .....

Posted by: javamol 3rd Feb 2007, 05:38pm

Well there's nae chance o' the foreign legion joinin Sydney Devine's fan club....question is, wid they let Sydney Devine join the foreign legion???????????? laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 3rd Feb 2007, 05:47pm

Dear Foreign Legion,

Is there any chance ...at all?

Yours sincerely,

Posted by: javamol 3rd Feb 2007, 06:00pm

Dear Sincerely,

Unfortunately the Legion is unable to accomodate anyone who knows all the words to Two Little Orphans.

Posted by: Melody 3rd Feb 2007, 06:10pm

Dear Foreign Legion,

Whilst I thank you most sincerely for your prompt attention, oh damn it!!!

Sincerely,

Posted by: georgia 3rd Feb 2007, 08:39pm

Dear Diary,

Ah'm really depressed now, if the Foreign Legion wullnae huv Sidney Devine, who will? unsure.gif They wur oor last hope! sad.gif

Posted by: lindamac 4th Feb 2007, 03:18am

biggrin.gif Crickey a thought Steak n Kidney devine was deid............Dear diary ave a complaint tae make.....................Why Is That Dreadfull Mans Songs creeping Back Intae Ma Heid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sno Ferr between wanderin his Hills wi maggie & 2 flamin orphans n 18 yellow Roses Came Today, Gonna No dae That any merr Heid or am sendin 18 yellar roses tae Him cos it will be his ersengraces a stick the flamin Thorny bitz intae when a use um furr a vase if he disney stoap floatin aroon ma heid!! hahaha laugh.gif ..................Thats better the mental picture n sounds filt me in wi some cheery lafter furr ma heid insteed PHEW!!!!!!!!!!! Thank Goodness I visualize hahaha

Posted by: javamol 5th Feb 2007, 09:51am

Dear Diary,

Ah’ve had a phone call frae the jungle. Ma man’s alive and well….mibees no so much well, but alive at least….he’s been learnin how tae blow poison darts….should come in handy the next time wur at Asda wi the wee wimmen catchin up oan the last therty years…

He’s still goat two weeks tae go oot ther, so ah’ve anither two weeks tae throw oot aw his treasures….ah yase the term loosely, cos thur only treasures tae him….a perra flares that he wore tae disco dancin a wheena years ago, stuff like that, ye know….he’s no pit much weight oan so he kin still get intae them but the budgies deid if ye catch ma drift … ah’ve tae pick ma weans up oaf the flair when he brings them oot…..

Auld books an fishin magazines tae…the man kin hoard fur England….but the thing ah’m most lookin forward tae wavin’ babaye tae is the desk. He made it hisel efter watchin New Yankee Workshop. Ah tellt him oors is mair aul skanky workshop…but he widny listen... An ah know it sounds harsh tae get rid o’ it…the workmanship….the quality….the blood, sweat and tears …ah know aw that….but he’s no learnt that bigger isny always better. It’s jinormous….ah’ve hud the Diddymen at the door wi thur furniture wantin tae move intae it…the only reason it husny awreddy been pit oot is cos ah canny lift it an he widny help, but a fiver in the right poaket should sort it… Ah’ll gie it tae the farmer an’ see who takes up residence furst, ma money’s oan the Krankies…..ah wunner whit excuse ah kin come up wi in a fortnight…

Posted by: lindamac 7th Feb 2007, 02:37am

biggrin.gif ye cin tell um a heap of Termites ate it Java laugh.gif hahahahaha

Posted by: lindamac 8th Feb 2007, 02:13am

rolleyes.gif Dyees ever get wan o them days noo did ye ever get wanna them days well a did & a didney like it Dear Diary,where awe 4 of us is in & thurs 5 channells oan tv & we awe want tae watch a different show? does wans nutter in diz it no?

Fell oot wi awewan yesterday, coz o it,we hae a huge screen tv & I love Documentaries/informative tv including news & current affairs,so wanted to watch Antiques roadshow at 4.30 pm yesterday efterninn oan the big TV,(so ye know)I bought this huge tv for my husbands birthday last year,we have a wee tv in our bedroom up on the wall,my lass & son have their own room tvs so dyee think it was easy that awe oor programmes wurr oan at same time? och naw no in this mad nutter hoose oh naw we awe want tae watch the humoungus telly daint we,meanwhile back at the ranch while me n the weans are arguing oor points Neils sneaks aff tae watch oan his bloomin big screen tv sumthing he taperecorded the night afore so shut us awe doon hahaha good oan um he says ma telly ma pressie ma programme hahaha.

End results me tae bedroom in a huff watched ma show but oh how loverly was the aircon hahaha then a goes an faws asleep afore the end of it hahaha, the kids went tae thurr ain rooms awe refused dinner & we awe stayed in our respective rooms.

Neil came tae bed last night efter 8 n said man that was the best time ave had in this hoose in a long while he`d drank 4 beers watched eez stuff uninterupted,showered withoot anywan runnin the watter cold or hot cos thurr usin tap in the kitchen hahaha then came tae bed awe restit up & promptly said goodnight & slept like a snorin Bull hahaha then back at the ranch a goes furra shower n canny sleep but canny get online cos ma sons oan it then fell back tae sleep when son got affline so missed oot haha ma lassies asleep wi awe her claes oan untill this mornin haha

Ah was livin in a nuthoose yesterday whurr naewan was hungry awe wurr huffy cept Neil haha the only person that had a great time was Neil haha summitt wrang there eh,aye dyees ever get wanna them days ? Aye A did yesterday haha weird eh mibees the heat was gettin tae us awe haha laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 9th Feb 2007, 06:09am

Dear Diary,

Ah've missed a coupla pages, diary, cos ah've been a bit bloo....ma wee mammy took herself and her knittin and went intae the hospital fur tests. She passed the spellin and sums but didny do too well at the histry, so they kept her in furra few days. Ah wis a bit bothered that she'd run oota wool, whit wi her knitting watch cosies fur aw the nurses, but ah needny huv worried, she ay seems tae find a ball frae somewhere.....onyway, she's back hame noo, havin arranged a few dinner dates wi some hansom doctors in the next few weeks.

So diary, normal service wull be resumed shortly.....is that groans ah hear diary?....surely no...... laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 9th Feb 2007, 06:22am

Dear Diary am hoping Javas still green or a wullney recognise her ?wittve shes ..............AQUA!!!!! ...................oh Naw.................am jist wunnerin witt colour her mamys gonna be since she went aff colour?,dinner dates oughtae keep her in the Pink furra time untill white christmas or yellow easter haha & oor Java oota the Blue got the Blues crivvens & crikey Diary How cin the dear green wan whom am hopin isney turnt Aqua...........How come she didney tell us so wee could add some other colour intae the mix tae cheer ur up like Yellow or merr green or..........here noo yeel get a Red bitt if ye keep hings tae yersell like that again oor Java! that wiz naughty black mark oan ye there!!..........Diary Tell that Java rest assured shes goat colourfull pals wantin tae be aside her when her mammys poorly n aff colour wull ye ?Thanks Diary noo nae doobts yer gonna shake n tremble n go red at awe wurr goins oan in here but thank Goodness yer purple & it wull awe match in haha Am jist wishin tae add a cheery wee bitty colour intae yer wurld oor Java stay Green the lean Diary Machine haha laugh.gif cripes noo am talkin Broon rolleyes.gif Och makes oor days merr coulourfull dint it?

Posted by: javamol 9th Feb 2007, 01:43pm

Ah’ve had a nature lesson the day. Well, ah say a lesson, mair a reality check really. Ah wis takin ma dogs furra walk. It’s a lovely frosty day, everythin sprayed white, birds singing, and so on…..it felt like that bit in Snow White, ye know, where she’s walking along an aw the animals and birds are foalyin her…lovely. Onyway, ah’m walkin along an all of a sudden, whooooosh……feathers everywhere. A hen harrier picks aff a wood pigeon. Noo far be it frae me tae tell the big man whit tae name his animals, but sumdy wants tae teach that hen harrier whit a hen looks like. Ah wis willin tae consider that the wood pigeon wis mibees a cross dresser, an wis in fact, a hen in disguise. But ah don’t think so, cos aw it’s wee wood pigeon pals wur greetin.

