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> Wee Stories From Your Work
Rab-oldname
post 15th Oct 2010, 04:31pm
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In the 'good' old days, us young coppers had lots of fun on night-shift. Giving your mates a 'scare' was one of the best gags. Never mind where it was, cos I'm not telling, but we found a local electricity board place where they dumped all sorts of stuff round the back of the premises, including thousands of light-bulbs of all shapes and sizes from domestic types to the giants used in street lighting. We discovered that a lot of the house types were in working order so we 'liberated' them from destruction to our living rooms!. I hasten to add that we had been given permission by the chargehand in the works. One night I was working a diffent section and I met up with PC Pete. He had been round the dump and had pockets full of bulbs. He had a plan to scare the beat officer on that area. There was a fire escape leading from the dump up the side of the electricity showrooms where we could hide with one of the large street light bulbs (which was the size of a TV tube), which we planned to 'bomb' our mate! We sat up there giggling, as we saw the uniformed guy walking along the street in the semi-dark about 5am. Pete held the 'bomb' in position and I acted as 'bomb-aimer' the idea being to drop it just behind him. 'Bomb away' whispered Pete as he let go and I followed it with a few smaller bulbs to give a kind of 'carpet-bombing' effect. It worked perfectly! The big one went off with and enormous bang, followed by the smaller 'hand-grenades' which sounded great. When we stopped laughing, we saw that the guy was lying in a heap! Terrified that we had hit him, we scurried down the stairs and went to his aid. We were amazed and shocked to find a man in a bus-drivers uniform unconscious but completely unharmed. It must have been the shock that caused him to go into a faint. Well, we went into active First Aid mode and brought him round, asking him what had happened etc. He then started swearing about 'them bl**dy vandals' etc and we agreed, promising to seek them out. We brushed him down, sent him on his way to work, and retired, thankfully and relieved that he was OK to have recovered. Nevertheless, we still had a good laugh, but were too scared to repeat that trick again.
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Rab-oldname
post 15th Oct 2010, 04:59pm
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On another Station PC Rab and his mates had a particularly obnoxious Sergeant who went out of his way to find fault with us mere Constables. One evening, I was with a very clever officer, PC Ken. We were having a chat on a street corner (which was officially not allowed but only Sgt Brian would enforce the rule) when along he came on his bike, and saw us talking. He jumps off the bike, parked it then began ranting at us for 'neglecting our duty, gossiping' etc We had to stand there and take this crap until he was finished issuing dire warnings about our future 'behaviour' etc He then dismissed us to our patrols and went into a nearby pub to vent his spleen on any poor customer he took a dislike to. Ken was a quick thinker and pulled me into an alley. 'Wait here' he says, disappearing into a coal-bunker. He then crosses the road to Sgt Brians bike, deflates the front tyre, then pumps it up again, having put a small lump of coal between the top of the tyre and the mudguard, effectively putting a 'brake' on the front wheel. He then creeps back with me into the alley and we watch as the sergeant strides from the pub, mounts his bike pushes down on the pedals and somersaults clean over the handlebars with the bike landing on top of him! We stood there trying to stifle our laughter as he regained his feet and shouting out along the street that he would 'sort out' whoever had abused his dignity, after which he lurched off limping and pushing his bike back to the nick with a buckled wheel. Many years later I was posted to the detective branch and sent to a station where I was introduced to my new boss - yes - Inspector Brian!!
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andypisces
post 15th Oct 2010, 05:11pm
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one time i was working in the hamilton county building, installing the lifts. We worked hard but still had lots of time for fun. One time my friend freddy from northampton nin england were being chased up the stairs by another friend, jimmy brady. As we ran upstairs we passed some bags of cement. i grabbed one and threww it back towards Jimmy. I threw it too hard and it hit the ceiling above jimmy and burst. The cement flew all over and covered jimmy. he stood there covered in cement dust and looking like a statue while freddy and i laughed till the tears ran down our cheeks.
Another fav was working in the hoistway with folk working above and below us they supplied us with hard hats. First time ever. We discovered that if you dropped a snowball onto someones hard hat they would inevitably take it off and wipe it. That was when we dropped the rest of the snowballs. Ahhh life is fun
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Rab-oldname
post 15th Oct 2010, 05:35pm
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Andy. I was just this minute thinking - I bet Andy has some good stories about lifts - and up you come with one!. Great! biggrin.gif
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ashfield
post 16th Oct 2010, 01:11pm
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I worked in an MoD establishment that was “protected” by the MoD police, generally a reasonable bunch of guys. They would mainly check for folk trying to smuggle in cigarettes and matches, which were both banned or stop others stealing from the factory. This reasonable group of policemen were once joined by a young officer who was not so popular, he was abrasive, bad mannered and overly officious.

