Tales from the sailors home broomielaw Glasgow.
Av’e jist aboot hid enough o’this place that’s ma wee buddie Josie copped it last night,he wisnae very fast oan his paws at the best a’times bit he didnae staun a chance wi that big fat wummin that works oan the night shift,okay a’ no wer’e no very clean an we kin make a bit o’ a mess,bit that wis well oot o’ order last night,poor wee josie,ah don’t know whit he wis daen oan the lavvy-pan, mibee he wis trying tae get up tae the winda ledge ah don’t know, bit when the big yin drapped her drawers an sat doon,god ah hate tae think wit the wee man went through!,Ah heard aw the screaming and swearing, whit a cairy oan, ye widnae think a wummin that size could shift! WHIT! A hunner miles an hour alang the corrider ,drawers et her ankles, Ah hid a wee keek in the lavvy ,pardon the expression,bit it wis too late, the wee man wis oan his wey doon tae the clyde,flushed doon the pan! Wit a wey tae go.A caught wan ae they cleaners a cracker ,she didnae see me sitting oan the chest a drawers, swept aw the dirt under the auld yins bed .an hid the cheek tae say “that’s yer room cleaned Tommy” manky that’s wit she is.An I’ll tell ye another thing am gonnae become a vegetarian, whit that wan that makes the dinners wis daen wi’ that sausage the other day wid hiv geen ye the boak so it wid! Twice she drapped it oan the flair, an didnae even wash it! Straight up the stairs oan tae ’some auld biddys plate! Nae wonder the doctors never oot this place! She thinks she;s back working in the zoo! Av’e seen her wi the fag hinging oot the mooth, drapping the ash intae the soup,didnae bat an eyelid!” ach it’ll gi it
A bit o’ flavour she says.Theres wan auld bloke walks aboot gieying oot orders tae the other men, “up top wi ye boys she’s blowing hard from the starboard”.aw the men try an stay oot his road in case he shanghai‘s them, seems he wis working oan some sailing ship doon in south America ,he fell doon the hold says wee sammy, didnae fa’ far enough , says the auld guy wi the wan leg,shouldnae be in here,should be in the loony bin he says. Any way the other night he turns oan aw the taps an floods the place, the watter wis running doon the stairs, auld jimmy the pot-man slipped an took a heider or’e the balcony ,”MAN OVERBOARD” shouts the auld yin, flinging the ornamental lifebelt doon the stairwell,which breaking Jimmys nose only added to the pain of his broken leg. Later he was seen struggling with a couple of handy chaps they got wan ae they back tae front jaikets oan him. Away ye go ya auld nutter!, some o’ the others shouted as he wis cairted away tae hawkheid…. But little did they know that an old friend would be coming back who would make the auld yin seem quite sane! …see you all soon