Onyway, such is life, ah walks oan, keeping an eye oot for ma mortal enemy, rabbitus tuffiicus….Now, ah don’t let ma dogs chase rabbits…but it’s kinda difficult keeping them oan track when the rabbits sit up oan thur back legs wi thur wee front paws giving it ‘come an have a go if ye think yer hard enuff…’….ah’m tempted tae jist let ma muppets go, ye know….

A wee bit further oan an ah find the hauf eaten remains of an eel. Ah know exactly whit’s responsible fur this. The nutter. So named by ma son who saw wan oan a walk wi his (Inglish) daddy and wis tellt it wis an otter. Tae his wee Scots ears, it wis a nutter, so the name stuck. Noo ah know they’re protected. Awwwww, thur big eyes, int they cute, int they lovely….blah di blah …well, naw, thur no….they kill things fur the sake o’ killin them….they take a bite and leave the thing tae die a painful death…..

So ah’d hud enough…ah walked back hame, respectfully removing ma hat as a passed the funeral procession fur the wee wood pigeon…ah wunner how much it costs furra flat in the city……

Posted by: Lennox 9th Feb 2007, 01:52pm

oh the joys of living in the country.. wub.gif

Posted by: Catherine 9th Feb 2007, 05:36pm

laugh.gif

Well Dear Diary......Picture this Java insteada the wee dead animals pet.
This City Chick jist goat a package in the post, opens it up knowin it wis comin an aw excited.
Ma pal couldnae wait tae gie it when we see her, cos she knew ahd love it.

Opens it up, an therrs a perra BEAUTIFUL shiny patent leather boots CANARY YELLA!!......Melody.....ah wis in Heaven!
Zippydood wan oan, perfect fit, ahm slavverin at the mooth grabbin the ither wan oot the boax........an here is it no anither left foot!!
Ahm jist waitin oan ma pal tae phone me back cos guess whit......She boat them weeks ago......cos the shoap wis closin doon ...an she thinks it's gone ! laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 9th Feb 2007, 06:02pm

Aw Naw ohmy.gif ohmy.gif

Posted by: Catherine 9th Feb 2007, 06:15pm

GOAT THEM!! laugh.gif
Phew........close wan therr Melody, Donna jist phoned therr an the shoaps been waitin oan her tae come back , they've a perra two right fitts laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 9th Feb 2007, 06:56pm

Phew close right wan enough Catherine. Tell the shoap that Donna might be a wee while gettin' there, it'll no be easy fur her wi they boots oan. laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 9th Feb 2007, 07:43pm

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 11th Feb 2007, 01:40pm

Dear Diary,

Ah’ve done absalootly nuthin the day….well, in fact, naw, ah’m takin that back, cos technically ah’ve been excercisin' ma mind….and ma elbow…..and occasionally ma page turning finger….

Ah’ve jist laid oan the couch reading, drinkin tea and ponderin…..that ponderin’s a killer…ah’ve been ponderin the deep stuff , ye know, ah’m ah awake or is this whole thing a dream an ah’m jist dreamin ah’m awake…an shoulda hiv ma goonie oan...an if it’s a dream an ah think ah’m awake, how will ah know when ah’m really awake….but ah’ve been ponderin the stupit stuff tae….like how come when ah’m wearin ma scruff stuff, ah kin eat withoot needin a bib, but pit a nice white blouse oan me an ah need wanny they plastic wans wi the wee tray at the boatum…..an whit part o’ the brain controls the hauns that put beans intae the toaster an breid intae the pot….an who came up wi the word thingmyjig….but maist o’ ma time wis taken up ponderin how ah’d spent so much time ponderin when a shoulda been burnin the dinner…..ah wunner whit other people ponder…..

Posted by: Melody 11th Feb 2007, 01:53pm

Ah think it's kinda the same stuff Java, ye know, where am a goin', what have ah done, will ah never be a ballet dancer noo? See when ma times comes tae go that is, will somebody say whit a mess ye made o yer life, ye could have been doing great things and whit did ye dae ye blethered away a lot o rubbish. Ye could have been a good cook if ye'd had mer respect for weights and measures. Ye could have been a good artist if ye'd applied yersel mer. Ye could try tae be a better person, alright ah'll try next week. Ach go and get yer claes oan Java it's nearly the morra.

Posted by: javamol 11th Feb 2007, 01:57pm

Ah canny help but notice that the wee advert atween these posts is fur Gumtree, Melody....ye think thur tryin tae tell me ah'm up wan?... laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 11th Feb 2007, 02:00pm

laugh.gif Subliminal messages are all around us Java. laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 11th Feb 2007, 02:09pm

That's somethinG I'VE noticed MElody...seeMs so ONEYway... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 11th Feb 2007, 02:13pm

Brilliant Java, laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 11th Feb 2007, 06:25pm

rolleyes.gif a ponder oan many a thing but regular wans urr " wunner if anywan wull come tae ma funeral?,If they dae wull they greet furr me oftentimes I wunner if a should pay ma funeral up front cos well am wantin cremated & am stuffed if am wantin ma faimly tae spend big bucks oan a coffin,so onyhoo am thinkin the cerdboard coffin lookalike wull be sufficient cos it saves a bit of a tree dint it,wunner if wan cin just get slung intae the fire wrapped up in a sheet hahaha rolleyes.gif

Other times a wunner what I would have turnt oot like & worked as had a had a better chance in life & actualy done ma homework n passed ma exams? wunner witt a wid feel like if I were thin hahaha then a laff & know the impossable canny be felt hahaha then a stoap ponderin haha

Posted by: javamol 13th Feb 2007, 11:14am

Dear Diary,

Ah jist read a shout frae Anne1 an it reminded me o’ something that still makes me laugh…

Ma mammy wis in hospital early last year an although they widny admit it, the staff let her become dehydrated tae the point where her mind wis wanderin. Noo don’t get me wrong, it wis a serious situation, an we wur really worried, but sometimes in they kinda situations, ye have tae find something tae smile aboot. Onyway, she’s there lyin in the bed, no physically able tae get oot the bed, but still tryin tae, ye know. Then she says ‘whits that wee dug dain here’….so we’re getting really worried cos she’s insistin there’s a wee dug under her bed. Eventually, we tell her the doctor put the dug there tae stop her frae getting oot the bed.
“Whit kinda dug is it?” says ah....

”It’s a wee crossmyloof” she says…

It’s funny whit the subconscious brings intae yer heid intit… laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 13th Feb 2007, 11:27am

biggrin.gif That is so sweet Java Iam glad you find the humourous parts amidst hard times hen yer mammy sounded like shes a wee cutey,My wee mammy spent ages washing us tae get oan time furr the 37 bus tae castlmilk tae see ma granda she wiz worrying aboot times etc & a wis leant oer the sink in the kitchen as shes scrubbin intae ma neck with a nailbrush n sunlight soap yellin furr goodness sakes lassie witt ye been dain yer bogan!!!! Dad starts tae dae a mutley laff & struggelt tae tell her he said "Maggie doll thats no dirt oan the wean its a tan hahahaha cos yeev aye got urr herr up in the sun haha soooooooooo ma wee rid neck hurtit furra while efter n we made the bus oan time tae see Granda Bill haha phew she coulda hudd ma skin aff eh? Only a mammy coulda done that eh? laugh.gif

Posted by: georgia 13th Feb 2007, 11:28am

I just had a peak at Java's diary.....Awe bless her wee mammy smile.gif
My husband was on morphine when he had his accident, it gave him a great imagination, he was talking to folk on the ward that weren't there! When the registrar told us just before he went down to the theatre that they might have to amputate his leg, my stomach turned somersaults but my husband just lay there totally unperturbed, saying 'well if that's what ye've got to do then so be it! Luckily the wonderful skill of the surgeon managed to save his leg! We can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny at the time. Just as well he's still got 2 legs because wi' ma broken leg at the moment, between us wi' widnae huv a leg tae staun oan! laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 13th Feb 2007, 01:32pm

Dear Diary,
Ah was going to tell you something but ah forget whit it was. Ah know it was about how we get older and wiser. laugh.gif Except we forget. laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 13th Feb 2007, 01:39pm

laugh.gif laugh.gif Sometimes ah wunner how ah've survived this long...

