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> Wee Stories From Your Work
auchenshuggle
post 10th Oct 2010, 09:24pm
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i was working in the shipyards in greenock, wan day the boss told me to wire up wan o the cabins, so off i goes. unbeknownst to us, the painter had been in and done the floor. so just fur something to do, i hung aboot. the boss came aboard and asked what`s happening, i told him it was the painters fault, and i hud ti wait ti it wis dry. WAIT, he says it`s dry enough, just put this newspaper doon and get the bloody job done. when i finished i left and just turned in time ti hear the painter shout " who the f*^& stuck this bloody paper doon here?". seemingly it took him ages ti scrape it aw aff an gie it another coat o paint. laugh.gif


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i saw a coo upon a hill its no there noo it mustve vanished.
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Heather
post 12th Oct 2010, 11:22pm
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laugh.gif What a Boss, he should have got the sack.

Another story from the Social.

When Benefit is paid for x amount of weeks and spent before the next Benefit is due, it's called ' Miss-spent Benefit '.

I was interviewing a young girl who was barely 17yrs old and she had her baby with her in a pram and she asked for a Crisis Loan as she had no money to buy food for the baby and she was also pregnant with her 2nd child. wub.gif
Her Benefit was paid by Order Book every week so a Loan was refused as my EO had told me not give her any more money as she was always pulling this stunt.

She was as usual yelling her head off and told me if I was not giving her any money I could feed the baby myself and she stormed out the office leaving the baby.
So I had to go through the Public Area and collect the baby and pram and it caused a lot of laughs and cracks from the rest of the Staff when I pushed the pram through the office which was quite a big open plan room right through to the Social Fund Loan Section at the top of the room.

By this time the baby was howling her head off and just as the EO decided we should phone the Social Work Dept., one of the Staff on Reception phoned through to say the baby's mum had come back and was creating hell yelling and screaming we had taken her baby off her and we had no right to do that and she wanted her baby back.
So back I went with baby and pram.

Well her tantrum worked, the EO felt sorry for her because of the state she had got herself in and gave her a Crisis Loan. I gave him a thump.

A lot of people think it is a joke when they hear about a baby being dumped in the Social Security. It's very true.



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Heather.......I'm tartan. Alba gu Brath. Saor Alba
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weeyin
post 13th Oct 2010, 12:30am
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one of my first jobs was working for a chartered accountants in Union Street. A very old and well established firm.

My friend, also worked there. One morning after a late night out we were busy doing our junior duties pretending to look busy. One of the ancient stuffed shirts was trying to load up the photocopier without much success he let out an exasperated " this won't fit in here" Cool as a cucumber my friend without even blinking an eye says"thats no whit yee say'ed last night"

Well you could have heard a pin drop and then there wis me choking in the corner I had to run to the toilet passing all the tut tuts. Bit mind yee the auld guy wis chuckling too.



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Paulines47
post 13th Oct 2010, 01:32am
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QUOTE (auchenshuggle @ 10th Oct 2010, 11:20pm) *
i was working in the shipyards in greenock, wan day the boss told me to wire up wan o the cabins, so off i goes. unbeknownst to us, the painter had been in and done the floor. so just fur something to do, i hung aboot. the boss came aboard and asked what`s happening, i told him it was the painters fault, and i hud ti wait ti it wis dry. WAIT, he says it`s dry enough, just put this newspaper doon and get the bloody job done. when i finished i left and just turned in time ti hear the painter shout " who the f*^& stuck this bloody paper doon here?". seemingly it took him ages ti scrape it aw aff an gie it another coat o paint. laugh.gif



