A wee story for you Chrissie.
One of my mates over here, his uncle ( or something) is caretaker in a church in another town near to here. It was almost impossible to open the door, behind the altar, which gave access to the bell-tower and attic so he asked my mate if he could rid the church of the pidgeons and clean up the mess they'd left. My mate asked if I would help.
The steps behind the door really were about 6" thick with hard as concrete doo-poo
; had to be chizzled and scraped all the way up to the bell-tower.
You know when you're in a church and you look up to the ceiling above you and it's all arched ... when you're the other side of that ceiling it's like an upside-down egg box. You need a rope to abseil down the domes and climb back up. All around the attic there is a series of cat-walks; every thing was covered in hard, white, poo so we were well covered in protective overalls (red
) and wore gloves and masks.
One of the funny moments was when I turned to see my mate quite a way away from me standing talking to someone on his mobile; head slightly tilted upwards and a single ray of sunshine beaming down on him through one of the holes in the roof, completely oblivious to the picture he presented; as if he was talkin' to Big G on the phone.
I was always sorry I didn't have a camera on me at that time.
We cleared out, literally, over a ton or two of doo-poo, egg shells and bird remains, all neatly tied up in black bags. Then we set about fitting wire mesh to all the gaps and ventilation points in the roof so that the birds couldn't get back into the House of God.
And the caretaker was very happy ...
... till the Sunday Morning Service.
You know, and Davy knows, and I know that pidgeons are homing birds. Maybe the caretaker thought they might all migrate to the nearby woods, but we know that's where the wood-pidgeons live. The Homing pidgeons came back home ... but couldn't get in.
So they sat on the guttering around the church ... and pooed on the people below
Sunday bests were pooed on, cars were pooed on and the paths were pooed on and I thought "All creatures great and small, the Lord God loves them all".
But his congregation weren't too happy with them.
Wait a minute ... I've got my eye on a burd.
... Some try to tell me thoughts they cannot defend ...