Posted by: Melody 13th Feb 2007, 01:43pm

It's amazin' Java jist before ah make an appointment tae hide the grey hair ah think tae masel how wonderful it is tae huv it. laugh.gif But then again ah don't want it. laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 13th Feb 2007, 02:02pm

Oh aye....furget yer yuppies, puppies an dinkies....we're the greys...

Gained Riches Every Year

noo where did ah pit ma Just Fur Men....(ah buy that so they dont think its fur me, ye know... laugh.gif ...they dont know ma man's baldie...)

Posted by: Melody 13th Feb 2007, 02:17pm

laugh.gif Good thinkin' Java.

Posted by: lindamac 13th Feb 2007, 05:23pm

laugh.gif laugh.gif mads a cut snake you pair haha incidently Iam getting my greys covert on Thursday haha

Posted by: Melody 14th Feb 2007, 08:07am

Dear Diary, as long as ah live ah'll never understand men. I love the bones of my husband always have done, but boy ah jist wish he would join me in ma world sometimes. unsure.gif Is it jist me or does anybody else know whit ah'm talkin'aboot? Yer joggin' along perfectly happy and then they say or do somethin' and ye think, wonder whit it's like in his head, then again ye think ah'm no sure if ah want tae see there really. huh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 14th Feb 2007, 08:59am

Dear diary, am the same as melody never understand what makes men tick, love mark but he lives in his own mark world laugh.gif

Like last week we were shopping and he turned around kissed me and said " angela chick i love you so much" in the middle of the shop i might add biggrin.gif i thought wow what brought that on. ha ha but it was a lovely gesture even so.

Posted by: Melody 14th Feb 2007, 09:05am

wub.gif

Posted by: javamol 14th Feb 2007, 09:06am

Aw, ah want tae flit tae Mark world.... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 14th Feb 2007, 09:07am

laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 14th Feb 2007, 09:21am

QUOTE (javamol @ 14th Feb 2007, 09:23 AM)
Aw, ah want tae flit tae Mark world.... laugh.gif

laugh.gif am doubled up laughing here at you two

Posted by: javamol 14th Feb 2007, 09:26am

You kin laugh...ah'm lookin tae see whit bus goes there.. laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 14th Feb 2007, 09:28am

laugh.gif Java the 46 will take ye right tae him

A must warn ye a day in the mark world you will be all sane laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 14th Feb 2007, 09:33am

Dammit...ah jist missed the 46.....where wid a 42 take me? laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 14th Feb 2007, 10:05am

Ermmm java 42 might take ye tae hollywood laugh.gif welcome to hollywood where we all have a dream(from pretty woman) laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 14th Feb 2007, 06:06pm

rolleyes.gif Regarding Men we might as well be on a mystery tour bus that stops noo & then fur petrol,detours breks doon & gets the odd puncture or hunners haha laugh.gif well thurr worse than an upsidedoon roadmap int they?

Posted by: Melody 14th Feb 2007, 06:08pm

How true Linda, dae ye think it's aw men that's like that? Jist in case ah missed oot oan somethin' ye know. laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 14th Feb 2007, 06:16pm

biggrin.gif aye a dae thurr jist no gettin it ,even if ye tell thum draw a map tae ye they still get sidetracked or caught up wi sumitt or another haha thurr no emotional beings thurr jist being there thumsells never truly seeking who they urr never mind who we wimmen urr poor souls we awe need tae help thum that`s mibees witt the Maker meant when he made us,dyee hink? laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 14th Feb 2007, 06:19pm

Oh Linda then the Maker gave us wan awfy hard job. laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 14th Feb 2007, 06:23pm

rolleyes.gif Tell me aboot it a know fine they cannae live withoot us or furr that matter wi us n yet they need tae see us sittin oan wurr chair just being theres enuff furr thum,it`s just too simple & we wimmen love a cunundrum puzzle or hard task daint we? laugh.gif Lets us feel wurr dain it right dint it? or um a a doughheid?

Posted by: Melody 14th Feb 2007, 06:28pm

Yer a wise wumman Linda, ah could make a cardboard cut out o masel and as long as it was visible that wid dae him fine as long he thought it was me laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 14th Feb 2007, 06:30pm

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: javamol 14th Feb 2007, 08:42pm

Dear Diary,

Ah've hud a lovely day oan here the day. Cheers lassies....biggrin.gif

Posted by: Melody 14th Feb 2007, 08:47pm

Thanks for the fun pals. smile.gif Me too Java.

Posted by: lindamac 15th Feb 2007, 10:10am

rolleyes.gif Dear Diary how is it when a go tae the herrdressers etc a get a phonecall frae the husband asking me witt he wants furr his dinner?????? Am urney there ye hink they`d get it if am oot then am no dain dinner furr thum but noo am getting asked witt he wants even when am oot laugh.gif thats me saw the worst o it noo crivvens he`s a dear man I love um but how the heck am a tae know witt he wants tae eat if am no him?/???? should be a law against that yin eh och well he managed anyhoo & even made me dinner tae so he get 20 brownie points furr getting there oan ees ain,crikey witt ever next?

Posted by: lindamac 18th Feb 2007, 05:44am

rolleyes.gif Dear Diary ave missed ye due tae having missed GG these past few days seeing as I rely oan ye tae remind masell of witt ave been dain ave nae clue as to what where when & how ave been & it`s awe GGs fault hahahaha laugh.gif I shall expect ye tae get back tae me when ye know witt am thinking aboot & where ave been hahahaha

Posted by: javamol 18th Feb 2007, 07:24am

Dear Diary,

Ah lost ye furra wee while there, so wance the palpitations settled doon ah thoat, enough's enough, time tae get a life ootside the diary again. Ah need a hobby...Joggin, ah thoat....that's the answer. Ah'm wan o' these wans that needs tae get intae the zone tae do somethin, ye know, whole hog. Ah've the legwarmers an sweatbands frae three years ago when ah bought the stuff but couldny find the zone. As luck would hiv it, thur twinty percent lycra, so they still fit.

So ah gets in the zone, ah've ma legwarmers an sweatbands oan, hair tied back that tight ah've gied masel a facelift, an ah'm good tae go. Ah dont know who's idea it wis tae put a full length mirror by the door, but it wis a big mistake. Usually ah've spent that long gettin organised that by the time ah'm goin oot the door, ah'm no carin whit ah look like. Ah'm jist gled tae huv four strandsa hair sittin the wey ah want them, only wan eye bloodshot an that ah've remebert tae pit ma troosers oan.

Onywey, long laces and screamin play a big part in the next few minits....Huv ye ever watched yersel fa'? It's quite surreal tae see that wee light come oan when yer brain's jist registered whits aboot tae happen.....even wi ma facelift, it wisny a pretty sight....so ah spent the next four hours practisin elegant fa' faces in the mirror, jist incase it happens ootside, ye know...ah think ah've wan doon pat, so ah'm away tae find sumdy hansom tae trip ower....

Posted by: lindamac 18th Feb 2007, 07:30am

laugh.gif laugh.gif jings diary a hope she disney faw oer anither funeral that widd be sad wint it? better go afore she gets back an faws oer me haha

Posted by: Java 20th Feb 2007, 07:29am

Mornin Melody...didny see ye there... biggrin.gif

Dear Diary,

There was a spider in the bathroom sink this morning. Now don’t get me wrang….ah don’t particularly like spiders, but they don’t usually induce terror in me either. But this wisny an ordinary spider….this wis a spider oan a mission…..ah could see it in its eyes…..an aye, ah could see its eyes, cos it wis jinormous…..an sittin right aside the hot tap….s’awright, ah thinks, ah’ll use the cauld tap…..then ah’m thinking, ah wunner how fast it kin move….ma brains sayin ther’s no way the spider’s getting frae the hot tap tae the cauld tap an up ma sleeve an intae ma ear afore ah huv the chance tae move, but ah must hiv two brains, cos the ither wans sayin ‘aye, but it might’….at this point, neither o’ the brains are telling me jist tae go intae the kitchen tae wash ma hauns, so they’re no much good as brains, but thur aw av goat, ye know, so ah hifty make the best o’ it….