One day he was on the main gate, checking the many delivery lorries coming in and going out. Because of one of the processes there were regular bulk deliveries of lime (naw no the stuff you put in lager). When one of the lorries was leaving, the new recruit decided o check that the driver had not stashed anything under his tarpaulin. He demanded that the driver remove it and the driver declined (I will leave the nature of the conversation to your imagination but it was a fairly heated exchange rolleyes.gif ). The new recruit angrily went to the rear of the lorry and climbed up, he began to untie the tarpaulin when he lost his balance and slid underneath it into the back of the lorry.

When he emerged he looked very like the little men in bowler hats who used to appear on telly promoting the adage that “graded grains make finer flour”. At the time the Homepride adverts had a song that went to the tune of “we do like to be beside the seaside” so you can guess what got whistled whenever the unlucky gentleman was in the vicinity.


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If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans (Woody Allen)
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TeeHeeHee
post 16th Oct 2010, 03:44pm
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Back in the 70's I was contracted at Lotus Cars in Hethel, Norfolk, to work with three others in the manufacture of the prototype DMC12 Chassis. I was the first contractor on that job and before too many months had passed, the four-man team had changed at least 4 times.
Eventually I managed to get the right guys onto the job and one of them was a Noniron called Eddie; a guy who was as hard as they come and as funny as it gets. An example of his type of humour was one day when leaving the dinner time session in a pub in Wind'am (Wymondham)
our other Irishman, Simon; from the Mountains of Mourne, wanted to pop into the local Lloyds bank. We waited outside parked on a double yellow next to a bus-stop just outside the bank with the motor running as Simon entered the bank and Eddie shouted in with a pseudo loud whisper,
"Soimon, ye'v forgott'n the fookin' gun!"
Simon stopped for a second then came running, red-faced, back to the car amid our howls of laughter and the surprised faces of the the people at the bus-stop.
We told him to go back but he wouldn't, it was all too much for him; poor lad.
But one of Eddies greatest feats was the Lotus Sunbeam Talbot Theft.
At that time, while on the DMC, Lotus took delivery of a fleet of special Sunbeam Talbots to be fitted out with special engines for the Dakar Rally.
I can't remember how many cars there were but I believe it was perhaps 16. They had raised chassis and were done out in black paint; looking , to me, a bit like a mini version Range Rover at that time on their raised chassis. I can't find a picture but this was the standard version.

Attached Image



At 6 o'clock in the evenings we had our last tea break (in a 14 hour day;
9 hours on Sats and Suns) and as usual sat out in the grass for a coffee and a smoke. As usual about this time two security cops would come past and count the LSTs (Lotus Sunbeam Talbots) before going off somewhere else.
One evening Eddie said, "Have any of you noticed that brick?"
"What brick?"
"This brick," he said, standing and going over to the last LST in the line and picked up a brick beside the tyre of a car and moving it exactly one car's pace away. "These lazy bastards don't even bother to count the cars now. That's what the brick's there for." So we waited to see if he was right ... and he was.
When the security guards came past, nodding hello in our direction and chattin' away as if one day would calmly follow the other, they stopped short at the last car in the row and ... panicked.
One ran back shouting out numbers, counting, as he passed the cars while the other was screaming into his talking broach and we were curled up in stitches on the grass.
They kept a good eye on us after that ... but not good enough.
We had our own scam going ... making expensive stainless steel tool-boxes in a nice red paint finish; two of which we took each weekend out to our cars under their very noses - we had them stand guard over them while we brought our cars from the car park to the workshop doors since the boxes were heavy.
Yeah, that was Steady Eddie. cool.gif


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Wait a minute ... I've got my eye on a burd.

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campsie
post 16th Oct 2010, 07:37pm
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This might be one of my few posts before I get taken to jail on Monday, WHY! you might ask, well when I see her on Monday I am going to MURDER HER, my boss thats who. She made me miss my flight tonight because she wanted the weeks figures, when I told her that I needed to leave to get my flight and it is not something that I would normally do she got nasty I mean nasty nasty. Then to add insult to injury she has'nt confirmed my stay at the hotel for tonight so I have had to pay for tonight, I will get it back but I'll be in jail so it wont matter much, not to mention hubby is spitting arrows.
Bloody hell I'm leaving soon why is she being such a B***H. she was always nice to me in the past. mellow.gif huh.gif
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Rab-oldname
post 16th Oct 2010, 08:00pm
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Army life produces some of the best humour.
I was part of a working party of recruits who had a backbreaking job of removing all the equipment from the old Military Hospital at Netley near Southampton, prior to its demolition. We had a very nice adjutant, a Major who looked just like 'Captain Mainwaring' in Dads Army, but he was not at all pompous.
I was to act as his 'batman' for a couple of weeks and he was no bother to look after. One evening, after a merry night out on the town, my pal Willie and me returned and decided to play a joke on the Major. The hospital had a very lifelike dummy that they used for medical training, that Willie and I had 'liberated'. We dressed this thing in a uniform and placed it in the Majors bed with a fag in its mouth (unlit of course) and left a small light on. We waited in an adjoining room until the Major returned from a night out in the Mess, a wee bit worse for wear, just like us. He opened his room door, there was a long pause and he shouted 'Callout the guard, call out the guard' and ran off down the passage repeating this. Willie and I nipped back in, removed the dummy and put out the light. Couple of minutes after, the Major returns with the guard commander and a couple of the guard and tells them to arrest 'that man in my bed'! You can imagine the rest!
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One of our haunts was a pub in East Grinstead which was the town near which the Womens Royal Army Corps training barracks were situated. I had some great times in this establishment, but I had better not repat most of them here! I met a very nice young trainee WRAC there who told me the story of one of her rather dim fellow-recruits who, on the first morning of her training went on parade stripped to the waist. The Sergeant told her that if she had listened properly she would have known it was a KIT inspection that was to take place!
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Rab-oldname
post 16th Oct 2010, 08:13pm
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huh.gif
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auchenshuggle
post 16th Oct 2010, 09:31pm
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i wonder if he shouted at her to get they two buttons polished up as well?
laugh.gif