Blik! Schugs!!(Yok..mus be furs pun nicht GREENOCK??) I struggle normally but, blimeeee! It will b v intrestin ta c y'ur interpretation of wot I think I saw.... ......;/p Heehee. Gr8 avin yr own bk sumtimes, eh?? smile.gif
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TeeHeeHee
post 13th Oct 2010, 02:36am
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I got posted off a Bomber squadron, my home; my air force and onto a newly formed Phantom squadron by a boss with whom I'd crossed swords; came from Embra ... or Aberdeen or somewhere ... right piece of sh*t he was, and I hated everything; the stupid camp, it's stupid rules .... I had to buy a new Number 1 uniform on the first day I arrived there, (they never work on aircraft in their best blues, they wear a pair of overalls on top of their battle dress/working dress ... on the Bombers we practically all wore our No 1 to work, without overalls and without the belt. They were great for work; they were light and comfortable. Pair of Trog Boots, sea-boot socks: white: Trog Boots for the use of, and yer berry on the old cherry and your tie might be in any one of your pockets and you were well dressed working on the line on Bombers) ... and their stupid aircraft ( on my third day there I turned around in the hangar and walked straight into the edge of a Phantom elevon; that wing looking' thing at the back that doesn't bend when you heidy it, and got a scar above my right eye for my trouble.
After the time it needed for me to settle into the place I picked up on something fairly quickly. Two of the chiefs; and there's a lot of them, couldn't stand each other; and one was a Flight Sgt. while the other was a Chief Tech. And it was like that from when these two joined the RAF in the war; one was always a higher rank than the other and if the Chiefy got made up to Flt Sgt ... the Flt Sgt would be made up to Warrant Officer.
They were not friends; and I was in like Flint.
Guys on the squadron were always wonderin' whose bum I was kissing or was I a nark for the chiefs? How was I always gettin' an afternoon off or a Monday or Friday?
"What's your game, mate?"
"Are you jokin' pal?"
I'd go through the hanger and when I saw either one of them I'd put on the longest face and walk passed without acknowledging, and then hear, "Whats up with you, young Hee?"
"Nothin', Chief/Flight"
"It's not nothing Hee. What's the problem?"
"It is nothing, Chief/Flt."
"This'll be the third time Hee, now what is it?"
"Och, Chief/Flt. I wanted the Wednesday afternoon off but if I ask the Flt/Chief for it he'll go berserk but I need it off."
"You take it off, young Hee and if the Flt/Chief says anything against it ...
you tell him that I (Chief/Flt) told you to take it off."
Neither of them would say, "What do you want it off for?" just, "You tell him I told you."
If the other guys couldn't work those two out, that was there problem not mine and they knew I wasn't kissin' no mule's mammy.
A year and a half later it all changed; I repeatedly submitted an AOCs Complaint against Pay Accounts Section for wrongful deductions from my pay; according to my way of thinking, and remuneration of every penny.
When you submit a Redress of Complaint, you start off with the squadron's Flight Sgt and after he's turned it down three times you go to the Warrant Officer and when he's binned it three times you go the baby boss ,Flying officer, then his boss who is our Skipper, the Flt Louie then our boss, the Sqd Leader, then his, the Winco then the Groupie, the Group Captain ... everybody's boss ... and he turns it down three times too and so next in line is the Air Officer Commanding, Fighter Command.
AOC's Parade in Conningsby late June/early July 1971?
That one was down to me troops.
I got my money back in full.
Since I'd started with my redress I knew I was kissin' my wee perks away and I'd be surrounded by disgruntled Chiefs in war paint and so I called a gathering of mates into the crew room and told them all of my capers; there were other lesser ones, but when I told them how I worked the Chief/Flt Sgt game they really wouldn't believe me. I said, "How could you lot not see that? They effin hated each other. All their air force career stuck the gither through war, peace and skirmishes and one is always out-ranking the other. I was straight intae some o' that, pal."
Shortly after I applied to come out; Discharge by Purchase. I'd done the 5 years that I promised myself I would do and the other 4 years were always subject to circumstances prevailing at any given time. I would have been happy to do the 9 had I stayed with the Bombers; I just love big burds.
They accepted my application but informed me that due to my rank and trade it would be 18 month before the could release me.
No problem. I'll wait; prevailing circumstances are always subject to current conditions; things may change.
In the meantime I booked 6 weeks leave and went up to Scotland with the wife and kids and blew what we had. When we come back we'll use the 18 month to put the discharge money aside.
Came back to base On the morning of an August Bank Holiday Monday and sat around till dinner time in an empty crew room in an empty hangar, empty of life that is. After 12 I get a call from GHQ. My Application to come out.
I can come out end of the month; there's been a wee change.
I'm broke!
How do I pay it?
Give us a cheque, you give it to us this week. Give us cash? Then on the day before you clear.
OK. End of the month, then.
OK

I'm sure they were gettin' their own back but that was fair enough; I'd got them an unexpected AOC's Parade with all the polishing and painting and getting the camp up to AOC's Inspection Standards which means the whole camp's involved including the married patch ... and your mates; but my real mates called me a selfish boss-stud, or something but told me they were behind me all the way.
Stupit boss-studs.

Of course when you come intae civvy street and start meetin' bosses you think Boss? I went over 7 bosses to get to the 8th and he backed me.