Onyway….spider an me are eyeballin each other and ah swear ah hear it sayin ‘d’ye feel lucky punk’…..the closest thing tae me is a towel an ah’m thinking ah could jist throw the towel ower it, but there’s something in its eyes telling me it wid jist yase the towel tae dry its feet so it could get a better grip oan me……so we carry oan starin each other oot……an ah admit it…..ah bucklt….ah left an went intae the kitchen…..fur aw ah know the spiders still sittin waitin fur me, cos ah’ve no went back in since……ah wunner whit makes ye completely irrational sometimes…..

Posted by: Angela Chick 20th Feb 2007, 03:00pm

laugh.gif Incy wincy spider climbing up the spout sorry java laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 20th Feb 2007, 05:49pm

Aaaah'm nnnnno ffffffffeart Aaaaangel...aaaaaah'm dddded tttttough mmme... :lol

Posted by: lindamac 20th Feb 2007, 08:00pm

laugh.gif laugh.gif Ocht aye ye urr Fearty haahahaha crivvens yeed die here as spiders areas huge as the span o a big man hawn Java there cawed Huntsman spiders wooooooooooooo BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ooo yeed need tae be like me hen a wiz oan the lavvy at the time a saw ma furst yin so a was in right place if yer known witta mean.............A drapped ma load frae a high hight & sat feart frozen tae seat n Neil hudty come froo the stench tae whack it & then a found oot they eat the mozzies etc & thurr good yins tae huv as they eat redback killer spiders so noo thurr a freends & instant pest control oh aye sorry furr awe the graphics therr too much info eh woopsadaisys hahaha

Posted by: Java 20th Feb 2007, 08:56pm

Ah'm killin masel here cos ma boy's jist come in an tellt me he took the spider an put it ootside cos it looked as if it could do wi a dinner.... laugh.gif ...it'll probly be back next week twice the size...

Posted by: Melody 20th Feb 2007, 09:17pm

Java, it's great tae realise that ah'm no the only wan tae have deep conversations wi spiders. It's the slow slow quick quick slow movements that get ye. Slow is fascinatin' quick is terrifying. wacko.gif
Whit if wan did run intae yer ear ye wid jist kill yersel sure ye wid?

Posted by: Java 20th Feb 2007, 09:21pm

see, thats the thing....ah remember readin that we aw eat so many spiders in wur lifetime....usually while wur sleepin....an ah dont even know if they go fur yer ears, but ah'm no takin ony chances... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 20th Feb 2007, 09:25pm

Oh Java please ah'm jist away tae ma bed as well. huh.gif Thanks for the fun pals another day another dollar.

Posted by: Java 20th Feb 2007, 09:26pm

You too Melody....sleep wi yer mooth tight shut noo.... laugh.gif

Posted by: stuarty 20th Feb 2007, 09:42pm

java a sider in the hoose means mony is a commin to tou lottey ticket for the morra go on hen wait and see laugh.gif

a spider even doh

Posted by: georgia 20th Feb 2007, 10:00pm

Dear Diary,
I peeped at java's diary and read her story about a spider and eating them at night while we're asleep. I've got to say that I have had a terrible shock, apparently there are lots of beetles and insects in the cacao plant that is used for making chocolate, and they get crushed with the cocoa beans.............so I looked at my Cadbury's flake and I thought, 'should I eat it, I know that I'm eating crushed beetles and insects with every bite,' then I thought, 'ah but it tastes nice....should I? shoudn't I? do I? don't?' The urge was too great I'm afraid, I'm a chocoholic and even that widnae put me aff ma chocolate, beetles, insects an' a' laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: stuarty 22nd Feb 2007, 04:20pm

georgia the colouring cochaneal is actually crushed beetles that live on cati or paw paw and that it is red they still use it in some countries a think that is why a dont like pink food or sweets

Posted by: georgia 22nd Feb 2007, 05:00pm

Aye stuarty ah knew that, ah don't eat sweeties or anything like that so is diznae bother me but ah dae like ma chocolate an' it still diznae bother me...ah jist don't think aboot it......it's the same wi' black puddin', when we go home ah'll eat it, ah jist don't think aboot the fact that it is dried pigs blood (it diznae taste the same down south and tends to have big lumps fat in it)..... but don't ask me tae eat prawns, they look like skinned caterpillars, noo that diz pit me aff!!! ohmy.gif

Posted by: Java 23rd Feb 2007, 09:04am

Well, the wanderer has returned. He’s no very tanned fur sumdy that’s been thur hoalidays fur five weeks. Ah thoat he had patchy sunburn at first but its bites. S’rich furra man that moans oan a visit tae Perthshire. Seems if the midgys ur wearin a sombrero the bites don’t annoy ye so much...

Ah’ve no caught a glimpse o’ anything sparkly yet, but it wis late when he goat back, so he’s no finished unpackin yet. Ah’m tempted tae tell him that if thers nothing sparkly, he needny bother unpackin, ye know, but ah’ll haud ma wheesht furra wee while longer, he’s mibees wantin tae surprise me. If its no forthcoming shortly, there’ll be a surprise fur wan o’ us.

He’s been telling me aboot the street kids he met, an honest tae god, it wid make ye greet so it wid. Since he’s no unpacked, an ah didny see air holes poked in the cases, ah’m pretty sure he’s no broat ony back wi him, but ah think he wis switherin. Ah think we really don’t know wur born maist o’ the time.

Ah’ll awayn throw a case oan the bed an tell him ah furgoat he wis ther, see if he takes the hint….

Posted by: lindamac 23rd Feb 2007, 10:10am

laugh.gif laugh.gif Dear Javas Diary Am Gledd yer ither hauf is hame Java hen & wan cin unnerstaun why yeed wallop um wi a case, cos men need awe wurr help we cin gie thum ,even witt they need tae eat furr dinner annawe haha.
3 cheers if thurrs anythin sparkly cos only sparkly a see is the eyes oan Neil when eez drank too much or goat a Migraine haha Happy Man hame coming day oor Java haha go easy try the flight bag furst cos well that yins merr likely tae hae the sparkly in it hen haha.

Posted by: Java 26th Feb 2007, 05:11pm

Dear Diary,

Ah’ve decided ah need hair extensions. No very long wans, jist oan ma fringe tae cover where it says take me for granted oan ma forehead….

Ah’ve hud ma very own awards ceremony the day…Wis last in the shower and wis awarded the pile o’ wet towels … Wis last for the cuppa tea and wis awarded the four dropsa tea in a cuppa milk …wis first in the money dolin’ oot an wis awarded the easy carry empty purse….ah listened intently tae the jungle stories, withoot the benefit o’ anything sparkly aboot ma person ah might add, and wis finally awarded the ‘oh did ah tell ye ah’ve invited a wee Brazilian fella tae stay’ …..

Ah think ah’m justified in awardin a few prizes masel, …

Posted by: Angela Chick 26th Feb 2007, 06:15pm

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 26th Feb 2007, 06:16pm

Never mind Java who wants sparkly things anyway. :lol They are probably in the same place as ma valentine. laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 26th Feb 2007, 06:34pm

See when ah come up wi ma plan.....thur AW gonny wish they'd goat me sparklies....whits that song again....oh when I rule the world.....tra la la la la la.....

Posted by: Melody 26th Feb 2007, 06:35pm

Everyday would be a visit to the jewellers,...... laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 26th Feb 2007, 06:38pm

laugh.gif laugh.gif ...aye...thull be nae mair Cathcartier watches fur me...

