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> The Funny Things You Hear, Overheard conversations
sumac
post 18th Aug 2020, 11:09am
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I thought I’d start a new topic because we need a wee laugh now and again. These are things I heard while teaching.

Parents Evening and one of the mum’s was pushing her son out of the school door, smacking him over the head to the beat of her words - “Yur teacher sayed yur fantastic - fantasticly stupit!” slap slap.

One of the absence notes read, “Please excuse Sharon’s absence from school. She had a brain scan but they couldn’t find anything.”

An infant teacher asked her class who could give her a sentence with the word “tap” in it. A wee boy’s hand shot up. He told the teacher,”The tap ay ma heid’s awfy sair.”

Written in a News Book in P2 - no Ramona, no Ramona. I asked the wee girl to read me her story - “Ah’m gaun tae ma aunties, no ramora, no ramora but ramora.”

In the 70’s, in my P7 class, the topic was Current News. One of the boys was telling us that Princess Margaret was in Mustique with her boyfriend. Another pupil commented that she couldn’t have a boyfriend because she was “an auld wummin” then quickly added, “Oh sorry, Miss!” “Why are you sorry?” I asked. “Because she’s your age. I didnae mean tae call you an auld wummin!” I was all of 25!


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Ah don't hear sae well withoot ma specs
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taurus
post 18th Aug 2020, 11:47am
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it`s good to remember wee funny things from your past and still enjoy a wee laugh. Years ago we took out Yorkshire friends to a special auction for antique clocks and watches. My husband was in the trade. Just had to retire recently with cataract op gone wrong (twice )!! and a hand tremor. This woman liked to watch the pennies,but her husband was flambouyant,if she wanted a thing she got it. She looked at these gorgeous clocks,200 years old some of them,and when the auction got goimg and she heard a price,she said in her terrific accent,'bluddy hell you could get new for that money ". she never lived it down.
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ashfield
post 18th Aug 2020, 06:04pm
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I once had an elderly chap (probably younger than I am now ) tell me his wife was recovering from having an "insurrectomy" unsure.gif Amongst many of my favourites was a woman who told me she that a sinkhole had appeared in her back garden. She wondered why I was laughing when she told me a council official was coming to look into it tongue.gif


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taurus
post 18th Aug 2020, 09:25pm
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still smiling here Ashfield,my cheer up for the new day just starting.
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TeeHeeHee
post 19th Aug 2020, 08:33am
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As a wee laddie I was always unsure when going into the water on the coasts. My older brother in explaining bouyancy to me had told me that being able to float meant that the grabity wouldn't pull me down.
I was always expecting that grabity to grab me at some time or other. Bliddy stuff of nightmares was for me, laugh.gif


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sumac
post 19th Aug 2020, 10:32am
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Oh, THH, you poor thing! But it’s still funny. 😁


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sumac
post 19th Aug 2020, 10:42am
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Something like your story that wasn’t so funny at the time.

My daughter, nearly 40 now, but 5 then, was having lunch after school, watching TV with me. It was at the time when the reason for AIDS was being discovered. I was too busy making lunch to notice what was on. She became very quiet and then a wee tear dripped from her eye. I asked her what was wrong and I would fix it. At first she wouldn’t say then she blurted out, “I don’t want to be 6, Mummy.” When I asked her why not, she said she would get the disease and die when she was 6. She was really scared. It transpires that the reporter had said you get AIDS after SEX and there was no cure so you would die. God love her! 😰


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TeeHeeHee
post 19th Aug 2020, 11:14am
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That reminded me about the joke where the TV interviewer goes up to an island off the north of Scotland to discuss the life of a shepherd who'd lived alone there since a young man.
They covered how he coped with the rugged weather and kept his croft in order with the basic of tools and how once a month a boat comes and drops of victuals which he can't provide for on the island in return for a few lambs once or twice a year.
"An important question which I cannot allow to go unanswered", asked the young lady interviewer, " is, what do you do about sex?"
"Oh, I make me a bowl of porridgge around then", he replied.
biggrin.gif


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sumac
post 19th Aug 2020, 12:38pm
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🤣🤣


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ashfield
post 19th Aug 2020, 06:23pm
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QUOTE (TeeHeeHee @ 19th Aug 2020, 09:33am) *
As a wee laddie I was always unsure when going into the water on the coasts. My older brother in explaining bouyancy to me had told me that being able to float meant that the grabity wouldn't pull me down.
I was always expecting that grabity to grab me at some time or other. Bliddy stuff of nightmares was for me, laugh.gif


My first primary school, St Teresa's in Possil, was a coral of single classrooms at one end and a wood and brick building at the other, before it mysteriously burned down rolleyes.gif It had a wooden platform joining up the class doors and, at 5 years old, my 5 years older brother told me to meet him at the wooden platform. When I asked a "big boy" where the "granda" was he fell about laughing. He pointed and said the verandah is over there blush.gif


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taurus
post 19th Aug 2020, 08:57pm
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when I was young sex was what the coalman brought the coal in when you lived in Kelvinside.
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Dave Grieve
post 20th Aug 2020, 08:57am
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When my two daughters started asking ME tricky questions, i would tell them sex came after five and before seven.
I know, im a coward lol
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sumac
post 20th Aug 2020, 09:06am
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I’ve just remembered when my nephew started primary school (he’s in his 40s now). He complained to his mum that the teacher told them they were going to gym. When the class got to the big hall, Jim wasn’t there. 🤭


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taurus
post 20th Aug 2020, 12:11pm
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this goes back to the 60`s. My father in law had just arrrived and there was a boxing match on in the local club. he was a mad keen boxing fan could name every winner back to 1912 sort of. He went with his 3 adult sons,and you can imagine the 4 of them all talking. some young smartie Aussie blokes behind them starting taunting them about their accents. My husband was worried his brothers might get in to a fight,but the old man couldn`t take any more. He said,whit youse sayin we hud tae come tae this country to learn youse yins how tae talk English. problem solved,Aussie boy speechless and the brothers all had a great laugh and the legend still around to this day.That same old man went to work in a car pool of young blokes,and they all talked about the weekend how much sex and whatever they`d had. The old man said oh for F.. s sake talk aboot somethin fur eatin.they made him uncomfortable.
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zascot
post 20th Aug 2020, 03:01pm
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QUOTE (Dave Grieve @ 20th Aug 2020, 09:57am) *
When my two daughters started asking ME tricky questions, i would tell them sex came after five and before seven.
I know, im a coward lol

That explains my problem Dave . I did`nt get home till 8. biggrin.gif


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