I practically stayed free-lance Have Tools. Will travel till I met Mary then her boss became my 1st boss because I had to take his job at nearly less than 35% of what I was used to just so I could somehow manage to get me and her together ... now, She's the Boss tongue.gif biggrin.gif


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Wait a minute ... I've got my eye on a burd.

... Some try to tell me thoughts they cannot defend ...
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Rab-oldname
post 13th Oct 2010, 09:14pm
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QUOTE (Paulines47 @ 13th Oct 2010, 03:28am) *
Blik! Schugs!!(Yok..mus be furs pun nicht GREENOCK??) I struggle normally but, blimeeee! It will b v intrestin ta c y'ur interpretation of wot I think I saw.... ......;/p Heehee. Gr8 avin yr own bk sumtimes, eh?? smile.gif

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Paulines47
post 13th Oct 2010, 09:18pm
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I agree Rab laugh.gif

Btw how come your post says 11.10pm? It's not even 10.10pm yet.

Is GG time travelling? dry.gif
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Rab-oldname
post 13th Oct 2010, 10:00pm
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One day, PC Rab and PC Brian are driving round Rabs village in our wee patrol car and I spies a Mini parked in an odd place so we decide to check it out. Its all locked up OK and I take the number to do a radio check to see if its Ok. No joy - we are in a radio deadspot so decide to go to my office about 300 yards away to do the check by phone. Brians on the phone whilst Rab makes a cuppa tea. Brian sings out - 'Its been nicked Rab!'. So we finishes our tea and bickies, phones the owner of the Mini to ask her to come and collect it. We take our time getting back in the car and off we go. Glancing up the road we are horrified to see that the Mini has disappeared. The owner couldn't have collected it yet - no time! So we frantically drive round the roads trying to find the car that we told the owner we had found before she found it missing again. You can believe this if you like, but its true - we came round the same road - and there was the Mini, back where it was before! We both thought we were dreaming! After this, we just sat beside it waiting till the owner turned up, both looking as if nothing had happened. To this day, I wonder if the thief was watching us!

Not far away from the scene of the previous embarrasment was a large building housing what was then called an 'Approved School' (Saint Sengas) which was run by an Order of nuns for the education of some very naughty teenage girls. It was part of my weekly duties to pay official visits to this establishment and one afternoon I did so, parking my car at the rear of the premises, adjacent to the Chapel. I reported my location to my HQ by radio and left the vehicle to enter the school. On ringing the doorbell I was used to waiting for some time as the nuns had a long way to walk to answer the door. I heard the slap-slapping of feet running in sandals (as the nuns wore) and the door was opened by a very large, fat nun called Sister Francis who I knew very well. She took one look at me, shouted 'Oh my God!' and ran off into the school screaming her head off. Strange, I thought, I don't normally have this effect on nuns! I followed the shrieks of Francis into the Refectory where she was sobbing in the arms of another nun. We calmed her down and she related a strange story. Between sobs, she maintained that she had been praying in the chapel alone when she heard the voice of her 'Father in Heaven' telling her that he was visiting the school that day. The Mother Superior was doing her best to get some sense out of Francis, but I was putting it down to female 'problems', like a man would. I then accompanied another nun to the chapel with the idea that one of the girls was having her on. Once in the chapel, it was very quiet and no sign of any girls. I heard a slight humming noise and we traced it to the electric organ, which had not been switched off. Suddenly, the penny dropped! My car was on the other side of the wall from the chapel organ! I went out and sent a test message which of course was heard in the chapel by the nun. It appeared that my radio signals were picked up by the organ and relayed through the speakers and scaring the hell out of Sister Francis at her devotions.
I think I got an extra sticky bun with my cuppa tea that afternoon for giving Francis an explanation. I simply asked them to call me Father in future!
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Rab-oldname
post 13th Oct 2010, 10:07pm
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QUOTE (Paulines47 @ 13th Oct 2010, 11:14pm) *
I agree Rab laugh.gif

Btw how come your post says 11.10pm? It's not even 10.10pm yet.

Is GG time travelling?


No. Its because I am The Doctor and I am on a different plane from you other mortals. I think its one of Ryanairs! wink.gif
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Heather
post 13th Oct 2010, 10:14pm
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Your a rascal Rab upsetting the poor Nun like that. laugh.gif

Pauline the GG time is always one hour ahead. I don't know why. wub.gif


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Heather.......I'm tartan. Alba gu Brath. Saor Alba
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Paulines47
post 13th Oct 2010, 10:29pm
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laugh.gif I won't go putting my clocks forward just yet then.
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campsie
post 15th Oct 2010, 12:42am
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Pauline, sorry to hear your s**t of a boss was so spineless, but Heather is right he can't just give you a weeks money and think thats fine it is not. Did he say why he was letting you go, redundancy if so he cannot fill your job again for 8weeks and if he wants to fill it again he has to give you first refusal, not that you'd want to work for a s**t like that again. If it is for anyother reason and he has not followed proper percedures then take him to a tribunual.