Posted by: Melody 26th Feb 2007, 07:45pm

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 27th Feb 2007, 02:18am

laugh.gif AwwwwwwwwEeeeeeeeee poor Java darl, It coulda got worse spose he couldave called via jungle telephone tae ask ye witt eez tae eat furr dinner every night hen hahaha, a man thinks that way dolls, therefore he`d think yer situation tae be worse had he not warnt ye aboot the Brazillian man,Brazillian al gie him a brazillian front tae back n legs annawe if it were mines man so hen the only sparklys soond like yer gonna get wiz if ye set um oan fire hen laugh.gif even then thurrs matters that jist disney burn & nae doubts if it were ma luck & ma man the rain would come & put eez fire oot Men cannae live wi thum nor withoot um!

Posted by: Java 27th Feb 2007, 11:34am

Dear Diary,

Ah dont know whether its ma age or the lack o' sparklies, but ah've been lookin through ma treasures again...the things that take me back tae bein wee....ah've scraps, Janet and John books, and so on, many of them acquired jist in the last few years as ah've remembered things an thoat, ah wunder if ye kin still get a haud o' them.....an here, ye could....ah even managed tae get a set o' the countin rods ah wis yappin aboot elsewhere...ah'm a wan wumman museum..

Some things, tho, are irreplaceable.....like the wee smock top ah hud an thoat ah wis the best dressed wean in the toon.....it wis white wi wee embroidered cherries roon the hem....broke ma heart when it wis eventually turnt intae a duster....ah wunner if ony ma freens hiv a special treasure or somethin that they wid like rescued frae their bygone days....

Posted by: lindamac 28th Feb 2007, 04:21am

biggrin.gif Thems ever so sweet memorys noo yeev startit me,I loved it oan Plastecine days o the things a used tae make anything frae a wee couple or a multi story building or a sailboat oot tae sea och them wurr the days wher oor truth came oot,when the teacher asked me how come the wee man of ma couple set wurr chunky? wherein I casualy replied och cos ma Da`s a fat basket according tae ma mammy so ave made um a fat B....... laugh.gif then thurr was the time wee played wee shoaps wi empty cartons & minnie cereal pkts add skim aff the chinge as a shopper cos thats witt a did wi ma mammys chinge & bought a penny dainty or the wee fruit salad sweeties hahaha or dress up day when yees awe fight oer whos getting the teralyne curtain tae be a bride that day haha och Java Yer jist being a wummin who enjoys being just that a wummin wi a child heart felt love of her good days at school afore Adulthood trappings take us awe upstream too fast pal,thankyou for making me stop furr a minit tae ponder them lovely primary days they wurr rerr even when awethings aroon us wurr going doon we never truly noticed cos we enjoyed being wee.Cheers hen thanks furr the memory there pal.

Posted by: Java 1st Mar 2007, 06:34am

If ye had a time machine that ye could only use once and for one day, would ye go back or forward?

Posted by: Melody 1st Mar 2007, 06:49am

Java this is dependent on what age ye are usually, so as much as a hate tae admit it it's got tae be back. unsure.gif Tae being eighteen and walking wi a swagger that wid dry a waashin again. Oh ah thought ah was that gallus so ah did. laugh.gif

Posted by: stratson 1st Mar 2007, 07:02am

Melody, did you wear the crepe soles, the gallus wans always wore them, that's how they aw had a swagger, kinda bounced, a remember dying for a pair, ma daddy widnae buy me them,

Posted by: stuarty 1st Mar 2007, 10:12am

oh java the day a would go back to is the day my grandchild was born as it was so magical a loved the birth of my boys but the birth of a grandwean is so powerful because we know how to hold them properly and not be afraid and wind them and wash them and be confidant and not afraid to do anything we were learnt with our own babies a love that day well 12 29am 20th of november is my day to go back to wub.gif

Posted by: Java 1st Mar 2007, 10:29am

See, there's the thing intit....ah've quite a few days in ma past that ah would love tae go back to, but ah'm wonderin if ah would prefer tae go intae the future and know whether ah have a grandwean or whitever....ah think it's mair commonly known as impatience.... laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 1st Mar 2007, 11:38am

biggrin.gif Think I would go forward & check oot ma circumstances etc & truly I would hope to like what I see rolleyes.gif I would like to be remaining with Neil & see my Grandkids etc but I would want a nice wee hoose & be wanna them grannys ye cannae help but smile at cos thurr so cute & loving.

Posted by: Java 3rd Mar 2007, 07:15am

Dear Diary,

Ah'm turnin ye intae a problem page furra day...

I have two friends (anno...amazin intit..biggrin.gif)...one very close, the other not quite so, but a friend just the same. Some time ago, the close friend lent £30 to the other who was going through a difficult time with her husband through alcohol. The couple seem to be managing to sort things out, and the wife gave the money to the husband to repay my close friend, so she thinks it was paid back, but it wasnt. My close friend is a single parent who works three jobs to keep her two boys and her life is a daily struggle. She doesn't want to mention it to the other friend incase it causes problems between the couple, but I know she cant afford to lose the money.
I've already offered, but she absolutely wont take it from me.

My question is, should I mention it to the other friend or keep out of it?

Posted by: stratson 3rd Mar 2007, 08:05am

Their ponders a dilemma java, would your close friend appreciate you meddling?
Think I would not get involved, hard sometimes to mind your own business.

 

Posted by: Melody 3rd Mar 2007, 08:56am

Java I would tell the friend that her husband never handed over the money and let her deal with it ( I think). I'm sure she would rather know. ( I think)
Then sometimes it's best to do nothing. Basically ah've no got a clue. Sorry pal. Ah'm hopeless in these situation. That's how ah've nae pals. laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 3rd Mar 2007, 09:32am

wub.gif Step Back Java dolls because yees may all end up hurt hen this is one battle yer wee pal needs tae fight oan her ain steam not with the lady friend but her lady friends Husband,she could say oh I realised your wife assumed you gave me that 30 quid she borrowed from me She alerted me to the fact that you were to pass that cash onto me so just in case its all gotten lost in translations etc I thought I would alert you that you haven`t yet brought that cash to me & being as I need it could you get that to me by end of the week or else I may have to let her know I haven`t yet got the 30 quid off you as yet, maybe ye forgot thats yer ain business but a sorta need every penny a cin earn so pal will ye get it tae me by this friday then yer wife won`t know ye forgot haha make lighthearted joke of it ye know?husbad.Truth is her pals Hubbys not chinged a bit by sounds of it,He may even deny it But the pal should know the nature of the beast inside her man ye know.

I had this happen to me wherein I babysat a friends children 5 days a week so that they could get oan thurr feet & they always had too many serious problems anyhoo Lynn would drop her 2yr old Son off & I would get the older one from school with minesin the afternoon, so anyways to cut this laborious story down a bit hen Lynns Hubby was always oan the drink & drove tae my hoose later by an hour or more nearly every other day but a never charged extra at any time & the straw that broke the camels back was the fact Lynn foolishly trusted her hubby to pay me so after many weeks of being short changed etc then came that final straw thing,he didnt pay me for 2 wks in a row now I was owed 100 dollars for each week. Trust me I was saving them many more hundreds in day care etc alone so after being paid the 3rd week a said to him wheres the last 2 wks payments ? he said al give you it tomorow please dont tell Lynn.

after yet another two weeks going by I got payed for them but he still owed me the 200 bucks. The end result was I said to him this is the last day now I will not be having them back so you have untill sunday night before you have to explain why I won`t be taking the boys on Monday Morning,tell her yourself why& I will expect you to tell her you owe me the 200 bucks. Sadly he did,she came to see me & asked me to forgive him he is ill & she asked me to keep kids untill she found another sitter which I did for another 4wks wherein I was eventualy paid the 200bucks owed to me as well. I never lost her friendship because I stayed loving towards her & did all I could to help her find another sitter etc so regretably her hubby had to pay the price even though he tried to deny to Lynn that he even owed it she knew the nature of the beast within her own husband so chose to believe me & Neil.The only person whom can fix this out is yer single mum pal & yer mutual pals Hubby,naewan else. Best of luck to them awe.sad affair this yin sad.gif

Posted by: Melody 3rd Mar 2007, 08:52pm

Dear Diary, just a thought. Ah think that chocolate can make yer clothes shrink.

