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> Wee Stories From Your Work
Rab-oldname
post 6th Oct 2010, 07:41pm
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It seems inevitable that this Board has gained many from all walks of life with lots of tales to tell and we have enjoyed many already. Our occupations, past and present, must contain thousands of stories which bear repitition. A wee bit of 'license' is allowable but they should be true in essence.
Let me start the ball rolling before THH gets one of his 'DamBuster' ones in! laugh.gif
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Several decades ago when PC Rab was on patrol with PC Len, we got a radio message that several lads had absconded from an approved school in our area. The list included a group of 3 white boys and a coloured lad. A couple of hours later we spotted these boys in the distance walking along a country road. They spied our patrol car and legged it into some woods. Len and I took off in hot pursuit. We were fairly fit in those days but these were young teenagers and they were well away as we extricated our torn trousers from a barbed wire fence and chased them up a hill towards a railway line. They raced across it and disappeared from view. As Len and I crossed the line on the other side of which was a station platform, we heard the sound of a siren and to our horror saw a train racing towards us around a bend. Have you any idea how high a railway platform is from the track when you are severely out of breath and terrified?? Somehow we managed to scramble up to safety and raced after the youths, who, by this time had disappeared.
A railway employee approached us and indicated that they had gone behind the nearby railway cottages. Len and I tip-toed around the back gardens of a row of cottages where we saw a line of outhouses containing cludgies and coal-bunkers. Then we heard a sneeze! Len kicked open a door and grabbed 2 lads as I did the same to the next shed where I grabbed one, just as the coloured boy was trying to climb over the wall to escape - no way! We frog-marched the four back to our car and returned them to their 'residence', put in our report , and that was that. About a year later, I was talking to a Detective at our station and he said, 'Rab, do you remember that coloured boy from *** **** School you brought in with some others a while back?' I said I did. He said, 'It turns out that he is making a name for himself as an amateur boxer'. I said, 'Good for him, he was certainly very fit. What's his name'?. 'Frank Bruno' was the reply.
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TeeHeeHee
post 6th Oct 2010, 10:41pm
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Nice one Rab, ya cheeky bugger, but we'll stick tae boxin' on post #2.
I was working on my first civilian passenger aircraft in Luton airport and it was the biggest piece of scrap I have ever worked on in the whole of the rest of my career on aircraft. It was an African Safari Airlines Britannia aircraft and it happened to be the only aircraft African Safari Airlines had at the time. Came in freshly painted and ultra-sonic testing showed it to be rotten right through. I had the job, initially, of changing a simple hinge on the lid of the escape-slide container. Removing said hinge rendered the whole cabin floor area unsafe and further inspection led to all the cabin floor support inter-costals being changed. That was when I met A guy called Bob E. who'd just come back to the UK from Africa and we finished up doing the floors together. He was full of unbelievable stories some of which entailed the use of his fists in dodgy and dangerous situations. He also related that he used to box, rather successfully, for the RAF and that one day he was asked by the RAF to take part in a sparring bout with an up and coming heavyweight boxer called Joe Buggner; just an exhibition bout, like, nothing serious.
Buggner was accompanied by his soon-to-be-first-wife Melanie; sat at ring side; and was putting a wee private show on to impress her during the bout. Our Bob decided to put on his own wee show and every time he and Buggner were near Melanie he would rattle a few rapid of Buggners nut ... which began to annoy big Joe after a while to the extent that at one point when Bob made a fool of him again Buggner threw one in that landed right on Bob's throat sending him gasping in pain; and struggling to breath, against the ropes ... from which he rebounded and kicked Joe Buggner right in the cobblers dropping him to his knees. " Imagine trying to cup your cobblers in your hands when your wearing boxing gloves?" he asked me.
The result was that from that moment on he was never allowed to don the gloves again for the RAF and his name was sh#t among the Sports section officers from that day on.
Aye, great story Bob. (tell it to the marines ya bum)
Our lunch break was always taken at the bar in Luton Airport; lookin' cool in our white overalls with nice wee strategically placed technical instruments stickin' out of sleeve and leg pockets to impress the girls rolleyes.gif when one day Bob suddenly let out a cry and went hareing it away from the bar. Not understanding what he'd said, I ran; pint of Guinness in hand, after him. I followed him around and behind a big staircase to find him confronting none other than Mr and Mrs Joe and Melanie Buggner ... Rabbitin' away like old mates. Buggner was on his way to Spain for his next fight before going into the ring to be the first boxer to stay upright for 12 rounds with The Greatest; Muhammed Ali.
"I was tellin' Tee here a wee while back about my last ring-time for the RAF," Bob says, laughin.
"Is that Guinness?" Buggner asks me and wraps one of the biggest fists I've ever seen on a human being around my pint glass; making it look like a half pint, and confirms Bob's story while neckin' my Guinness.
They'd made up after the bout; the punch in the throat was a foul punch, but it hadn't stopped Bob from being banned by the RAF from boxing ... not on old bean, kicking an opponent in the haw-maw's.
But it made me look on Bob's other dramatic stories of his life in South Africa in a totally different light.