I'm p****d with my boss had to come to Jersey tonight, and I have an early start but cant get to sleep so I am on here.

Wish you well Pauline. I hope your ex boss falls and skins his nose.
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campsie
post 15th Oct 2010, 12:47am
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Lads, just wanted to say I have had a laugh reading your escapades at work, especially as I am here in a hotel in Jersey and cant get to sleep, can you post a few more as I am here again tonight yuk. rolleyes.gif Thanks Campsie
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Paulines47
post 15th Oct 2010, 11:28am
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QUOTE (CAMPSIE @ 15th Oct 2010, 02:38am) *
Pauline, sorry to hear your s**t of a boss was so spineless, but Heather is right he can't just give you a weeks money and think thats fine it is not. Did he say why he was letting you go, redundancy if so he cannot fill your job again for 8weeks and if he wants to fill it again he has to give you first refusal, not that you'd want to work for a s**t like that again. If it is for anyother reason and he has not followed proper percedures then take him to a tribunual.

I'm p****d with my boss had to come to Jersey tonight, and I have an early start but cant get to sleep so I am on here.

Wish you well Pauline. I hope your ex boss falls and skins his nose.

Thanks for your wishes Campsie. Mr S* put the shop into liquidation. I've had payment for the last days I worked & I'm supposedly getting a week's money in lieu & holiday money....he hasn't said when though.

Had a 'lovely' interview at the Job Centre this morning!! Can only claim Jobseeker's Allowance of 68 a week & I'm expected to apply for at least 2 jobs a week regardless of whether they're what I want. They actually laughed at the letter of notice I received!! (One of the girl's was told by text!!) I agree with you Campsie; I hope he 'falls' too.......from an extremely great height. laugh.gif

All he had to do was knock on my door & tell me to my face.......now wouldn't that have been the fairest thing to do?

Hope your time in Jersey passes quickly....you globetrotter. smile.gif
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TeeHeeHee
post 15th Oct 2010, 01:33pm
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Here's a wee short tale. I was contracted to Redifon Flight Simulators in Crawley where we had the pleasure of starting at 0830; a real civilised time to start. Sometimes I managed to get in for 9 o'clock and at other times I made it just on half nine.
One day the leader; a little hunchbacked guy, in the office where I worked, as progress chaser, came over to me and said, "Mr Hee, the Boss wants a word with you. I'm instructed to bring you to him." ... with which he took me by my sleeve cuff and led me away. I followed his almost sidewards gait, grinning as I watched him, like something out of a Monty Python scene, bring me to his boss.
He knocked on a door and opened it; cautiously poking his head in, then brought me in to stand in front of a rather big, solid, desk.
"Mr Hee," he said before leaving my sleeve free and shuffling one or three paces backwards, head slightly bowed.
His boss looked deeply into my face then down at his desk for a brief moment before placing both hands firmly on his desk and raising himself with purpose to walk around his desk and place half a buttock on the corner to my left and with arms crossed over his chest looked me straight in the eye and said, "Mr Hee. Can you please tell me why you are always late for your work with us?
I went to the corner of his desk to my right, and mirrored his stance; one foot on the floor, one cheek on the desk, arms folded across my chest and after studying the wee hunchback and ensuring myself that his palpitations would not be life-threatening for him I turned to his boss and said, " It's like this. I can walk here to work in 15 minutes from my digs so If I get out of bed by 8 o'clock I can quickly throw some water on my face, brush my teeth and be here for half eight. If however I don't get out my pit before 8.30 then you wont see me by nine 9 ... and ... If I don't get up before 9 then it'll be half nine when I get here; like this morning!"
He went crazy; Arms waving like windmill sails and spluttering red faced in my direction. I said, "Look, if it upsets you so much just tell me and I'll pack my gear and Eff off but don't go makin' yourself ill on my account," and walked past the wee hunchback saying, "I know the way back, mate."
"There's no need to do that," says the boss, "It's just that we insist on good timekeeping. Nobody's asking you to leave."
I did the overtime that day then clocked out ... and left. rolleyes.gif


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