Posted by: Java 3rd Mar 2007, 08:56pm

Melody, huv you goat an 'ology' cos ah think yer a genius.... laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 3rd Mar 2007, 09:08pm

Ah've got hunners o' ologies. Dae ye want wan? laugh.gif Anyhow ah think your brilliant as well Java.

Posted by: Lennox 3rd Mar 2007, 09:23pm

I think you both are, things would not be the same with out you.... biggrin.gif

Posted by: Melody 3rd Mar 2007, 09:24pm

Dear Diary, ah really need tae start acting ma age but ah don't know how tae dae it. Ah wid hate tae be wano they mutton dressed as lamb folk but ah'm no ready fur the crimpleen and pearls and wee curly perm yet. Whit dae ye dae?
How to grow old gracefully? See naebudy showed me how.

Posted by: Java 3rd Mar 2007, 09:27pm

Oh ma mammy always tellt me tae grow old disgracefully Melody.....that's whit she's dain'..... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 3rd Mar 2007, 09:31pm

Ach well quite right who cares ah might as well be masel Java. Ah'll away and mist up that mirror fur the mornin'. laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 3rd Mar 2007, 09:33pm

'Ats it....practice yer heavy breathin..... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 4th Mar 2007, 09:08am

Dear Diary, it's temptin' tae go tae the Barras but it's freezin' here. Whit dae ye think?

Posted by: Java 4th Mar 2007, 09:14am

Oh ah think get yer longjohns oan an go....s'worth it jist fur the patter... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 4th Mar 2007, 11:15am

Never went Java, instead ah've cleaned everywhere, well almost, wish ah'd went noo. sad.gif

Posted by: jakka13 5th Mar 2007, 01:25am

I never set foot out the door without my make-up .I remember asking my youngest daughter to tell me if I ended up like some of the old (says she 68) wives with the lippy used as blush and two pink circles on their cheeks .Her response to this was no matter how old I got she would applaud the fact that I still wanted to look good .!!! Lovely lassie I've got .

Posted by: lindamac 5th Mar 2007, 02:06am

laugh.gif wub.gif Thats an endearing loverly wee story Jakka thankyou for sharing it & she is so right in her attitude sure she is?

Posted by: Java 5th Mar 2007, 10:03am

Ye have a lovely lassie indeed there Jakka....clearly take after her mammy...laugh.gif

Ye know, ah kin jist aboot hear the gasps of shock horror frae here, but Ah hardly wear make up attaw, but most definately no jist tae go shoppin and so on....ah'm no a wan tae go oot in ma scruff or anythin, but ah jist dont get the whole makeup thing....ah'm quite shy in a crowd, but otherwise fairly confident in who ah am as a person, if ye know whit ah mean, an ah jist feel if people are gonna judge me by how ah look, its their loss.....

Mind you, when ah think aboot it, it might have somethin tae do wi the fact that ah'm rubbish at puttin it oan....mibees ma daddy wis a clown right anuff.... laugh.gif

Posted by: georgia 5th Mar 2007, 10:23am

QUOTE (jakka13 @ 5th Mar 2007, 01:42 AM) *
I never set foot out the door without my make-up .I remember asking my youngest daughter to tell me if I ended up like some of the old (says she 68) wives with the lippy used as blush and two pink circles on their cheeks .Her response to this was no matter how old I got she would applaud the fact that I still wanted to look good .!!! Lovely lassie I've got .




She is indeed a lovely caring daughter jakka smile.gif I'm the same I don't go over the the door without my lippy. Nothing to do with confidence or what other folk think, I just feel good with my make up on biggrin.gif

Posted by: keelie gal 5th Mar 2007, 10:28am

Iam the same java i dont like to wear make up alot either and when i do i feel like a wee painted dolly and it irritaes me it always looks nice on other folk as you say ye need to know how to apply it tae carry it off eh ,but theres two things i couldnt live without is my tinted moisturiser and mascara biggrin.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 5th Mar 2007, 10:32am

Am the same as georgia a wear make up cos it makes me feel good biggrin.gif hides a multitude of sins laugh.gif especially the Ives Saint Laurent for under your eyes.

Couldnt live without my lipstick or eye liner.

Posted by: georgia 5th Mar 2007, 10:40am

Jakka, I have a theory aboot these poor auld women that go oot wi' their make up smudged o'er their face.....they jist huv tae accept the fact that they need glasses laugh.gif As we get older oor eyesight gets worse. I never wore glasses until my mid 40's. I put my make up on then put on my glasses to check it and sometimes I find I've got wee black smudgy dots above and below my eyes from my mascara that ah widnae huv noticed withoot my glasses. Ah huvnae quite goet tae the bit where ma lippy is up ma nostrils or roon' near ma ears but ah keep checkin laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 5th Mar 2007, 10:44am

The day ah'm sitting playing a piano wae hunners a cats aroon me and smudged make up all over ma face is the day a chuck it laugh.gif nothing against wee cats but thats the scenario i have in my head of a woman losing it laugh.gif

Posted by: georgia 5th Mar 2007, 10:46am

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: georgia 5th Mar 2007, 11:06am

Jist another thought Angela...if yer sittin' at a piano wi' loats o' cats aroon' ye an yer make up smudged a' o'er yer face......ye'll no' know tae chuck it because ye'll huv a'ready loast it! laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 5th Mar 2007, 11:15am

laugh.gif Aye georgia yer right, its just that a was watching something one time a think it was a Life of Grime and there she was 80 odds playing the piano howling away wae aw these cats tae a tune and the men are gutting oot her hoose it was a total pig sty laugh.gif

And her make up was diabolical.

Posted by: georgia 5th Mar 2007, 12:02pm

Angela, Maybe she wiz allergic tae cats an' it wiz thaim that wur makin' her eyes waater an' her make up run! laugh.gif (ah'm diggin' the boattom o' the barrel fur excuses incase it ever happens tae me laugh.gif )

Posted by: Java 5th Mar 2007, 12:02pm

Apologies lassies if ma post came over as suggestin the wearin of make up wis a confidence thing, wisny intended.....ah'm safe frae yer scenario Angel, ah canny play the piana and ah dont like cats.... laugh.gif

Posted by: stuarty 5th Mar 2007, 01:33pm

i dont wear make-up very often am a clown when ave no got it on laugh.gif


 

Posted by: Java 5th Mar 2007, 02:55pm

!!!!!!! Daddy !!!!!!! laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: stuarty 5th Mar 2007, 04:05pm

NAW JAVA HEN a think he might be your daddy lol

 

Posted by: Melody 5th Mar 2007, 06:28pm

laugh.gif Java go an ask yer Daddy for a few make up tips fur us. Jist remember girls we could be perfectly made up and absolutely lovely but we could be as borin' as hell as well. Come tae think of it ah don't really mind borin'. laugh.gif

Posted by: Lennox 5th Mar 2007, 06:30pm

Java, You sure look like yer Daddy hen....
Melody I don't think you are boring .. wink.gif

Posted by: Melody 5th Mar 2007, 06:32pm

laugh.gif Thank goodness for that Lennox.

Posted by: georgia 5th Mar 2007, 06:56pm

Aye Lennox ah wiz jist thinkin' the same.... he couldnae deny bein' java's daddy! laugh.gif

Naw melody, ah'm way Lennox, yer anythin' but borin' hen! smile.gif

Posted by: Melody 6th Mar 2007, 06:57am

Mornin' all, ah kin see the blue sky this mornin' Java. laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 6th Mar 2007, 07:12am

Mornin Melody...ah kin see it tae, but its fulla branches an twigs....oh naw, wait, thats ma hair in ma eyes....laugh.gif

Posted by: keelie gal 6th Mar 2007, 09:18am

laugh.gif java yer so funny pal

Posted by: Melody 6th Mar 2007, 05:52pm

laugh.gif Java yer a riot.

