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> Long Lost Horizons
post 16th Mar 2011, 12:20pm
Post #136

Mega City Key Holder
Posts: 14,334
Joined: 25th Jan 2009
From: German/French/Swiss border town on the River Rhein
Member No.: 6,448
And very true.
We were glad to see him go back to England; he was such a liability on the aircraft.

"Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.”
― Joseph Heller, God Knows
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post 17th Mar 2011, 08:11pm
Post #137

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Posts: 7,959
Joined: 28th Aug 2003
From: East Sussex.
Member No.: 413
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Oh beautiful airport of Gatwick
How I love your wonderful runway
When I stand at the end
It seems to stretch to eternitay
Its like a wide wide street
Which is not too safe to cross
You have to look each way
Unless your head you want to loss
Your big tall tower is wondrous to behold
Its shiny windows glow at night
It really is a sight of sights
Abseiling down it you must be bold
And careful if you wish to die old
The travellers come and go
Up and down
In and out
With trolleys and cases
And in some cases trolleys and bags
Or even skis
Your dear dear shops are not really that
They rip you off at the drop of a hat
Passengers are looking for toilets
The whole day long
I hope they manage to find one before its too late
And they are late at their gate
Which makes airline staff irate
They get in a terrible state
When you are late
At their b****y gate
She shiny planes they come and go
Up and down, down and up
Just like the passengers
Who hope the plane will fly
And not plummet
Into a summit
But Surrey has no peaks
Sussex has some bumps called Downs
Which are more like hills
Not really Ups
They do not even bother pilots
Who are Captains as their right
They tell you what to do or else
They challenge you to a fight
And maybe tell you to get off
Even in flight
Which might not sound fair
As you can't walk around on air
You hope the plane stays up
But folk like Tomi know their stuff
With spanners and hammers
Oilcans and teamugs
Fitters are cleverer than gritters
But alas when snows and sleets descend
The latter are on who we depend
To keep the runways open and clean
Like the baggage-handler brave and bold
Scrambling round the luggage-hold
Where it can be cold
At fifty thousand odd feet
Where people look like ants
Unless you haven't taken off
And they are ants
You see you are still standing still
On the wonderful runway of Gatwick.

Lord Muck of Ecclefechan. All rights reserved. 2011

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post 18th Mar 2011, 12:14am
Post #138

Mega City Key Holder
Posts: 14,334
Joined: 25th Jan 2009
From: German/French/Swiss border town on the River Rhein
Member No.: 6,448
Well done that man. Nice one Rab, well enjoyed that wink.gif biggrin.gif

"Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny; call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.”
― Joseph Heller, God Knows
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post 28th Apr 2011, 12:48am
Post #139

Posts: 103
Joined: 14th Aug 2010
From: Springburn, Glasgow
Member No.: 8,842
The burd who stitched me up

I went to the jigging one Friday night
In the hope that I could pull a burd
The first one I met just looked at me
Then walked away without saying a word
I went onto the dance floor eager to succeed
When I saw this girl and decided to take a chance
I walked straight over to her and smiled
And asked her if she would like to dance
Sure, she said, I’d love to and I felt really good
For I knew I’d pulled this lovely chick
But little did I know that night
That I’d end up in the nick
I bought her a few drinks that night
Then we headed out the door.
But the minute we got on the street
She shrieked and hit the floor
Is there something wrong I asked her?
Feeling sad I’d been let down
She looked at me holding a set of keys
And said I’ll have to get to Bishopbriggs town
She held the keys in front of me
Saying she’d have to get them to her dad
He needed them to start a job
And without them he’d be mad
So I took her on a taxi, and we arrived at 2 AM
She said, just you wait for me I wont be very long
I waited and I waited but she never reappeared
Then I quickly realised that something was wrong
She’d stitched me up and made me look a fool
Got me to pay the taxi fare back to Bishopbriggs
Where she must have sat and laughed at me
Safe and secure inside her digs
Feeling sad and desolate I slowly walked for home
When a police car pulled up beside me
There was this big female sergeant who looked like Hattie Jacques
She asked me to get in the car and from there it was misery
They took me to the police station and questioned me all night
I was asked where I had been and if I had an alibi
So I told them I was jigging and of that girl I’d met
But as I never knew of her address they said that was a lie
They locked me in a police cell where they kept me all weekend
I wasn’t charged with any crime but still they kept me there
When I was given tea that night I asked the policeman why
That I was locked up without a charge which seemed to be unfair
Don’t you know? He said to me has no one even said
No I replied I’m afraid they’ve not and I haven’t got a clue
I’ve been questioned about things that I don’t know
And I’ve answered al as best I can, and my answers all are true
He brought me back an evening times and said look at page four
There I saw an article about a murdered Bishopbriggs boy
Police are looking for a youth in connection with the crime
Seeing this brought all feelings except happiness and joy
I was only seventeen and still had a life to live
But going down for murder wasn’t something I had planned
Sometime life could be messy and sometime things went wrong
But this was catastrophic and completely out of hand
Someone done this murder and the police thought it was me
As I was in the area when this murder was committed
I couldn’t prove where I had been as I had no alibi
And looking from the police’s view, me and the crime, we fitted
On Monday morning at the sheriff court I was given a charge sheet
I trembled as I looked at it, as I read what the text said
You are charged with being a vagrant and deemed to be a tramp
There was no charge of murder but I was a tramp instead
They had used that charge to hold me as they checked me out
In court they dropped the charges and I was free to go
The experience really warped me and I almost went insane
So if you pick up a strange burd make each step a tiptoe
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