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"Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.”
― Joseph Heller, God Knows
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wellfield
post 6th Oct 2010, 11:46pm
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My first job as a 15 year old was that of a clothes cutter on the border of Springburn and Bishopbriggs....they made the coloured see-through plastic raincoats and waterproof police coats..The cutting room was ground level and all the machinists were one up.....the older fellas' would send me up the stairs right before lunch with the bundles for the Lassies,that in itself was an embarassment as the Girls would start banging their scissors on their benches as I walked down the aisles.........by the time I set all the bundles at the different sewing tables the Lassies had started with their lunches sitting on the stairs........Well!!!...you try squirming past a hundered Glasgow Lassies sitting on a winding staircase!!....Needless to say my pants were at my poor wee 15 year old ankles by the time I reached the bottom...Naw! Naw! am' no' complainin' mind ye!..(chuckle)
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Rab-oldname
post 7th Oct 2010, 06:09pm
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Good start there lads. Now, come on lassies! make us laff. laugh.gif We're going to need a good laugh this month!
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Heather
post 7th Oct 2010, 09:12pm
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I was interviewing a young woman who came into the Social complaining she had been underpaid on the Giro she got that day as she had paid off her Social Fund Loan so wanted another giro making up the difference,

I checked her details on the PC then told her although she had paid one Loan off, she still had another Loan to pay and the deductons for that started as soon as the other had been paid.
She started yelling at me that she was not notified the Loan had been paid and I explained a letter was sent out automatically advising her exactly what I was telling her.
She was screaming and cursing at me demanding I give her more money and I advised her she was not getting any more money and she should leave the office.

Meanwhile another colleague was in the Public Section interviewing claimants how long they had to wait before they were dealt with and were the Staff courteous to them.

So I'm sitting in the Interview room geting called all the f...ers and b..s of the day and for the first time I lost my temper with a Claimant when she screamed at me, " I'll be back here tomorrow and you better give me an f...ing giro or your in f...ing trouble.
As she walked out the room I went after her and stood in the Public Area yelling, " don't bother coming back tomorrow your getting nothing " . wub.gif

The colleague in the Public Section doing the interviews sat there with her mouth open and the Security Guard who had been running up to the room I was in thinking I was being attacked, stood there speechless.

No she did not come back the next day. laugh.gif


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Heather.......I'm tartan. Alba gu Brath. Saor Alba
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Rab-oldname
post 10th Oct 2010, 06:42pm
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Well done Heather!

JESUS CHRIST
In my early days in the Polis, Britain was not a member of the EC or Common Market as it was called then. All visitors from Europe and overseas coming to work here had to register with the polis as Aliens under the Aliens Order 1950something and registering these workers was part of my duties when I was station officer. One day, into Arundel Polis Station comes this wee Spanish guy who is to be a waiter at one of the towns restaurants. He hands me his registration form, photos etc and I nearly fell off my chair when I read his name - Jesus Christ! I queried this and he assured me that it was true and his passport confirmed it. His folks must have been dedicated Kafflicks right enough. Anyway, it was off to the photocopier for PC Rab to turn out a few copies of Jesus Christs Birth Certificate, Passport, Driving Licence and his references as a waiter etc I had some real fun showing these genuine Jesus bits around the force. The Chief Constable came in one day after that and asked me if anything interesting had happened recently ......... !!

DONKEYS
I was a parish Constable for 20 years and many strange events took place in that period. Like the morning I woke up to find five donkeys in my garden, happily chomping away at our flower beds. It turned out that a passing motorist found the donkeys straying on the road in the middle of the night so he decided the local coppers house was as good a place as any to corral them away from the road! If you are reading this pal - thanks for nothing!

CRIME THAT NEVER WAS
Another day, a local female resident came to my door crying hysterically that she had found a body in the woods. She assured me that it was true and the corpse was covered with plastic sheeting. This was the first time I had come across such a report and before calling out the rest of the force, I decided to investigate her story. Down to the woods we drove with Mrs Bodyfinder sniffling away. We entered the woods and followed a small path for some 50 yards or so when Mrs B screamed and ran away back to my car. I then saw what looked like a large polythene bag lying near the path, and clearly showing through it was the figure of an old man. My adrenalin was going berserk as I approached the 'corpse' and just as I was about to remove the plastic, the old man sat upright quickly - I staggered backward with shock and literally fell over cursing him as I did so. When I gathered my dignity I asked him what the **** he was playing at. It turned out he was a tramp who decided he wanted a wee nap so off he went, into the woods and rolled himself up in his polythene 'tent' as he thought it might rain. A happy ending for me and a reassured Mrs B, who I doubt ever walked her dog in that wood again!
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Paulines47
post 10th Oct 2010, 06:55pm
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This will make you laugh Rab.......got 'laid off' Wednesday night at 21.10pm, with a note through the letterbox by a spineless **** that couldn't even ring the doorbell & say 'Sorry, but......'