Posted by: Melody 7th Mar 2007, 06:57am

Mornin' all, well the sky is blue a bit grey and white as well and even a wee bit o pink this mornin. Mornin Java get the hair oot yer eyes an ye'll see it. Ah'm away tae put ma eyes in. laugh.gif If ah could only find ma teeth and ma widden leg ah'd be fixed noo. laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 7th Mar 2007, 07:02am

Mornin Melody biggrin.gif......d'ye put coloured eyes in? Mine ur green but ah've often wondered if ma life widda been different if they wur hazel...d'ye no think hazel eyes sound lovely? laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 7th Mar 2007, 05:18pm

Mine are green as well Java but ah always wanted those lovely blue eyes. coloured lenses would freak me out though ah think. laugh.gif I mean it jist would'nae be me.

Posted by: Anne1 7th Mar 2007, 05:21pm

wub.gif wub.gif whit aboot black eyes

Posted by: lindamac 8th Mar 2007, 02:18am

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 8th Mar 2007, 06:55am

Mornin' all, fabulous pink and grey this mornin' don't know quite whit that means for the weather right enough. laugh.gif I think it might reflect the temperament on one of the more distasteful topics this mornin'. sad.gif Mornin' Java pal, hope things are good with you.

Posted by: rdem 8th Mar 2007, 07:12am

Java ah huv hazel eyes, but ah much prefer Brazil!!!! cool.gif

Posted by: Java 8th Mar 2007, 07:21am

A very good mornin Ron an Melody....biggrin.gif

See, Ron, readin your posts ah could tell you huv a charmed, if nutty, life..its the hazel eyes, ah tell ye....


Melody, ah wis dyin tae rub oot the last few posts in the topic tae which ye refer and get back tae the really intrestin bits....whit colour wis Marion's wings, whit colour wis the Armani, an dis Rab know yer cheatin oan him? laugh.gif

Posted by: rdem 8th Mar 2007, 08:02am

Java, ye make me think, so ye dae, no many cin dae that! You said something that ah seldom consider, ah dae huv a charmed life. Ah eat regularly (mibbe too regularly) huv a warm hoose aboot me, an' a wee wife who's absolutely mad aboot me ( or is that mad at me!!) That wee wife is the apple o' ma eye. There's lotsa ither stuff that's good in my life but it's all bonus compared tae the basic three. (not in any order o' importance, mind ye!) Yes! ah wid say Charmed indeed! As furr nutty, well, we a' huv tae be daft to be sane, de ye no think?

Posted by: iancameron 8th Mar 2007, 09:38am

Two years ago yesterday, my nephews oldest daughter Charlie died. Yesterday his wife had a miscarrage and was taken to hospital and the youngest daughter Emily was being looked after by her gran, unfortunatly little Emily took a heart attack and died, she was only four. Now I dont pray much but I did last night, prayed for someone to give me an answer why God takes these children and not old fools the likes of me. I have seen death many times and the grief it causes but yesterday was just devistating to see two young peoples lives devistated in such a way it beggers belief. I only hope and pray that they can get over this without too many scars. Jeasus Christ Why.

Posted by: Java 8th Mar 2007, 10:01am

Ian, there are those on here much more capable than I am of knowing exactly what to say to bring solace in a situation like this. I can only offer my sincere condolences. I hope you and your family can find some comfort from somewhere.

Posted by: georgia 8th Mar 2007, 11:37am

Ian my thoughts and prayers are with your nephew and his wife. To lose a child just doesn't bear thinking about but to lose a 2nd child the same day as suffering a miscarriage must be completely devastating. The poor couple will need a lot of time to come to terms with their losses. I have a 3 friends who all lost their young daughters at the ages of 2, 9 and 15 years. Their worlds collapsed when it happened but time gave them the strength to cope. Like you, I often ask why innocent children are taken, leaving their parents and families to suffer the heartbreak when there are some really evil people around that seem to be excess to requirements to the world They usually live to a ripe old age and take the gift of life for granted, causing others around them nothing but misery. We will never know the answers Ian and I too have questioned God's reasoning at times. My heartfelt sympathy to all at this sad time

Posted by: Isobel 8th Mar 2007, 12:57pm

Ian I am lost for words,hardly know what to say. How can one family take so much.Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and the family.Its always very difficult when you loose a loved one ,but so much more difficult when its young children.

Posted by: ems 8th Mar 2007, 05:16pm

Ian my prayers are with you all at this time, what a dreadful loss for one family to endure. These poor parents will need a so much counselling to help them get over this tragedy. As others have said why are young people taken when we have so much evil in the world. God Bless you all wub.gif

Posted by: lindamac 9th Mar 2007, 08:33am

sad.gif Oh My God Help yees awe Ian I don`t Know ye well But I know yer a genuinely Happy man accordingly tae yer Jokes etc My sincerest condolances tae ye as an uncle tae have lost two babes a niece& God Knows what the ither wean was even if you don`t. That mammy & daddy tae have lost thurr 2 weans is such a burden & cross tae Bare man Iam soooo very very sorry Ian .

I ask you not to try too hard to understand this cos it is an unfathomable thing that will hurt your heart awe the merr,Remember there is indeed a Devil as well as a God & well Ian God Knew ahead of time what yees could awe bare & he has saw up ahead in the distance. God Knows Ian maybe the weans would have had tae endure merr oan this earth than they will in Heaven(who Knows cos this world cin be evil),again I say tae ye we find nae solace nor peace at this sudden shock of horrendous loss,It will perhaps come down the track tae ye somehow But I cin see why ye would want tae Blame God cos it appears he has the power etc But Ian even In Biblical Times Miracles were not always enough ye know.

May yer grief not destroy you Ian & may ye be a deep & encouraging resource tae yer Faimly The dear parents of these lost babes ,at this time of tradgedy,Allow yersell tae weep & be angry & don`t even care too much who sees ye Ian cos Grief has it`s ain reasons furr healing the soul & well tears are the drops of Blood from a wounded heart so let it oot ,Men cin cry & God help ye feel strong enough tae offer assistance tae yer family just stay near them the now will ye promise yersell that ye cin survive this Ian ?Take care man take care Be safe & manage this burden by sharing it with the cross of Jesus & yer Loved ones who want tae comfort ye. sad.gif Be still & know that this was not God whom hurt you & yours, Be still & know he will be there when yer ready tae let him be there for you dear Man Iam sorry for the losses & the cross you bare.

Posted by: Anne1 9th Mar 2007, 09:45am

Ian my heart goes out to you and to your nephew and his wife and the granny who also must be traumatised, alas Ian I have no answer to this but today I will pray for you all God bless this entire family

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 10:43am

Dear Diary,

Ah’m shook tae ma core...the wee Brazilian laddie visitin wisny jist hot air....he’s booked a flight tae here oan the 21st March....awright, says ah, fairy nuff...but guess whit....he’s booked his return flight fur the 20th SEPTEMBER....is it jist me, or is that six months?

Whit ah’m ah spost tae dae wi a wee Brazilian laddie fur six months?..Onybuddy know ony Portuguese?

Haud oan a minit…ah’ve a plan formin here…

Catherine kin ye be at Toronto airport oan the 21st tae pick him up…his name’s Fabio sumthin..jist shout loud pet......you keep him furra month and teach him the language, you’ll be good at that....

Melody kin you be at Glasgow airport oan the 21st April.....his name should still be Fabio sumthin, but check wi Catherine cos ye never know wi hur....you keep him furranurra month and teach him tae sing aw wur favourites....

Angel, kin you pick him up frae Melody’s oan the 21st May....you keep him furranurra month....Melody’s taught him tae sing, so you take him roon aw the karaoke bars doll....
by the time ye’ve done that he’ll be needin a wee rest, an it’ll be June, so jist drap him aff wi Stratson fur two weeks then she kin take him tae Anne’s in Cumernaud fur the nix two weeks......they kin teach him the gerdnin.....

Keelie wid ye pick him up frae Anne’s in July so he gets tae see whit the beach looks like....gie him a wee dinghy an push him oot an up the wey hen....it should take anurra month tae get here....

That jist leaves me four weeks…onybuddy else want a shot?..Stuarty whit ye dain' roon aboot the 20th August?

