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> Met Any Stupid People Today?
Rab-oldname
post 2nd Nov 2003, 12:02pm
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Stupid people ............. should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign!"

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a removal van in our driveway. My friend from 2 houses along comes over and says "Hey, you moving?" "No. We just like to pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign!"

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a pal of mine. We pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big line of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, did you catch all them fish?" "Not at all - we talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign!"

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Okay Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... Now you need to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't want to lose it."

Last time I had a flat tyre, I pulled my car into, fortunately, a nearby Kwik-Fit tyre place. The attendant walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tyre go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "No. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign!"

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Damn that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

When I was a lot younger I learned to drive an 18 wheeler. Would you believe it, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning, ok no problem. I thought sure he was the type of guy never to need a sign ...until he asked "So...is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the immovable truck and then back to him and said "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign!"
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Marg
post 2nd Nov 2003, 01:47pm
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Rab I've meet many people like that Now I'll have to think about them and do an add to your post. I've had my wee morning laugh! thanks !! biggrin.gif


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Barbara
post 2nd Nov 2003, 03:43pm
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OK.........44 people have seen and noted that I had a bad day the other day. Today I am retracting it and wishing everyone a happy everafter.

Now, please commense with the outragiously funny stupid people jokes.

Thank you Mary48 and Rab for the kind words.

This post has been edited by Barbara: 3rd Nov 2003, 10:04pm
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Rab-oldname
post 2nd Nov 2003, 06:17pm
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True - I walked into a large Supermarket the other day and bumped into a former workmate who said, "Hello Rab - what are YOU doing here?". Could somebody pass me another sign please!.

Barbara - we all have those days. We moved house 4 months ago and I am STILL putting things like biscuits in the freezer!. Should I use your felt-tip and write 'FREEZER you idiot' on it?
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Catherine
post 5th Nov 2003, 03:15am
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Dammit barbara...ah missed yer post laugh.gif Trust me it couldnae huv been ony worse than a day in the life of masel pet...you go girl an never be afraid tae laugh at yersel..keeps ye gaun, sane, simple...be who ye are....yer in fine company in here if ye waant a laugh or if ye waant tae share wan.


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Italia
post 5th Nov 2003, 11:25am
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I was in a hurry one day and couldn't get my car door open, I gave it a kick in exasperation, a man comes up to me and asks "what're you doing?" (another idiot) I answered "what the hell has it got to do with you?" answer "It's my car!".........where's that sign Rab? I'll have 2 if you don't mind, one to pin on the back and front!!!!!!
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Rab-oldname
post 5th Nov 2003, 12:57pm
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I remember a great favourite of the late, great, Chic Murray who described tripping and falling on a pavement. A passerby said, 'What happened?' and Chic replied, 'Well, its like this. I've got this bar of chocolate in my pocket and I'm breaking it into pieces'. Definately 'Sign' fodder there!.
I recently moved house and our new development is still in the building phase. Last weekend, a tipper truck stopped near my house and the driver set the tipper platform rising. At this point, my neighbour rushed out and said, 'Are you going to tip that there?'. Sign please!.
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Rab-oldname
post 5th Nov 2003, 05:57pm
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I swear this is true!!. About an hour ago I was cutting my new lawn grass when my new neighbour (see above post) came out and called out ' Cutting your grass then?'. Help ma Bob!. How I bit my lip!. Is it only me?. There must be more examples oot there. Just going out to my workshop with some sheets of ply, some bits of 2x2 and a big pot of black paint. Do you dare me?.
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Catherine
post 6th Nov 2003, 12:52am
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Oh ah dare ye Rabbie...gaun... laugh.gif


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Kayleigh
post 6th Nov 2003, 12:02pm
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Go oan Rab ah dare ye! biggrin.gif Ah'm anjoying yer posts keep them coming, ah'm huvin a rerr wee chuckle.
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davey70
post 7th Nov 2003, 03:56am
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OK,the Legal proffession the doctor and the Lawyer [Q] Doctor before you performed a autopsydid you check for a pulse?[A] NO {Q]Did you check for Blood pressure? [NO] [Q] So how can you be sure he was dead?[A]Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk!! [Q] But could the patienthave still been alive never the less? [A] Yes it is possiblethat he could have been alive and practising LAW!!!!. Need a sign please!!
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Rab-oldname
post 13th Nov 2003, 10:38am
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She's at it again! Oh the temptation!.
On Monday 'the new neighbour' appeared as I was unloading my car after a four day sailing weekend. "So your back then" she says!!!!!!!!!!!!.
My immediate retort should have been "Naw hen, Ah'm still 80 miles west of here. Whit your looking at is a digitally enhanced laser-etched hologram of me which has been ether-transported by microwave expanded hydro-technology".
What would you have said to her?. Or would you just hand her a sign?. HeHe.
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Barbara
post 16th Nov 2003, 10:11pm
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I want to order a case of those "I'm stupid" signs. Not the heavy wood ones your making Rab, but the lightweight ones that I can roll up and ship to the idiots that put stickers on your new pots and pans that won't wash off and the numbskulls that make your clothes out of fabric that bleeds and shrinks in the wash and to the produce people who put those little stickers on the oranges and lemons and such that stick to your fingers when you try and take them off, then end up on the floor stuck there for all eternity.

I want signs for the braindead road construction people that wait until the road is finished and tear it up again because they forgot to put the water drain under it.

A sign please for the toilet paper manufactures that think they have to glue down that first peice so that you have to shred the whole role just trying to 'finish the paperwork."
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Catherine
post 17th Nov 2003, 12:47am
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Oh ah hear ye Barbara laugh.gif ......Don't be furgettin the cling film/seran wrap, tryin tae start that aff drives me ballistic!!


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Barbara
post 17th Nov 2003, 02:28pm
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Oh Catherine, I have a chance to be useful. Here is a tip to start the plastic wrap.

You put a short peice of scotch tape on the place where it looks like the wrap starts and lift it up.
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