Was due to be at work 7am the following morning!!

Enjoy..... smile.gif
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Heather
post 10th Oct 2010, 07:11pm
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Pauline, was that Wednesday of this week? If so, sue your Boss for unfair dismissal.


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Heather.......I'm tartan. Alba gu Brath. Saor Alba
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Jupiter
post 10th Oct 2010, 07:15pm
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PC Joop and his mate Frankie ,community officers got a call to attend a local resident who lived one up in a tenement in a well known area in the north of Glasgow.The lady was distraught as her cockateil had got out a window that had been left open inadvertantly.Suitably consoled by Frankieboy the lady was advised to leave the window open and it would probably fly back in.Meanwhile I stood back,almost wetting myself but managed to keep a straight face.He was satisfied it was the best course of action.He conned her but I wasnt so sure.
Anyway the next day we came on duty and there was a note left for us from the CID who were not too impressed at Frankie boys attempt at Crime prevention as during the night while the lady slept it wasnt the bird that came back but a cat burgler who climbed up the rone pipe and was off with the video and her jewellery.Frankie took a long while to live that one down.
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Paulines47
post 10th Oct 2010, 07:30pm
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QUOTE (Heather @ 10th Oct 2010, 09:07pm) *
Pauline, was that Wednesday of this week? If so, sue your Boss for unfair dismissal.


Hi Heather, yeah this Wednesday. Can't sue him, he's paying the statutory week in 'lieu of'. Would deffo like to kick him in the........though...!!!! (being of 'part Glaswegian' blood I'm sure you understand where I'm coming from.)

One gal just had a text!! Then I would've been 'spitting blood'!!

But hey....I'm multi-talented & 'one door closes and another one opens'.

Thanks Heather smile.gif
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Rab-oldname
post 10th Oct 2010, 07:55pm
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QUOTE (Paulines47 @ 10th Oct 2010, 08:51pm) *
This will make you laugh Rab.......got 'laid off' Wednesday night at 21.10pm, with a note through the letterbox by a spineless **** that couldn't even ring the doorbell & say 'Sorry, but......'

Was due to be at work 7am the following morning!!

Enjoy..... smile.gif


Canny laugh at that Pauline - especially as I got the bums rush 4 weeks ago and finish on Friday next. Who wants to employ a 98 yr old ex-cop anyway?
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Rab-oldname
post 10th Oct 2010, 08:12pm
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There was a PC on my section who was perfectly useless.
One day a wee boy turned up at his house showing Danny (name changed!) a hand-grenade he had dug up somewhere. Danny told him to put it back where he found it.
One Saturday afternoon, Danny attended a road accident in my village where the lady driver was trapped in her car by her feet, making it very difficult and time-consuming to release her. Danny had no qualms about telling the lady that thanks to her, he was going to be late for a cricket-match!
Another time, Danny was chasing some theives from the scene of a crime when one of them turned round and stabbed Danny in the arm. Danny grabbed him, gave him a lecture on the danger of carrying knives, then let him go.
At a local rubbish tip one winters night, some local youths got hold of a pigs carcase, dressed it up in a mans clothes and left it lying in the middle of the yard where it looked realisticaly like a body. They then rang 999 and reported seeing a body at the dump. Danny was dispatched to investigate and despite being the only dead pig dressed in a mans clothing in the dump, Danny reported back that he couldn't find it! I did!
Etc, etc rolleyes.gif
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wombat
post 10th Oct 2010, 08:18pm
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cool.gif wurked in a seedy nightclub wance serving booze slingin drunks oot etc! whit a joint, the usual clientele ,a mixture of tourists the odd celebrity,dope dealers,gays ,lesbians,,tranny's ,cross dressers,and "bent cop's". where wid yie like me tae start.? laugh.gif


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the mighty only appear mighty
because YOU are on your knees.RISE UP.

wombat thit grates oan yie.
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Paulines47
post 10th Oct 2010, 08:30pm
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QUOTE (wombat @ 10th Oct 2010, 10:14pm) *
cool.gif wurked in a seedy nightclub wance serving booze slingin drunks oot etc! whit a joint, the usual clientele ,a mixture of tourists the odd celebrity,dope dealers,gays ,lesbians,,tranny's ,cross dressers,and "bent cop's". where wid yie like me tae start.?


....where would you like ta (s)...tart Wombat laugh.gif
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Heather
post 10th Oct 2010, 09:22pm
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Pauline, I worked in a Chartered Accountants and they amalgamated with another Company the result being we were now over staffed. Although I was employed there for seven years as a Bookkeeper, I knew that I had less service that the Bookkeeper who came with the other Company.

I was paid off with full holiday pay and a bit extra and Redundancy money, I took them to a Tribunal and won another 500.
Although some Chartered Accountants were also paid off, I was the only one with the nerve to sue the Company.
For my sins I ended up working in the Social Security. laugh.gif

Unless he had a valid reason for paying you off you can sue him.


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Heather.......I'm tartan. Alba gu Brath. Saor Alba
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