Posted by: rdem 10th Mar 2007, 11:59am

Aye Catherine, kin teach this Fabio the language jist so lang as he steys in between Bishopton and Bishopbriggs. Ah mean kin ye imagine him learning the patter wi' a Bossa Nova accent!!! huh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 02:46pm

Six months? Oh Java, never mind he'll be company fur ye...aw day!! It's no gonni be aw day is it? unsure.gif Ah'll away an polish up ma singin' " There's an awful lot of coffee in Brazil" Only wan thing fur it kill yer man! laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 02:52pm

Wan step ahead o' ye Melody.....ah'm sprinklin the arsenic in the soup as ah type... laugh.gif (kin ye believe the gall o' the man.... huh.gif )

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 02:52pm

Java a canny pick him up from melody's on the 21st may a meant to tell you a have a prior engagement that day laugh.gif a would if a could but a canny get oot of it, plus aw the karaoke bars shut down in may laugh.gif new rules lol.

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 02:53pm

Angel kin ye send Lauren? jist dont let them catch the bus tae Gretna.... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 02:55pm

Well ah'm findin' it difficult Java. laugh.gif Mibbe he intends lookin' efter Fabio and you've jist tae go tae Brazil for six months, it was a surprise fur ye. laugh.gif A wee exchange visit.

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 02:58pm

laugh.gif good one java lauren is laughing here said you are bonkers laugh.gif hello melody

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 03:01pm

Hello Angela, whit tae dae, whit tae dae? happy.gif

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 03:01pm

Aw jinks, ah never thoat o' that Melody....ah'm switherin noo....if ah gie him the soup, ah'll no find oot where the ticket is....but if ah dont an there's nae ticket, ah'll huv missed ma opperchancity.....ocht tae hell wi it...ah'll gie him the soup an hope its his last request.... laugh.gif


(Lauren dont let yer mammy see this, but ah think he's hansum....laugh.gif)

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 03:04pm

Jist gie him the soup anyhow fur his cheek and then look fur the ticket. laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 03:07pm

Opperchancity laugh.gif love that, java yer stuck wae it hen so get a plan of action sorted oot pronto we will aw help ye oan here gie ye words o wisdom and the likes laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 03:09pm

Wordsa wisdom? wordsa wisdom? whits Portuguese fur help maboab? whits Portuguese fur huv ye no goat a warm jumper wi ye?

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 03:10pm

Words o wisdom Angela, wher' are we gonni find them? Ah think we're better jist grabbin' a fast black masel.

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 03:14pm

We can check oan java's progress everyday oan here melody that way wur helping oot nae end laugh.gif plus we can calm her doon when a crisis occurs laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 03:16pm

QUOTE (Melody @ 10th Mar 2007, 03:27 PM) *
Ah think we're better jist grabbin' a fast black masel.



First wordsa wisdom comin through loud an clear....... laugh.gif

Angel, that's you commitit tae six months noo, ah've witnesses...... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 03:19pm

laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 03:22pm

laugh.gif aye me and ma big gub aw well a promised and a never break a promise but theres a first fur everything phew close shave wipe yer brew. laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 03:24pm

Don't worry Angela, we'll pick ye up in the fast black. laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 03:25pm

Ye'll be wipin yer brew wi a Brazilian t shirt then..... laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 03:25pm

Aye great melody run afore java catches us ye know how fast she can run laugh.gif she is faster than a speeding bullet. laugh.gif

Posted by: Anne1 10th Mar 2007, 03:27pm

java ah forgot to tell you am moving away from cumbernauld dont know where so a will no be able to help[still send ma comic though] hey java maybe hes bringin the sparklies your man forgot satu ,dou tigga[thats 123 in malayan

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 03:29pm

This plan of action is totally dependent on whit Fabio looks like ye understand. Ah mean the fast black could be speedin' towards Cumbria Angela. laugh.gif Hi Anne.

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 03:30pm

Ocht see, there ye've pitched sumthin else intae the mix Anne....hauns oot the fast black lassies....swipe the sparklies as wur gaun past.....and mind ah said SPARKLIES....dont want the boy injured....laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 03:31pm

laugh.gif aye melody wae a name like fabio might be a vision and easy oan the eye laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 06:45pm

Whit'll we talk aboot noo? cool.gif

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 06:48pm

D'ye feel a song comin oan while wur thunkin?

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 06:50pm

Who mentioned singing? laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 06:51pm

Awright ah'll go and find my singin' heid. here java how do they rating things work ye know they wee stars.

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 06:51pm

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 06:52pm

Funny ye should say that Melody, cos ah've jist worked it oot....ye want some fur yer singin? laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 06:52pm

I fell in love with you first time I looked into
Them there eyes
Youve got a certain lil cute way of flirtin with
Them there eyes
They make me feel happy
They make me feel blue
No stallin
Im fallin
Going in a big way for sweet little you
My heart is jumpin
Sure started somethin with
Them there eyes
Youde better watch them if youre wise
They sparkle
They bubble
Theyre gonna get you in a whole lot of trouble
Youre overworkin them
Theres danger lurkin in
Them there eyes
smile.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 06:54pm

Aye laugh.gif

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 06:55pm

laugh.gif

Kin ye see stars oan yer Sing Song?...ah dont know if they jist come up oan ma pooter when ah put them oan.... laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 06:55pm

Haud oan ah'll go and look. Java ther's five stars an a red envelope. whit does the red envelope mean?

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 06:58pm

The red envelope means yer a hot topic.....laugh.gif.....

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 06:59pm

Somethin' else that's bothering me, how does naebody else come in an talk tae us? Just another of my musings ye know, ye know how ah dae that quite a lot. laugh.gif

Oh thank god ah always wanted tae be a hot somethin' laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 07:01pm

How come a canny see stars and a red envelope? sad.gif

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 07:02pm

Well see, that jist means they'll no learn nuthin......tae put the stars oan, go tae the top of the topic page that ye want....click oan the wee white arra next to rating then scroll yer moose along the stars tae get the number ye want.....yase them wisely grasshopper, cos ah dont know if Martin's chargin fur them yet....laugh.gif


Angel, ye see them if ye have the list of topics, like when ye jist click general chitchat...

Posted by: Java 10th Mar 2007, 07:06pm

Ah need tae go poison feed ma man lassies....keep singin till ah get back....laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 07:08pm

Feed them well oh master and do not tear the rice paper. laugh.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 07:09pm

Java they stars a see them, a thought ye meant stars in the posts laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 07:14pm

Angela, you've got yer wings tae look efter hen don't you waste yer time worrying aboot such technical stuff. Your a spiritual being. rolleyes.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 07:34pm

biggrin.gif Thank you melody so a am eh laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 07:37pm

Angela, are yer wings pink or white?

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 07:41pm

They are pink melody biggrin.gif


Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 07:46pm

Aw Angela, ye keep them lovely and clean anaw so ye dae hen. thanks fur letting me see them. smile.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 07:52pm

Here Angela, poor Sammy's oan the other channel worrying aboot (sex) there ah've said it noo. ohmy.gif

Here talkin' aboot that ah wis £15.00 the day tae get two pair o shoes heeled, see before ye could buy five pairs o shoes for that amount. wink.gif

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 08:01pm

Melody there is nae hope fur sammy noo laugh.gif he is gone aff the rails big time biggrin.gif

Posted by: Melody 10th Mar 2007, 08:03pm

Ah tried tae warn him Angela but ther' was nae talkin' tae him. cool.gif Imagine saying words like that, doghouse fur him the night again.

Posted by: Angela Chick 10th Mar 2007, 08:17pm

Aye he never listens melody a law unto himself biggrin.gif rover is jist as bad laugh.gif

Posted by: Melody 11th Mar 2007, 09:31am

Mornin' all laugh.gif blink.gif

Posted by: Java 11th Mar 2007, 09:40am

Mornin Melody...huv ye seen a star lyin aboot...sumdys took wan.... sad.gif laugh.gif

Posted by: lindamac 11th Mar 2007, 09:53am

laugh.gif laugh.gif think a fun the star Java!........... It`s in ma eyeball ma eyes urr stingin or wiz that awe these sad songs yeez awe keep singing?

Posted by: Melody 11th Mar 2007, 01:18pm

Ah saw that Java, who would dae a thing like that imagine no liking oor intellectual conversations and sparkling repartee. laugh.gif