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i saw a coo upon a hill its no there noo it mustve vanished.
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Heather
post 16th Oct 2010, 09:42pm
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A colleague came back to her desk in fits laughing after interviewing a young lad who was asking for more money as he was skint. He was told his money was for two weeks and there was still another few days to go so he was refused.
He did his nut bawling and and shouting, " I've worked all my days and I'm entitled to get some money to help me out".

This lad was 18yrs old!!! wub.gif


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Heather.......I'm tartan. Alba gu Brath. Saor Alba
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Paulines47
post 16th Oct 2010, 09:45pm
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QUOTE (CAMPSIE @ 16th Oct 2010, 09:33pm) *
This might be one of my few posts before I get taken to jail on Monday, WHY! you might ask, well when I see her on Monday I am going to MURDER HER, my boss thats who. She made me miss my flight tonight because she wanted the weeks figures, when I told her that I needed to leave to get my flight and it is not something that I would normally do she got nasty I mean nasty nasty. Then to add insult to injury she has'nt confirmed my stay at the hotel for tonight so I have had to pay for tonight, I will get it back but I'll be in jail so it wont matter much, not to mention hubby is spitting arrows.
Bloody hell I'm leaving soon why is she being such a B***H. she was always nice to me in the past. mellow.gif

Think you've answered your own question there Campsie.....she's being so now because you're leaving soon!!

I do have to say that women in business can be a total nightmare...I mean at 'the top'...I've been a boss myself but I hope that my staff would have always thought of me as fair, thoughtful & a team player. (?)

Who pays for the missed/rebooked flight?

Hope you get home soon. mellow.gif
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Paulines47
post 16th Oct 2010, 09:48pm
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QUOTE (Heather @ 16th Oct 2010, 11:38pm) *
A colleague came back to her desk in fits laughing after interviewing a young lad who was asking for more money as he was skint. He was told his money was for two weeks and there was still another few days to go so he was refused.
He did his nut bawling and and shouting, " I've worked all my days and I'm entitled to get some money to help me out".

This lad was 18yrs old!!! wub.gif

Sounds like a lot of the younger generation these days that think the world owes them a favour.

Had my letter today re: Job Seeker's Allowance....which was very quick, I only went yesterday!! It's a 'no go'!!
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TeeHeeHee
post 16th Oct 2010, 11:45pm
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QUOTE (CAMPSIE @ 16th Oct 2010, 08:33pm) *
Bloody hell I'm leaving soon why is she being such a B***H. she was always nice to me in the past. huh.gif

You've answered your own question Campsie. rolleyes.gif


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Wait a minute ... I've got my eye on a burd.

... Some try to tell me thoughts they cannot defend ...
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Rab-oldname
post 28th Oct 2010, 06:40pm
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At our poice station we were continually pestered by an elderly lady who was besotted with the idea that 'aliens' were watching her home. She insisted that they were flying over her house and firing 'rays' through her letterbox. She assured us that the black box at the top of a nearby telephone pole had been put there by her aliens to tap her calls! All this and more she reported to us on an almost daily basis but she was given every politeness and all her calls were meticulously recorded and she always went away quite happy that we were investigating her complaints. We were. We inserted all her reports into our Galactic Shredder! It came to a head one day when I called at her house and found that she had poured water all over her beds, kitchen table, inside her (dresser) drawers etc and insisted that 'they' were in her home. The next time she called at our office, she was standing at the desk rambling on about her 'aliens' and their latest mischief, when my pal Sergeant Dick appeared in full Darth Vader costume and told her that he was leaving for his home planet that day and would never return. She ran from the station and we never saw her again. The nice ending to this story is an amazing one. A few years later, the old lady died and in her will she left a set of paintings to one of the station officers who had listened patiently to her complaints many times. He sent them off for valuation and he eventually auctioned them for several thousand pounds! Attached Image
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